Sexplosion
by Meinos Kaen
Summary: As we all know, when the Yondaime sealed the Kyuubi, Konoha should have gotten away from it without any more collateral damage than what it had already incurred in, but... Demons are a malicious bunch. Adopted from Legendary Legacy.
1. Prologue

Alright. This is a story that has been started by Legendary Legacy in our den of insanity, TFF. But for personal problems, he let me adopt and continue it for him. So, basically, this story is a mix of mine and Legendary Legacy's writing. So, before starting, a few notes:

1. Despite the title and the rating, this story will not contain lemons. It will, however contain an abundance of limes, sexual suggestiveness, innuendo, and sexually-based comedy. Mentions of both yuri and yaoi are probable, as are mentions of all types of sexually-based fetishes and kinks, but again, nothing graphic. If you are offended or have problems with that, just don't say I didn't warn you.

2. Due to the nature of this fic, I have boosted the ages of everyone in Naruto's generation by two years. Therefore, the Rookie Nine start out at 14, Team Gai at 15, Temari at 16, and so on. The only exceptions to this rule are the younger children like Konohamaru and Hanabi, who will be in the 11-13 area. The reason will be explained later on.

3. OCs. There will be a lot of them. Some will be significant, others might get mentioned once and then never heard from again. If you hate OCs, don't say I didn't warn you.

4. As a tribute/mockery to other sexual-comedy fics out there, I'll be employing a cliched Ignorant!Naruto in this fic, but since I know a lot of people hate that sort of thing, I'll point out that he won't stay that way for long.

That should do for now. Everyone who hasn't left already, I hope you enjoy.

-Breakline-

Naruto: Sexplosion

A Naruto Fanfic With A Twist of Lime, And Only Ten Calories

Standard Disclaimer: The characters and settings of this story are property of Kishimoto Masashi. The plot, to the best of my knowledge, is mine. Please enjoy.

-Breakline-

"Fifteen minutes left, class," Umino Iruka announced from his desk. He looked on in mild amusement as three quarters of the class increased the pace of their writing, trying desperately to finish their tests before the end of class. Only Haruno Sakura was already finished, and Uchiha Sasuke was still writing at normal speed, meaning he was probably nearing the end. Nara Shikamaru was...asleep. Iruka rolled his eyes.

Aside from that small group, everyone else had near matching expressions of panic and desperation as they struggled through the remaining questions. He couldn't blame them; they were only a little under a month away from the final exams. If any of them weren't ready by then...

His eyes automatically drifted over to Uzumaki Naruto, who looked even more desperate than any other student...

No, scratch that. Sitting next to him was Yamanaka Ino, who was actually sweating, gritting her teeth, and flushing badly. The instructor frowned; surely she couldn't be having more trouble on the test than Naruto?

Without warning, the Yamanaka girl stood up, gasping for breath. "Iruka-sensei," she called, causing everyone else to stop momentarily to see what the disturbance was about. "May I...use the restroom, please?"  
Iruka shook his head. "I'm sorry Ino, but you'll have to hold it until you finish your test."

"But-" whatever she was going to say died in her throat as she took in everyone that was currently staring at her. Reluctantly, she sat back down and resumed writing.

The next few minutes passed by in silence with the exception of the scratching of pencils on paper. Naruto, feeling confident that extra packets of instant ramen were indeed the most important thing for shinobi to remember to bring on long missions, happened to notice Ino out of the corner of his eye. She was rubbing her thighs together; slowly at first, but quickly picking up speed.

She must be cold, he surmised. But what did she expect, wearing an outfit like that in October? Sure, they lived in the Fire Country where it was warm for ten of the twelve months, but that didn't mean that it never-

"God, I'm so horny I can't think straight!" Ino suddenly screamed, slamming her hands on the desk and knocking Naruto both out of his thoughts and out of his chair. The humiliated girl buried her beet-red face in her hands as everyone again stopped what they were doing and stared at her. Somewhere in the room, a boy unconsciously snapped his pencil in half. In another part, a head cracked the desk before it, leaving a puddle of blood to pool beneath him.

Iruka, as red-faced as Ino, cleared his throat, finding his mouth very dry all of a sudden. "Ino, uh...go to... the...j-just go, please."

As Ino sprinted from the room, Iruka could have sworn he saw Inuzuka Kiba slap hands with Akimichi Choji, both of whom were trying in vain to suppress their lecherous grins. He sighed. It was happening again, it seemed. Another wave of children were beginning to reach that age. Though, this was the first time he'd ever had the misfortune of having one of them experience their first...outbreak...right in the middle of class.

Uh-oh, speaking of which...

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto called to him with his hand raised high. "I think I've caught the Horny from Ino! Can I go home, too?"  
Iruka facepalmed while the majority of the classroom groaned. "Finish your test, Naruto. And I'd like to speak with you after class."

-Breakline-

Fifteen minutes later found Naruto standing in the hallway outside of Iruka's classroom, waiting for the older man to show up again. As he watched the rest of his classmates file out of the room, he noticed a lot of the guys were muttering and giggling amongst each other. Probably making fun of Ino, the jerks. What was so funny about someone getting sick in the middle of class?

As he thought this, Ino staggered out of the bathroom with a look of pure relief plastered on her face. This surprised Naruto; with the way the girl had looked and acted before, he knew there was no way she could be completely over it so soon. With that in mind, he decided to be helpful.  
"Feeling better, Ino?" he asked with a grin. "Would you like me to help you with anything?"

Ino slugged him in the stomach, muttered a weak, "Pervert," and walked on by.

While Naruto struggled to regain his breath, Iruka reappeared next to him, looking slightly disheveled. "Thanks for waiting," he greeted the boy, ignorant of his pain.

"Hey, why'd you ask me to meet you after class and then just disappear like that?" Naruto demanded once he'd straightened back up.

"O-oh that." He waved his hand dismissively. "I just...had some quick business I had to take care of with Fubuki-sensei before I left."

Naruto grimaced. "Fubuki-sensei? You mean that cranky lady who's always screaming at me for not paying attention? How can you stand to be around her when she's so loud?"

Iruka chuckled. "Yeah, she is quite the screamer." His eyes widened. "But that's not important right now!"

"All right, so what did you want to talk to me about?"

He scratched his ear, trying to appear nonchalant. "Actually, I thought I'd take you out for some ramen to celebrate your birthday. I didn't know what else to get you so-"

Naruto seized Iruka by the neckline of his vest, cutting him off mid-sentence. "What are we doing standing around here for?" he demanded. "Come on, since it's my birthday you'll have to buy me more than usual!"

Iruka grinned happily as Naruto began pulling him toward the door of the academy, but it slowly melted into melancholy as reality began to set in. Naruto was growing up. He may still be the immature loudmouth that Iruka had always known him to be, but like Ino and the others, he had also reached _that_ age, and even if he did prove to be immune to the life-changing effects that everyone else in the village faced like the Hokage had guessed, there would still be plenty of hazards that the unsuspecting boy might need protecting from.

And of course, the uncomfortable questions would probably start up soon, as well. But if he would just hold off on asking them until after he graduated (assuming he did), then he could ask his new jounin instructor instead. Problem solved.

"Hey Iruka-sensei, what kind of sickness is 'Horny'? Ino looked like she was gonna die for a moment, then she looked fine a few minutes later. It's not contagious, is it? I mean, I guess it wouldn't be and that's how you knew I was lying when I said I had it, but still..."

Damnit.

-Breakline-

Sarutobi stood, calmly looking out over the village from the balcony of the Hokage tower.

It was so surreal. From all the way up here, one would never know that at that exact moment a good fifth of the village population was succumbing to their own baser desires.

And here he was, all alone, and really wishing he were at least twenty years younger. It really wasn't fair. As the Hokage, everyone just expected him to be above this sort of thing, to be more able to resist all the brutal temptations due to reasons known only to them.

To hell with those people. If it weren't for his complete collection of Icha Icha novels (God bless that wonderful student of his) he'd have given up on life years ago.

He heaved a great sigh, and turned to reenter the tower when he found himself facing a slowly approaching figure. Another sigh escaped him; he really didn't need this right now.

"Danzo," he greeted with a slight nod of his head.

"Sarutobi," the Root leader returned.

"Well, it's been great catching up like this," the Hokage continued as he began walking away. "Let's do it again sometime."

"Not so fast, Sarutobi." Danzo moved to impede his path. "I trust I don't have to tell you what day it is?"

"Of course not. It's Tuesday."

Danzo's eye twitched. "I'm looking for something a bit more specific than that."

"...It's October tenth."

"Correct, and what significance does this day hold?"

"Well if memory serves, today is the day of my bi-monthly physical therapy appointment at the Konoha Spas, which I'm quite looking forward to, really. I hear there's a new redhead there with 'magical fingers'."

"Quit screwing around, damn you!" Danzo growled, finally losing his cool. "You know what I'm talking about!"

Sarutobi turned serious. "It's the fourteenth anniversary of Kyubi's attack on the village."

"That's right." Danzo moved to stand in the same place that Sarutobi had been just a few moments ago, staring out at the village through his undamaged eye. "Fourteen long, miserable, degrading years since that demon turned our once proud and powerful village into a society of harlots and perverted miscreants."

"You never were one to try looking on the bright side of things, were you?"

"I tried looking on the bright side remember? You were the one who kept rejecting all of my ideas!"

"Raising an army of super-ANBU children composed of the many infants of our village's most powerful clans?"

"That idea was foolproof, damnit! If you hadn't been so narrow-minded-"  
"Forgive me for thinking that leaving two dozen infants in your personal care would have been anything other than a disaster."

"Well fine then, if not that, then what are the positives?" he demanded fiercely. "Our Hokage was killed."

"A tragic loss indeed," Sarutobi agreed. "But had it not been for his sacrifice we would have lost more lives than we did."

"We still lost over a hundred lives!"

"Also tragic, but you must appreciate that they died protecting friends and loved ones. And to think, we even gained back just as many children over the next three years."

"And don't get me started on that! Need I remind you that in the months following that incident, nearly every one of our active kunoichi ended up pregnant? Nearly a fourth of our entire forces were all but useless to us for the next year! A fourth! And yet you still couldn't throw old Danzo a bone and let me take in a few of the better ones... But I digress: What if we had been attacked within that time?"

"Ah, but we were not. And really now, do you think that anyone, even a fleet of battle-hardened Iwa soldiers, would dare try to fight through an entire force of pregnant kunoichi? The Tsuchikage himself wouldn't be so foolish."

Danzo mentally slapped himself. Why hadn't he thought of that?

"And as you're well aware of, we developed proper methods for dealing with overwhelming pregnancies after that first incident anyway. And as far as bright sides go: How could anyone hope to carry out a proper invasion against us when they would become overwhelmed with the need for sex the moment they stepped past our outer walls? This barrier of sexual stimulation has given us the perfect defense against anyone who may oppose us, correct?"

Danzo looked to be struggling to find anything more to complain about that Sarutobi wouldn't be able to refute. "What about our dignity, Sarutobi? The way word has probably spread over the years, we must be the laughing stock of the entire continent. We've been reduced to a joke of a village."

"Nonsense," the Sandaime said with a wave of his hand. "I think the fact that we still receive many missions from other countries and are still bound in treaties with a few of them shows that we are still a highly respected village."

Danzo growled in disgust, realizing that there would be no getting through to him anymore. A silence fell over them, but Sarutobi didn't bother to try leaving again. He knew there was more on his old rival's mind. And sure enough...

"I still say we should dispose of the vessel."

"We will do no such thing," he answered sternly. "As I've said before, with the Kyubi inside him it's highly likely that he'll be completely unaffected by the demon's own pheromone."

"And it's also highly likely that he'll quickly prove himself to be worse than ten Mitarashi's!"

"Oh, now you're exaggerating, Danzo. Anko-chan may be a little...eccentric at times, but I'm sure she's no worse than anyone else-"

"Tell that to my young protégé! The poor boy still hasn't recovered since that succubus got her claws into him. You know he's somehow become obsessed with male genitalia since then? And stop trying to change the subject! Now that the boy's come of age, there's no telling what horrors he could bring to us. And as I've said in the past, maybe the key to ending all of this madness is to get rid of the source!"

"And as I've said many times in the past, if you or anyone else dares to go through with 'disposing' of Naruto in any way, I'll personally have you begging me to send you to Ibiki. Only, and I emphasis 'only', if your suspicions eventually bear fruit, will anything be done about him. And even then, I will be the one to decide what will be done. Is that clear, Danzo?"

"Crystal, Sarutobi," the scarred elder sneered. Knowing that the conversation was over, he turned and began walking away.

"I'll be keeping an eye on you, Danzo," Sarutobi warned one last time.

Danzo snickered. "Keep an eye on me... You should do something more constructive with your time, Hokage-sama, like trying harder to get laid like the rest of your village. Or is it true that even demonic pheromones aren't strong enough to overcome impotency?"

The Hokage grinned at the barb. "That's a rather cheap shot, old friend. Tell me, when was the last time you spent any quality time with a lady?"

"Two nights ago," he said, smirking over his shoulder.

"I meant without having to pay for it."

Danzo stopped in mid-step, the smirk wiped clean from his face. He looked like he was about to start swearing, but instead turned and walked away without another word.

Satisfied that even years of pent-up sexual tension hadn't managed to throw him off his game, Sarutobi gave one final look toward the village, wondering what changes would be presented in the days and months to come.

"I certainly hope you're prepared for it, Naruto."

-Breakline-

"I think you're full of crap, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka frowned at him. "Are you saying you don't think I know how the human body works?"

"You must not," he confirmed. "I mean, okay...so when people get older their bodies change, and when a guy gets...aroused his thing becomes hard, I know that. And I can understand why people would call that 'horny'. But I'll have you know that I've seen a naked girl before, and from what I saw there wasn't any part of her body that could rightfully be described as a horn."

Iruka came to a stop and took a quick look around to see if anyone was paying any attention to them. He didn't want to, but curiosity demanded that he ask. "...When did you see a naked girl?"

Naruto scratched his chin. "Back when I still lived at the orphanage. I think I was seven at the time, but since there were a lot of kids there at one point, the adults would sometimes have a bunch of the kids take baths together to save time, but I always had to take mine alone after everyone else was finished."

"...Okay."

"One time when I was walking past the bathroom I heard a girl crying inside, so I thought she might be in trouble. The door was locked, so I ran outside and looked through the window."

Iruka's eyes widened. The villagers would have a hay-day if they heard that. _Uzumaki Naruto: Seven year old voyeur._

"It turned out she just had soap in her eyes," Naruto continued, not noticing the look Iruka had on his face. "But that was when I first noticed that all the girls in there were...missing something important."

The older man sighed in understanding. "And like any boy in your position, you had to ask about it, right?"

"Yep. I asked one of the girl's about it later that day. She called me a 'sicko', kicked me in my own privates and pushed me down the stairs. After that I never really felt up to asking anyone again. And it's not funny!"

Iruka reigned in his laughter at the boy's expense. "Oh come on, it is a little funny. Reminds me of what happened to me when I was about that age, but that's a story for another time. Back to the point: Do you understand now what exactly happened in class earlier?"

Naruto pinkened slightly from the new light that had been shed on Ino's predicament. "I guess...I understand what you told me, but...it still doesn't make any sense, you know?"

"What doesn't?" Iruka questioned. He might have been extra subtle with his explanation, but he didn't think he had left anything important out.

"Well think about it: How could Ino have possibly gotten that excited just from taking a TEST? I mean, when I'm taking tests I'm usually bored out... Why are you banging your head on the sidewalk?"

Iruka ceased the abuse to his person and rose back to his feet, realizing that he may have left out one or two things. "Okay, that was my fault, I guess. Listen Naruto: you and Ino and all the other kids in your class are going to start feeling the effects of the pheromone real soon. Some of you already have, you see?"

Seeing his blank look, Iruka grew worried. "Please tell me you know about the pheromone that the Kyubi released on the village fourteen years ago."

Naruto's face remained blank for several seconds before a realization hit him. "Oh, you mean the poison!"

"POISON!"

A small group of people stopped and stared at Iruka's sudden outburst. Calming himself, he pulled Naruto in closer and lowered his voice. "Who told you it was a poison?"

"Uh...th-the old lady who used to work at the library," he stammered, caught by surprise at Iruka's reaction.

Iruka's jaw clenched. "And when was this then?"

"I think I was about eight or nine at the time. I wanted to hear about what happened the night the Kyubi attacked the village, but no one would say anything to me when I asked them, except for one guy who just said, "Stay away from my daughter, you little bastard," which didn't make much sense. So after that I went to the library to see if there was a book about it or something, but the librarian said she'd tell me all I needed to know.

"She told me that after the Yondaime killed the Kyubi, a deadly poison was released from its body. The poison killed the Yondaime and a whole lot of other people, and that's why it was forbidden to talk about it anymore because it was disrespectful. She said that if certain people heard me asking more about it I could get executed for it. That was why no one else would tell me. Good thing she warned me about it, huh?"

Iruka was furious. That decrepit old witch! And to think, he'd actually sent flowers to her funeral last year!

Well this certainly made things worse. Here he'd been putting off on telling Naruto these things because he thought he'd already have some idea about them. He never would have guessed that a few bad experiences in his younger days would have turned Naruto completely off from learning about not just the pheromone, but of sexuality in general. And what the hell was wrong with the villagers? Just because it was forbidden to mention that Naruto had the Kyubi sealed inside him, he hadn't thought that people would actually lie to him about everything else, too. What the hell was that supposed to accomplish?

"You okay, sensei?" Naruto asked him. "We're not gonna get in trouble for talking about it are we?"

Iruka hung his head, then placed a warm hand on the boy's shoulder. "Let's go get that ramen. We can talk more about this on the way back."

-Breakline-

"Are you really certain about this, Ayame? I mean, it's doesn't have to be today, you know? You could give it a few more weeks and think it over more."

"I've been thinking about it for years now, daddy," the seventeen-year-old brunette replied. "I'm going to do it, and I don't see why you are so against it. It's not like this would be my first time or anything. Is it just because it's him?"

Teuchi shook his head. "It's not that I have anything against the boy myself, you know? He's a great kid. It's just...well; we both know that the boy's not exactly well taken too around here. And if word got out-"

"All the more reason that I should do it," Ayame said simply. "If no one else can stand to be around him, think of all the suffering he'll go through once his urges start kicking in. Oh, and I've seen the home videos that some of the other villagers have made. If they're willing to do those sorts of things with each other, they have no right to criticize anyone else about what they do or who they do it with."

Teuchi smiled despite his misgivings. Even in an immoral, sex-society like this one, he'd still managed to raise one hell of a daughter. Always looking out for the wellbeing of those who deserved it...

"Besides," she went on, gaining a dreamy look in her eyes. "He's been our best customer for nearly ten years now. And he's always so cheerful and friendly...so adorable with those funny marks on his face...he's probably hung like a horse..."

Teuchi choked, causing him to spill a fresh pot of noodles on the floor while Ayame patted him firmly on the back.

"Sweetheart," he gasped. "I realize that the ways of this village have changed since I was your age, and as your father I try to be open-minded about the things you might be doing when I'm not around, but for the sake of my own sanity, could you please not say things like that around me?"

Ayame grinned sheepishly, and muttered an apology before walking into the back room to grab a mop.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The rest of the walk to Ichiraku's was quiet. Iruka had a rather disgruntled look on his face while Naruto was acting surprisingly subdued, still not fully understanding why Iruka suddenly appeared so irritated. Hopefully he wouldn't have to report him to the old Hokage for talking about the Kyubi attack. That would put quite the damper on his birthday, among other things.

The ramen shop was empty with the exception of the owner when the two walked in. Naruto hadn't taken two steps toward the front counter when a chill ran up his spine.

"Something horrible has just happened here," he whispered, glancing back and forth across the shop.

"Ah, Naruto," Teuchi greeted, fighting back the wave of discomfort at the presence of the boy. "Happy birth-"  
His words went unheard as Naruto leapt past him over the counter, finally spotting what he was searching for. He turned to the old man with a look of horror on his face.  
"You spilled the ramen!"

Teuchi held his hands up defensively. "Now Naruto, it was just a little slip up-"

"How could you? That beautiful wonderful ramen will never know the pleasure of being enjoyed by anyone now!"

Teuchi frowned. "I'll have you know that my floors are clean enough to eat off of! If you want it, have it!"

"Fine!" he yelled, throwing himself to the floor, only to be stopped by both Teuchi and Iruka.

"I was just kidding, boy! I have more already made for you! Settle down!"

With a bit of struggling, Teuchi and Iruka managed to get Naruto into a seat, where Teuchi then placed a large steaming bowl of ramen in front of him. "There ya go, on the house."

His eyes lit up. Was it any wonder why he loved this place? Saying a quick prayer of memoriam for the fallen ramen, he dug into his own bowl with gusto. "Thanks, oji-san!" he managed to get out before the first wave of noodles entered his mouth.

Seconds later, Ayame returned with a mop in hand, which she instantly dropped upon setting eyes on Naruto. "Naruto-kun!" she greeted almost gleefully. "Happy birthday!"

Naruto looked up from his bowl, a stream of noodles hanging from his mouth. Temporarily unable to speak, he settled for waving cheerfully as the girl moved toward him.

Ayame propped herself against the table on her elbows, smiling warmly as Naruto shoveled his meal into his mouth at a speed that only an Akimichi could hope to match. "So, how does it feel to be another year older?" she asked, letting her finger trace small patterns on the countertop. "Feel any...different?"

Naruto gulped down the last of the noodles, looking thoughtful. "Well...I suppose I've probably grown a little taller if that's what you mean."

Ayame's smile drooped ever-so-slightly, but it returned before Naruto even had a chance to notice. "Well, once you're finished with that, why don't you come to the back so I can give you your present?"

A chill passed through Iruka's spine while Naruto looked taken aback. "You mean the free ramen wasn't my present?" Odd, that's what it had been every other year.

"That's your present from dad," she explained. "I've got something even better waiting for you."

Naruto actually scoffed. "Better than free ramen? No offense, Ayame-neechan, but there's no such thing."

The ramen girl's grin turned impish. "I think you'll change your mind when you see it." Without another thought, she grabbed the boy by his sleeve and pulled him out of his chair and around the counter.

"But I wasn't finished!"

"Going on break, daddy!" she stated before disappearing into the back room.

Teuchi repressed a sigh, turning back to the ingredients before him. "Don't be too long now, afternoon rush will be arriving soon," he called after them.

Iruka shot up in a panic, recognizing the familiar implications of what was about to happen. "Naruto, wait-!" he managed to get out before tripping over a seat in front of him.

"Let him go, Iruka," Teuchi told him as he struggled back to his feet.

"But-but-but he isn't ready!" Iruka stammered. "It's too early for him! He still doesn't know-!"

The chef held his hand up to silence him. "I know how you must feel, but you can't keep the boy protected like that anymore. He's of age now and you know it's gonna happen sooner or later." He sighed begrudgingly. "Better it be my...relatively innocent little girl than someone like Mitarashi or Yugao. You know how much those two like breaking in virgins."

Iruka's eyes glazed over. Of course he knew; one could never forget their first time. No matter how badly they may want too...

Feeling defeat set in, he sank back into his chair. Maybe this was for the best. At least a sweet girl like Ayame would be patient and understanding with Naruto's lack of experience, instead of tying him upside-down naked to a tree and demonstrating all '52 Obscure Uses of Snake-Style Ninjutsu' on him.

-Breakline-

Naruto took in the medium-sized room he had just been led into, missing the giggle of delight that escaped Ayame as she removed the white kerchief from her head and shook her hair out. "I'll get your gift. No peeking, okay?"

Naruto turned away, grinning in anticipation. A gift better than free ramen: a paradox in his opinion. But if Ayame thought it was, then it would be exciting to see.

It was kind of strange, he thought while letting his eyes drift across the rest of the room. He'd been coming to Ichiraku for almost a decade now, but this was still the first time he'd ever been back here. Boxes of ingredients were stacked up to the ceiling against the wall in the back of the room, and the pungent smell of the many various spices was very noticeable in the small area, making his stomach grumble. Naruto wished Ayame could have waited until he'd had a second and third bowl before dragging him back here.

Hearing the rustling of cloth behind him, he made the guess that Ayame was still searching for his gift, and he went back to inspecting the room. Against the walls to his left and right were two small dressers and two futons spread across the floor.

"You and your dad sleep back here?" he asked without turning to look at her.

"Sometimes," he heard her answer, accompanied by an audible *pop*, like the sound of a lid being wrenched off of something. "If we finish up a long day or have to open up extra early, we usually find it easier to just stay the night here. And of course it's really convenient during the day when one of us needs to...You're not peeking, are you?"

"No ma'am," he replied, placing his hands over his eyes for extra emphasis. He tried not to appear impatient as he listened to her walk across the room where he had been staring before. His mind wandered: Better than ramen...better than ramen...

Suddenly a new smell attacked his senses. No wait...two new smells. One was unfamiliar to him, something that he couldn't place. Though whatever it was certainly wasn't unpleasant, and it was definitely making him curious. The other smell was more noticeable, and was much sweeter in contrast with the rest of the odors in the room.

Chocolate, his senses were telling him. The second smell was definitely chocolate. Then it hit him: Ayame must have bought him a birthday cake! It may not have been better than free ramen, but considering he'd never had one before in his life, it was still pretty close!

He was practically bouncing up and down when finally, he heard Ayame say, "Okay, you can look."

Grinning like a maniac, he spun on his heels-

"Surprise!"

-and his mind performed a temporary shutdown as he found himself staring at a completely nude Ayame, casually leaning back on her elbows against one of the futons.

Well, maybe not completely nude, though he didn't know if he could really consider chocolate sauce proper covering. It certainly wasn't doing much to hide any of the girl's chest or stomach no matter how much of it she appeared to have slathered on.

The pink ribbon tied in a bow around her hips was a nice touch, his short-circuited mind admitted before going into reboot.

Ayame smirked, mistaking the boy's drooling expression for one of uncontrollable lust. Slowly, teasingly, she twisted the end of the ribbon around her finger, giving it a small tug. "Well Naruto-kun, are you just going to stand there, or are you going to come over here and unwrap me?"

And that's when Naruto's legs gave out.

With a look of surprise, Ayame slowly crawled off the futon toward the fallen boy, giving him a small nudge. "Naruto-kun?" she asked, receiving a small incoherent mumble for a response.

Well this was certainly a buzz kill, she thought with a huff. Hopefully he'd regain consciousness real quick; this chocolate sauce was a bitch to clean off if it set in too long.

-Breakline-

Naruto slowly returned to consciousness less than a minute later, first to the enticing smell of spice, sweetness and… something else, then to the feeling of something weighing his body down. When he finally opened his eyes, the sight of a chocolate-covered Ayame straddling his waist was the first thing he saw.

For some unknown reason, he didn't immediately freak out over this. In fact, for a long time he didn't move a muscle, just stared up at the grinning girl. Outwardly, it seemed that he was merely enjoying the view, but in reality he really wasn't seeing anything. He was too busy being lost in worry.

_If that chocolate drips on my outfit I'll never be able to get it clean._

More importantly, what was he supposed to do about this situation? The only foreseeable options were to scream for help, break out from under her and run for it, or faint again where everything was dark and safe.

He couldn't try to run because he might accidentally hurt Ayame. He couldn't scream for help because that would cause old man Ichiraku to come in, and if he saw the two of them in such a predicament he'd probably kill him. Or worse: Ban him for life from the shop!

So it was decided, fainting was the way to go. As his eyes began to roll back, Ayame took notice.  
"Naruto," she warned. "Passing out isn't going to stop me from doing things to you this time."

That snapped him back from the darkness. "T-things?"

"Mm-hmm."

"...Er...good things or bad things?"

"Yes."

Naruto decided he would have a better chance remaining awake.

"Good boy," Ayame cooed as she leaned forward just a little, positioning her hands on either side of Naruto's face, which incidentally caused her arms to have an interesting effect on her breasts (which Naruto did NOT look at, no siree!). "Then what do you say we get started?"

Naruto gulped, trying his damnedest to keep his gaze on Ayame's face only, which he found was just about as difficult as paying attention in class. "Uh, c-can I just ask something real quick?"

"Only if you can talk with your mouth full," she told him as she leaned in for the kill-

*POOF*

-and found herself staring at a log. Looking around, she spotted Naruto huddled against the back corner.

She frowned. "Okay, Naruto, just what is the problem?"

"PROBLEM!" he practically shrieked, so worked up that he completely overlooked the fact that he had just performed his first successful Kawarimi. "What's YOUR problem? I mean, don't get me wrong, Ayame-neechan, I like you and everything, but don't you think you're moving a bit too fast? Aren't I supposed to…I don't know, buy you dinner or something first?"

Ayame stood up and placed her hands on her hips, oblivious to the fact that she was still naked and covered with chocolate. "What are you talking about? All I'm trying to do is help you celebrate your coming of age, and all this hard-to-get stuff of yours isn't accomplishing anything but giving me a lot of built-up frustration!"

Naruto didn't understand very much of that explanation. "What coming of age?"

That simple question brought a look of confusion to the ramen girl's face. "You're fourteen now, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"And you know what that means... don't you?"

"...That I'm not thirteen anymore?"

Fighting the urge to throw her arms up in exasperation, Ayame crossed the room and dropped to her knees in front of him, while he quickly diverted his attention elsewhere. "Naruto," she started calmly. "Hasn't anyone been teaching you this stuff? About the Kyubi and the pheromone and the...everything else that goes with it?"

Naruto could only shrug helplessly. "I...I don't know! Iruka-sensei started to tell me something about that on the way over here, but he said he'd tell me about it later."

Ayame drooped in disappointment. This was not how the day was supposed to go at all. But she had to look at it from Naruto's point of view. If no one had ever taken the time to teach him these things, then it would be a bad deal to try going any further with him now. Though, surely he'd started feeling the pheromone's effects by now. She sighed; she would have to do it herself before things got even more out of hand.

But really, she still needed at least a bit of release...

She looked down at herself and frowned. And it would be a shame to let all this chocolate go to waste. Without thinking, she began dragging her fingers through the dark liquid on her stomach.

Catching a slight movement from Ayame from the corner of his eye, Naruto turned ever-so-slightly to get a better view of what she was doing. His eyes nearly popped from their sockets as he watched the girl bring two chocolate-covered fingers to her mouth and slowly lick them clean. As she began repeating the process, his mind began clashing, with one side telling him that if he didn't do something to stop this really quick he was going to die of heart-failure or blood loss, and the other side telling him to shut the hell up and enjoy the show.

But that second side was one that Naruto hadn't heard from much in his life, making it a bit untrustworthy, while the first side brought up some very good points. So-

"Um…A-Ayame-neechan?"

Ayame stopped her own indulgence, apparently realizing that Naruto was still in the room. A sly grin suddenly appeared on her face. It was his birthday, after all. It wouldn't be fair if he didn't even get a taste.

Naruto had just enough time to notice the blooming grin on her face, which instantly set off the internal warning signals. The next moment he felt a pair of hands grasp the back of his head and pull it forward.

If someone were to ask him about it later, Naruto would only have one response for them.

"Ayame-neechan sure knows good chocolate."

-Breakline-

Iruka was becoming a nervous wreck. For the last ten minutes he'd been pacing across the room, wringing his hands furiously, and tapping his toes on the floor, all the while never taking his eyes off the door to the back room.

"What's going on in there?" he wondered aloud. "Shouldn't they be finished by now?" He moved closer to the door again, listening. "I can't hear anything back there, is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Teuchi looked up from cleaning the stoves, gave Iruka a confused look and pulled the plugs from his ears. "You say something?"

Ayame took that moment to let out a long blissful moan from the back.

"Never mind," a red-faced Iruka muttered as Teuchi fiercely shoved the earplugs back into place and began humming loudly.

Iruka fell back into his chair. This was it; Naruto was no longer a virgin. Even with his complete and utter lack of knowledge of what was going on inside and around him he still managed to get a girl on his first day as a legal adult. He sighed whimsically, realizing how much the brat had grown since he first started teaching him. He hoped this revelation wouldn't corrupt the poor kid too badly. Though on the bright side, at least now he wouldn't have to be on constant vigil for any 'Devirginizers' that might otherwise be stalking him. Not to say anything of any of the other daring women of the village who wanted to attempt to 'tame the demon' as they so eloquently put it.

Another minute went by before the two teens reentered the room. Ayame, with a look of untold amounts of mischief on her face, pulled a staggering Naruto out behind her, whose own face was frozen in an unblinking mask staring at some unseen object on the ceiling.

As the girl gently deposited the catatonic boy into a seat next to Iruka and sat herself in the seat on Naruto's other side, Teuchi removed his earplugs again and made his way over to join them. No one really knew what to say until Iruka found something to break the ice.

"So...how did it go?"

The two kids blushed profusely while Teuchi took aim at Iruka's skull with a frying pan.

"It was a joke! Just a joke!" he stammered, narrowly avoiding the metal pan. Seeing the chef lower his weapon, he turned back to Naruto.

"Naruto," he said as the boy continued staring at nothing.

"Huh?" he slurred.

Iruka gestured to his own lower lip. "You've got some dark stuff here."

"Uh-huh," Naruto responded, not making any motion to wipe it away.

Iruka rolled his eyes and reached for a napkin, and stopped cold when Ayame spun Naruto's chair around and planted a deep kiss on him. Naruto's already stiff posture increased to the point of petrifaction at the sudden contact, Teuchi found something interesting to look at on the other side of the room, and as much as he felt he should, Iruka couldn't tear his gaze away. He gave a silent thanks that he'd already taken care of his own urges just a little while ago or he'd probably be in trouble right now.

The kiss broke and Naruto melted to the floor with a goofy grin plastered on his face while a satisfied Ayame sat back, licking the traces of chocolate and saliva from her own lips. When she finished, she turned her attention to Iruka.

"Why didn't anyone ever teach him about the Kyubi's pheromone?" she demanded.

Teuchi turned, face full of confusion while Iruka just looked guilty. "I...thought he already knew. At least the important stuff, anyway. But it turns out he was fed some false information a few years back and..." he shrugged. "Well I had intended to explain things to him after we left here, but that was before I knew that you were planning to..." His words trailed off again.

"Well I think you'd better do it now," she said. It sounded like a suggestion, but Iruka wasn't stupid enough to miss the authority behind it.

Five minutes, a few thumps to the top of the head and a bowl of ramen later, Naruto was back in an attentive state of mind.

"Now Naruto," Iruka started, trying to find the right way of phrasing things. "I know that you must be feeling a little confused about what just happened, and I'm going to do my best to explain everything to you and answer any questions you might have."

"Okay," Naruto said a bit nervously. He did want to find out why Ayame had acted the way she had, but at the same time didn't think he really wanted to know how Iruka would know about it.

Iruka leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. "All right. It all started fourteen years ago, when the Kyubi first attacked our village..."

-Breakline-

Fourteen Years Ago...

The massive battle was finally drawing to a conclusion. As hundreds of Konoha shinobi and civilians alike watched from afar, the Kyubi struggled for the continuation of its very existence by trying to break free of the Shinigami's grip.

And what an effort it was, the people begrudgingly admitted. The fox demon would run from one corner of the horizon to the other, bucking and shaking its body wildly, then dropping down and rolling back and forth over the trees of the forest as though it were trying to put out a fire on its body. But still the Death God held tightly to two of the beast's swirling tails, refusing to lose a prize of such magnitude.

And several hundred yards away, the Yondaime stood atop the giant head of Gamabunta, holding a small object hidden within a bundled up blanket, watching the display and looking quite amused. He may have been seconds away from death himself, but at least he was getting some entertainment before he went.

He looked down at the tiny object that he was holding, smiling sadly. He hoped this was really the right thing to do, not that there was really any other choice. But maybe...

His musings were interrupted as the Kyubi finally collapsed to the ground before Gamabunta, heaving as the Shinigami floated forward and unsheathed its dagger. The biju stared up at Minato in rage.

**"You think you've won, human?"** the beast growled, swiping futilely at him. **"You can't get rid of me so easily!"**

"Maybe not," Minato answered calmly. "But I can still keep the village and everyone I love safe from you for a little while longer."

The Kyubi snarled at his words, before a feral grin appeared on its face. **"We'll see about that."**

And as the Shinigami brought its dagger down, a fine, pinkish-clear mist erupted from the Kyubi's body, catching Minato, Gamabunta and the Death God full force. The suddenness of it actually caused the Shinigami to pause, but only for a moment before driving the blade into the Kyubi's flank. With a howl of pain, the Kyubi's body began to dissolve.

Recovering from his shock, Minato lifted the bundled object above his head and the still raging demon disappeared within it, an abstract black seal appearing to confirm it. Then, clutching the thing tightly to his chest, he looked back at the village, where the observing populous, having no idea what the strange mist that was now drifting toward them was, began running back into the village to find shelter.

He prayed that it wasn't a poison; otherwise the entire village would still be doomed. Whatever it was, it didn't have any smell to it, and it didn't seem to be bothering him even though he'd taken the blast of it at point-blank-

And then he needed sex. And he needed it right fucking now! Without another thought, he Hiraishin'ed back to the village. Gamabunta dispelled himself moments later, hoping that his beloved Gamatsuchi would be waiting for him at home. And the Shinigami, for the first time in over two dozen millennia, felt a twinge of physical need, even if it only lasted for a second. Writing it off as nothing, it took off in pursuit of the human mortal who was apparently trying to run out on their agreement.

It was probably a good thing that the mist had already fallen over the village by this point. It meant that everyone was already inside their own homes, either engrossed in various personal activities or tucked away in their beds with pillows pulled over their heads to help block out the noises of said activities taking place in the next room.

Had anyone still been outside, they would have witnessed the sight of the Death God dragging a naked, kicking and screaming Namikaze Minato out of the village as he begged the reaper for just five more minutes.

-Breakline-

"And that's what happened," Iruka wrapped up. "The village hasn't been the same since."

Naruto stared at the older man like he'd grown a second head. "So...the Kyubi made the whole village obsessed with sex?"

"Yep," Ayame said with a nod.

"...Why?"

The girl shrugged. "Probably its way of trying to torment us for the rest of our lives, I suppose."

"The shinobi tried everything they could think of to get rid of the pheromone," Teuchi contributed. "But they couldn't destroy it with fire or lightning, couldn't blow it away with wind, couldn't even dilute it with water. It just stayed in the village, soaking into everything and never vanishing. Still here now, in fact, you just can't see it anymore."

Naruto took a few moments to let that all sink in. "But if that's how it's been all this time, why haven't I ever heard about it?"

Iruka shook his head. "Well it's not exactly something that the people openly talk about, you know? It's not like there are gonna be people having sex out in the streets for you to see, right?"

"Actually-" Ayame started before her father stopped her with a shake of his head.

"In any case," Iruka continued. "That's the real story behind the Kyubi's attack. That was the real reason for Ino's behavior back in class, and pretty soon it'll be happening to all the others, as well. I'm sure it already has for some of them. That's because after a child reaches the age of puberty the pheromone starts to take its effect on them, sometimes immediately, other times it's a delayed process. But when it does happen, it increases their sex-drive drastically. And since it's nearly impossible to suppress the urges in any way other than through sexual release, the Hokage lowered the age of adulthood for Konoha villagers to fourteen, and it became perfectly legal for them to start having sex with other people."

Naruto's eyes widened. "So you're telling me that now that I'm fourteen I could have sex with anybody I want? Or that anyone who wanted to could have sex with me?"

"Right, assuming they're also of age. Of course, they also have to be willing to do it with you, though to most people it's considered very rude to deny someone seeking relief from their unrelenting urges."

Naruto scratched his head. "How come I haven't had any of these 'urges' yet? I've already gone through puberty and everything, right?"

The other three looked a bit uncomfortable at the question. They of course knew the real reason why it might not have happened yet, but it wasn't something they were at liberty to talk about.

"I'm sure it'll be happening eventually, Naruto," Teuchi told him. "Sometimes it just takes longer for some than others. Hell I've known kids to get their first urge as early as eleven years old and as late as sixteen. My advice is to enjoy it while it lasts, because an almost endless need for sex isn't quite as fun as it might sound."

That explanation seemed good enough for Naruto and everyone fell silent while he thought about everything he'd just been told. It was definitely hard to believe such a weird story, but after the events with Ino and Ayame already today, he figured they must be pretty accurate. Besides, this was Iruka-sensei, old man Ichiraku and Ayame-neechan telling him this. If he couldn't trust them then who could he trust?

The moment was broken when Ayame happened to notice the sun beginning to set in the distance, which gave her an ominous feeling. "I think you'd better get home, Naruto," she told him. "It's starting to get late."

"Already?" he asked, not realizing how much time had passed since he first got here.

Iruka didn't look nearly as disturbed as he had before. "I wouldn't worry too much, Ayame-san. Thanks to you, Naruto shouldn't be in any immediate danger anymore."

"Danger?" the blond repeated.

Ayame grew embarrassed. "Well actually, Naruto-kun and I didn't...do everything."

Iruka raised a speculative eyebrow. "What didn't you do?"

"...The important things," she answered regrettably.

Iruka turned pale. "Then he's still a-?" Ayame nodded. In a flash, Iruka was at the door, pulling Naruto behind him.

"What the hell, Iruka-sensei?" Naruto demanded, trying to pull his arm free from the teacher's iron grip.

"No time to explain! I have to get you home as quickly as possible!"

Naruto stared at the odd look on Iruka's face when a dreadful thought occurred to him. "You're not gonna try to relieve one of your own urges with me, are you? Because I definitely don't swing like that!"

"DON'T BE STUPID!" Iruka shouted, driving his fist into the boy's head. "Now come on, before it's too late!"

As the two men disappeared from the restaurant, Ayame sat back in her chair and sighed. She really wanted to be Naruto's first time, if for no other reason than to make sure it was something special for him. He deserved that much for all he'd gone through, she figured. Letting out another wistful sigh, she silently wondered if he'd be back soon enough for her to try again.

Then she grinned. Of course he'd be back soon. The boy had to eat sometime, didn't he?

-Breakline-

"Can you at least tell me what it is you're trying to save me from, sensei?" Naruto shouted, still pulling with all his might to free himself from Iruka's grip.

The older man didn't stop, didn't slow down and didn't even bother turning around to address him. He only said one word.

"Anko."

"Anko?" Naruto asked.

"Anko," he repeated firmly.

"Who or what is Anko?"

"Anko is-" He cut himself off, stopping abruptly and inadvertently knocking Naruto on his butt.

Naruto shot up indignantly. "What's the-!"

Iruka slapped a hand over the boy's mouth, silencing him. As they stood, not moving or speaking, a low rustling sound was heard behind them. Both men felt the hairs on their neck stand up. Then they heard it again, much closer this time.

With no other warning, a long metal chain shot out from a group of bushes toward Naruto. The boy froze, but was saved when Iruka jumped in front of him and dropped a smoke bomb to the ground. As thick smoke covered the area, Naruto heard Iruka fall to the ground in a tangled heap.

"Iruka-sensei!" he yelled, coughing slightly.

"Run Naruto! Save yourself!"

Naruto tried seeing through the smoke, but found it useless. Nevertheless, he wasn't going to just leave Iruka here at the mercy of his assailant. "No way, I'll help you!"

"No, you fool! You'll never survive if she manages to catch you! She's too experienced for you right now! I'll be fine, just get out of here while I hold her off!"

Naruto hesitated. "But-"

"Just go, now! And remember, beware the woman with purple hair!"

Naruto waited only a second longer, then turned and ran. "I'll avenge you, Iruka-sensei! I promise I will!"

As the sound of Naruto's fading footsteps, Iruka smiled ruefully. "I'm sure you will Naruto."

As the smoke cleared, he was completely unsurprised by who he found standing over him, spinning a kunai on her finger and grinning in a way that promised lots of pleasure and even more pain.

"That wasn't nice, Iruka-chan," Mitarashi Anko purred, dropping down onto his chest and holding the flat side of the kunai against his cheek. "I really wanted that boy, you know? Now what am I going to do if Yugao-chan comes back and manages to snatch him up before me?"

Iruka was already sweating bullets. "H-have mercy, Anko-chan. Naruto's only learned about the pheromone and everything that goes with it today! He's still too naive about these things; he'd never survive against someone like you!"

Anko casually flipped the kunai over, drawing a very thin line of blood from his cheek. "Now Iruka-kun, you know that I almost never kill more than two people a month during my sessions, and that even when I do, they always die with a smile on their face." As she said it, she bent down and licked the dripping blood from Iruka's cut. "And don't you know how long I've wanted to bed our big, strong demon container?"

"You've mentioned it once or twice," Iruka mumbled. He was really going to hate himself for what he was about to do. "Listen Anko-chan. If you promise me that you'll leave Naruto alone for a while, at the very least until he finishes his training at the academy next month, then...I'll let you do whatever you want to me whenever you feel like it."

Anko's eyes gleamed at the proposal. "Really now?" Iruka may not have been a virgin anymore, but it had been a while since she last gave him a good working over.

Iruka flinched, dreading the hungry look he was receiving. He hoped to God that Naruto appreciated what he was doing for him. A month wasn't a lot of time to buy him, but maybe it would be enough. "Yes, really. You can even use all 52 of your Obscure Snake-Style techniques on me if you want."

Anko's brow furrowed in confusion, then smirked like the devil-woman that she was. "It really has been a long time since I last caught you, hasn't it Iruka-chan?" She leaned in to whisper in his ear. "There are 67 of them now."

And as she began dragging him into the night, Iruka could only wonder what he'd just gotten himself into.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Iruka wasn't at the academy the next day. Or the day after. When he failed to show up on the third day, Naruto began to worry. He'd been hoping to talk to Iruka about the events that had taken place on his birthday, being in need of a bit more clarification to what he should be doing now, what he wasn't supposed to be doing, and so forth. Not feeling comfortable talking about it to anyone else in class, he ran to Iruka's house as soon as it ended, but found the place empty. Next, he tried the hospital to see if maybe he was recovering from some kind of injury that he didn't really want to think about, and again found nothing.

Finally, there was only one place left to check: That Anko lady's place. Unfortunately, he didn't know where that was, and the people that he asked for directions from weren't exactly helpful either.

"You want to go where? ...Are you stupid!"

"Heheh, ya got balls kid, I'll give ya that. But I'll give ya a tip: Don't hunt for sharks your first time on the water. Start with the trout and then work your way up."

"A-a-a-an-Anko? Where? K-k-keep her away! Oh God, KEEP HER AWAY! AAAAHHHH!"

"Don't even think about it, brat. You'll be dead, dismembered and drained of every last drop of bodily fluid before she even finishes ripping your clothes off. ...You know, on second thought, if you just go down the road a ways and turn-"

Not helpful at all; And a little disheartening, to be perfectly honest. So with nowhere else to turn, he paid a visit to the Hokage.  
-Breakline-

"Ah, Naruto!" Sarutobi greeted cheerfully, being quick to stuff the little orange book that he'd been reading under a stack of papers on his desk. "I trust you had an ...eventful birthday?"

Naruto's greeting was a bit sourer. "Yeah, 'eventful' would be a good word for it. And thanks a whole bunch for deciding to never give me any kind of heads-up for those kinds of events!"

Sarutobi's smile dropped a little. "You...didn't know? Iruka or anyone never explained it to you?"

"Only about fifteen minutes AFTER it would have been appreciated!"

Sarutobi felt a stab of guilt, which he managed to hide well. "I see." He fell silent for a moment before smirking. "Must have been quite the surprise for you then, huh?"

"Oh, I was surprised! I went from licking chocolate off a naked girl who I regularly refer to as 'neechan' to hiding under my bed from a...are you listening to me?"

Sarutobi shook himself from his daze and wiped the drool from his chin. "Sorry, you lost me about halfway through there."

Naruto grumbled. Dirty old man.

Forcing the lecherous grin from his face, the Hokage continued. "But uh, you were hiding from what now?"

"Some demon lady named Anko."

"Ah," the old man said, nodding as though he'd expected it. "I told her to restrain herself a bit when dealing with you, but she always was such a go-getter."

"Well she 'went and got' Iruka-sensei instead, and from what I've been able to gather, she's probably got him tied up in her basement and is either torturing him or is trying to sex him to death!"

"Probably both," Sarutobi ventured.

"So then let's go help him!"

"...Why?"

Naruto looked exasperated. "Why? Death by sex is still death, isn't it? Are you just gonna let her kill him?"

Sarutobi laughed out loud and waved his hand. "Don't you worry about that, Naruto; People like to exaggerate just how bad Anko-chan really is. Besides, Iruka's dealt with her plenty of times before and she hasn't managed to 'sex him to death' yet. He'll be fine in a few days."

Seeing that Naruto still didn't look completely convinced, Sarutobi decided to change the subject. "You know what you need to take your mind off of things, Naruto? A massage." He reached into his desk and pulled out a small stub of paper, which Naruto took with some trepidation. "Think of it as a late birthday present. Just take that to the Konoha Health Spa & Beauty Center and they'll let you right in. And if you think about it, ask for Izumi. She gave me one just yesterday and let me tell you, she really-"

Naruto interrupted with a gag. "You mean you made some poor girl rub all over your saggy, wrinkly old body? GROSS!" He barely dodged the stone paperweight that was aimed for his head and escaped the room before the old man found something else to throw at him.

"Hokages have needs too, damnit!"

-Breakline-

The next day…

"Hey Uzumaki."

Naruto started, and glanced around wondering who had actually decided to talk to him. It turned out to be Kiba, leaning down toward him with his white puppy, Akamaru asleep on his head.

"You were the last one to see sensei that day when he made you stay after class, right?" the Inuzuka questioned. "You know where he went?"

Naruto sighed and turned back around. "Last I saw of him he was being dragged away in chains, sobbing."

Kiba looked alarmed. "Are you serious? ...Oh wait, you mean by a woman?"

Naruto nodded, causing Kiba to settle down. "Lucky guy. And for four days, too. Damn." He started to lean back in his seat when he thought of something. Leaning in closer to Naruto, he lowered his voice conspiratorially. "Speaking of which, you just turned of age, didn't you?"

Naruto sank into his seat, not wishing to discuss this with the dog boy of all people.

Kiba's grin turned more lecherous. "Isn't it freakin' awesome? I mean sure, I have to put up with a lot of creepy talks and 'helpful teachings' from my family... and a couple of the dogs, but it's SO worth it!" He leaned forward even further until his face was nearly side-by-side with Naruto's. "So who was your first piece of tail? Pinky over there?" he gestured toward Sakura, who in turn was gazing longingly at Sasuke. "Or maybe you were lucky enough to give Ino her first time too, eh?" He snapped his fingers. "Oh, you dog; it was Hinata, wasn't it? You went for the quiet girl even though she's not even legal yet, didn't you? She's probably a total freak in bed though, right? Be honest with me!"

"Would you shut up?" Naruto hissed.

Kiba quirked an eyebrow. "…You haven't done it yet, have you?" Seeing Naruto sink as far he possibly could without ending up on the floor made him smirk even wider. "Oh that is just sad, dude."

"Stop talking to me," Naruto grumbled.

Kiba sat back, raising his hands disarmingly. "Alright, alright, I'm just saying: You'd better find someone that can stand the thought of tossing you some pity sex real soon unless you want to end up like Uchiha over there."

"Sasuke?" Naruto asked in surprise. The pretty-boy top student whom EVERY girl fawned over, hadn't had sex yet either?

Kiba nodded in the direction of said boy. "Don't know what the hell's wrong with him; he could have every girl in this academy all at the same time if he really wanted to. But I can smell pent-up sexual frustration from a mile away, and I can say for certain that it's been a good long time since he's been laid."

Out of the corner of his eye, Naruto looked over at Sasuke, who was sitting with his hands clasped in front of his face and looking as impassive and broody as ever. He was about to turn away when Sasuke's body suddenly gave a sharp spasm. It only lasted an instant and the next he was back to normal, but he was sure he'd seen it.

Weird.

As Mizuki entered the room and began the day's lecture, Naruto's mind began to wander, much like it always did in class. Loath as he was to admit it, Kiba actually made a good point. There was no telling when he would suddenly start to feel the effects of the pheromone, and when he did, he would need someone to help him with the uncontrollable needs just like anyone else would.

But who would it be?

As much as he would have loved it to be Sakura-chan, he was a bit reluctant to even think about it. He really loved her fiery attitude and all, but for the most part that fieriness was usually directed toward him in a rather negative way. Heck, if she barely tolerated having him sit next to her in class, he hated to think of what she might do if he just waltzed up and asked her for sex. The mental image of her most likely reaction caused him to shiver and cross his legs protectively. Maybe he'd get lucky and she'd end up coming to him instead…

Ino was in the same boat as Sakura. Besides, he barely knew her outside of class, and last time he'd offered to help her with something she'd belted him.

And who was the Hinata girl that Kiba had mentioned? The name was sort of familiar, but which one was she? Looking around, he spotted what must have been her in the back row, looking down at her desk. He turned back to her every few moments, but oddly enough, every time he did she would bring her textbook up and hide her face from view. But from the glimpses he'd managed to catch of her, he deduced that she was a bit creepy looking. It was a shame: She might have been pretty cute if it weren't for those thick, bulging veins on her face.

And then there was Ayame. She seemed to be willing enough, so long as she wasn't bitter over him avoiding her for the last four days. He hated giving up his treasured sustenance for that long, but after the things he'd done with her it just felt kind of awkward to see her again.

To top it all off, he wasn't exactly an expert when it came to women, or sex for that matter. But if it really was unavoidable, he would be damned if he ended up in a situation like he had with Ayame again and not have the foggiest idea of what to do about it. And with that in mind, Naruto made the decision that before anything else happened to him he was going to need to start doing some research.

-Breakline-

And so a week passed. When he wasn't sitting in class, Naruto could typically be found shut in his room, empty ramen cups littering the floor and the occasional tissue jammed up his nostrils, pouring over various books, manuals and scrolls that he had managed to 'acquire' from different places and people. He'd started out small with a simple anatomy book to better familiarize himself with what he would be working with, and quickly progressed to the classic 'Where Do Babies Come From', then onto 'The Idiot's Guide to Intercourse', and finally to a copy of Icha Icha Paradise Volume 1, which he quickly discarded knowing full well that no real person could actually do some of the things depicted in the first two chapters alone.

Illustrations be damned.

As it was, Naruto would have preferred to get some advice from a person rather than books and manuals, but the only person he really felt comfortable asking about it from was Iruka. And unfortunately, he was still unable to go to him for further advice, because when the instructor finally returned to class after his long absence, part of which was apparently spent in intensive recovery, he ended up disappearing again only a few hours after class had begun. This spurred Naruto onward to finish his studying so that he might be able to finally rescue Iruka from the clutches of Anko.

Unfortunately, though his determination to save his friend and teacher was high, something happened to distract Naruto from even that. While taking in all this new information about women and sex, an idea popped into his head.

An idea for what could quite possibly be the best damn prank ever to be pulled in his young life!

-Breakline-

And so a few more weeks passed.

Ayame was really distressed.

It had been nearly a month since Naruto's birthday, and Ayame's hopes of making herself Naruto's first were fading fast. Every new day that passed was another day that he remained in danger of people like Yugao and Anko, and any other girl who might happen to be near him when the mood hit.

She at least took comfort in knowing that neither of those two had gotten him. She knew that because if Anko had gotten him the whole village would have known about it because Anko would be shouting it from the Hokage Monument. And if Yugao had gotten him the whole village would have known about it because she would have bragged about it to Anko, who would in turn complain about it to everyone else that she ran into.

And while Ayame was worried enough about Naruto's innocence being shattered by those two virgin-breakers, the more concerning matter was that Naruto had been avoiding her.

For as far back as she could remember, Naruto had come to their shop every day, sometimes as many as four times in a single day, to eat. But ever since his birthday, they were lucky to see him walk in even once a day. And even when he did come by, he only stayed long enough to eat and then take off again without even bothering to talk to anyone; sometimes he'd even take his orders to go. Ayame hadn't wanted to push the issue with him, but any time that she had asked what he was so preoccupied with, he always just said, "Studying."

Ayame thought she could understood that, at least. Given that his academy finals were approaching, she figured that he was putting extra effort into his training to keep from failing again.

But even so, would it kill him to take a break now and then to come see her? After all, when a girl literally gift-wraps herself for you, the last thing you're supposed to do is avoid her or pretend that it didn't happen, right? Besides, she hadn't been THAT forward about it, had she? Compared to some of the things she'd seen other villagers do to people they liked, her little surprise seemed almost reserved.

But then again, this was Naruto, after all. And if he really had been lied to his whole life like Iruka said he'd been, she could see how she might have come on a little strong. So with that in mind, she resolved that the next time Naruto came by, she'd be sure to take things at a much slower pace with him, to let him know that she wasn't some sex-starved lunatic like some people she could name.

-Breakline-

Naruto walked to Ichiraku's with a big grin on his face. His training had finally paid off, and he couldn't wait to try it out on some unsuspecting sucker. But first things first: He'd kept himself so damn busy with learning about women and sex and practicing his latest prank that he had actually been cutting down on his visits to Ichiraku's, something he would have thought impossible not too long ago. Hopefully old man Ichiraku and Ayame wouldn't be upset about him neglecting them like that.

Walking into the ramen stand, he spotted Ayame standing behind the counter, looking lost in thought. He raised his arm to get her attention. "Hi, Ayame-nee-"

He didn't finish, because with a speed that could make even a jounin envious, Ayame had leapt over the counter, tackled him to the floor and was now kissing him so hard he could already feel his lips start to bruise. Thinking franticly, Naruto tried to distract himself from the kiss to prevent anything embarrassing from happening, but trying to ignore that only brought attention to everything else that was happening between the two of them, namely her chest pressed up against his, her legs entwined around his, her hips grinding into his...

And just as Naruto reached the point of either fainting or breaking down and reciprocating, he wasn't sure which, everything stopped all at once and Ayame quickly pulled herself up and off of him, breathless and flushed. Had he ventured a guess, Naruto would say he looked about the same.

Breaking the silence, Ayame gave him a sheepish grin. "Um...good morning?"

"I'll say," Naruto mumbled before shaking his head and sitting up. "I mean, good morning."

Ayame giggled, relieved that Naruto hadn't run away the moment she'd moved. "So...hungry?"

Naruto brightened as well. "You bet!"

Ayame started humming to herself as she began boiling a fresh batch of noodles. Naruto propped himself in a seat, resting on his elbows and watching her work.

"So," he began after a moment of silence. "I guess you're not mad at me for skipping out on you guys so much the last couple of weeks?"

"No, of course not," she assured him. "Actually, I was thinking that maybe you were mad at me for what I did back then. I mean, it was a little over the top."

Naruto laughed good-naturedly. "Nah, it's okay. Besides, it wasn't all bad."

Ayame quirked an eyebrow. "Oh really? Then...what was your favorite part?"

Naruto stopped laughing. "P-pardon?"

"I said: What part of my birthday surprise did you like the best?"

Naruto's mouth opened, and then closed. He wondered how he could best answer this question without sounding like a moron or a jerk. "Uh...well, about that...I really liked your, I mean liked the...err..."

Ayame stifled a laugh, deciding to let him off the hook for now. "I'm just kidding, Naruto-kun. Anyway, how did all of your studying go?"

Naruto's eyes lit up with untold amounts of mischief. "It was great! Wanna see my new jutsu?"

"Sure, why not," she said, as she removed the noodles from the stove.

Naruto jumped up from his seat, looking positively giddy. "All right, go look outside and tell me if you see someone coming in. I'm gonna use it to play a prank on someone!"

Ayame couldn't help rolling her eyes. Typical Naruto, she supposed. She walked over to the entrance and looked out, scanning both sides of the street until she spotted a boy walking in their direction. Seeing the boy notice her and wave, she suspected he'd be stopping in. "There's a kid about your age coming, Naruto-kun," she informed him.

"Perfect," Naruto said, forming a hand seal. This was going to be so great! "Henge."

-Breakline-

Inuzuka Kiba smirked as he waved to Ichiraku Ayame. Before hitting puberty, he'd almost never eaten at the ramen shop, preferring meat with rice as opposed to with noodles. But recently, he'd been frequenting the place a lot more often, hoping that sooner or later he might get lucky and have the chance to hook up with a hot, slightly older woman like Ayame.

"Morning, Ayame-chan," he greeted when he got close enough. Akamaru gave a greeting of his own from atop his owner's head.

"Good morning, Kiba-kun," she responded, giving the dog a small pat on the head. "And you too, Akamaru." She then ushered them into the restaurant.

"I don't have a lot of time today," Kiba mentioned as he entered the shop. "Gotta get to class ffff-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-"

Hearing Kiba's strangled speech, Ayame followed in behind him. "What's wrong, Ki-" Then her jaw hit the floor.

Standing in front of them, posing as though she were modeling for the centerfold, was a completely naked girl, her decency hidden by nothing more than a thin trail of smoke. She gave the two a coy wink as they stared, mesmerized and horrified, at her.

Kiba finally found his voice again.

"Oh...my..."

"GOD!" Ayame finished before dashing over, grabbing the blonde by the arm and dragging her into the back room before she could make any form of protest.

Kiba remained motionless for almost a full minute as he stared at the doorway that the two girls had disappeared behind. He might have stayed that way even longer had Akamaru not nipped him in the ear.

"What was that for?" he demanded, to which the puppy gave a curt yip. "There's nothing wrong with fantasizing!" Another yip, followed by a small growl. "What? You say she smelled familiar?" An affirmative bark. Kiba rubbed his chin. "You know, now that you mention it, she looked really familiar, too. She kinda reminds me of-"

The Inuzuka froze. A dark expression appeared on his face. "Oh, I'll kill him."  
-Breakline-

"Aw Ayame-chan! You didn't let me finish my prank!" Naruto pouted.

In her state of protective anger, Ayame managed to ignore the fact that a pouting female Naruto was about the most adorable thing she'd ever seen, along with the fact that 'she' was still naked, and bopped the blonde lightly on the head. "Don't ever do that again, you dummy!"

"Why not?" Naruto demanded while rubbing 'her' head. "Didn't you see the look on his face? It was hilarious!"

Ayame shook her head, her patience waning slightly. "Naruto, running around naked in public places like that is like an open invitation for anyone in the area to take and do whatever they want with you! It's a dangerous practice that only the biggest of nymphomaniacs dare to attempt because there's never any telling who or how many people will end up getting involved with it. What would you have done if something like that happened to you?"

Naruto shrugged. "Turn back to a guy and make fun of them?"

"Did you ever consider that it might take more than that to dissuade some of them? A lot of people in Konoha aren't exactly picky when the urge hits them, especially if they're being teased, you know?"

No, he sure hadn't considered that. "I'll be more careful," he begrudgingly mumbled.

Nodding in approval, Ayame was finally able to address the whole naked female Naruto situation. "So what have you done to yourself here?" she asked as she gave her friend's new body a twice-over, noting with some envy the perfectly proportioned body that would have any guy and more than a few women drooling like idiots over it. "Is it all real, or just some kind of illusion?"

"'Course it's real! I've been practicing this for weeks now. I've got the female body down pat!"

"Really?" Ayame asked, quirking an eyebrow. She then proceeded to reach out and grab two big handfuls of the 'realness' for further clarification. Naruto responded to this with a very high-pitched squeak and full-body lock-up.

"Yep, these are definitely real," the ramen girl confirmed as she continued squeezing, poking, prodding and tweaking Naruto's chest, oblivious to the wide array of expressions and reactions she was getting from doing it. "Well what about down there, then?" Surely he couldn't have replicated a female body that closely, right?

She didn't get a definite answer, because the instant her hand grazed her target area, Naruto let out a shriek and literally hit the ceiling, leaving a large crack in his wake and dispelling the jutsu before collapsing back to the floor.

Ayame blinked in surprise, and knelt down beside him. "Are you all right, Naruto-kun?"

In his head, Naruto was saying, "-"

Out loud, he said, "I...I have to get to class!" And, ignoring his concussion, he sprang to his feet and dashed out the door, cursing himself for making the jutsu so realistic and swearing to never, EVER use it again. ...Unless it were really, really funny, of course.

Ayame watched him run away, disappointed. Here she had hoped to wish him luck on his shinobi exams, and instead she'd apparently gotten a bit carried away with herself. Thinking back on it, she was amazed at just how well a boy like Naruto had managed to replicate a female body. And how soft his female body was. And how adorable his squeaks had been when she was testing the body out...

It was then that she noticed a tingling down below.

"Damnit," she cursed. "Guess I was having a little too much fun." Leave it to Naruto to manage to turn her on even when he was a girl. He was certainly going to make up for this one of these days.

-Breakline-

"UZUMAKI!"

Naruto cringed as Kiba all but body-slammed him into the wall the moment he entered the academy.

"What the hell, man? What, the hell?" the Inuzuka demanded.

Naruto, at the moment, was still a bit out of it since the memories of being fondled by a woman, AS a woman wouldn't leave his head, and had to pause for a moment to consider what Kiba was so angry about.

…Oh yeah, the prank. Right.

"Look dog-breath-"

"You look!" Kiba interrupted. "How could you not ever tell me you had such a hot sister! I thought we were friends!"

"...What?"

"I mean, I know we don't exactly hang out like we used to when we were younger, but you just can't keep things like that hidden from people!" Kiba clarified. "Especially when they're as smokin' hot as her!"

"...Sister?" Naruto asked, looking dumbfounded.

"Don't play dumb with me! She had the exact same hair and eye color as you and the same clan markings on her face! What's her name? How old is she? She's definitely legal, right? You gotta hook me up, man!"

Naruto confused face melted into a smirk. So Kiba thought his Oiroke was his sister? This had possibilities to it. Should he come clean now and have the whole academy laugh at Kiba for getting turned on by a guy in disguise, or should he play along and drag the prank out even further, thereby making him look even stupider later on?

Taking Naruto's smirking silence completely the wrong way, Kiba let out a strained growl. "Wanna play hardball, huh? Alright then, how about this," He pulled Naruto in closer to him. "Do you know what a Sister-Swap is?"

Naruto quirked his eyebrow. "Do I want to know?"

Kiba fished out a small photograph from his pocket and handed it to Naruto, who's eyes widened upon seeing its contents. "My sister Hana. Chunin, veterinarian, and yes, she does own a special uniform if nurses are your thing. 87-63-86. What do you think?"

"Why do you carry around a picture of your sister in a see-through negligee?"

"That's not important," Kiba answered, snatching back the photo. "Here's the deal Naruto: You set me up with your sister, and I'll set you up with mine, it's that simple. Sound good?"

"You're saying you want to pimp out your own sister?" Naruto asked, remembering a similar phrase used from the little bit of Icha Icha Paradise he'd read.

Kiba waved it off. "Pimp is such a derogatory word. I just like to think of it as sharing the wealth. Sort of a tit-for-tat, if you get my drift."

Naruto remained silent, and Kiba clapped him on the shoulder. "Well at least think about it, alright? For now, let's just worry about passing that final exam."

"THAT'S TODAY!" an eye-bulging Naruto screeched, causing Kiba to flinch.

"Uh, yeah. The exact same day that the instructors have been telling us it would be on for the last two months, remember?"

Naruto spent the next five minutes cussing under his breath while the class waited for the instructors to show up. He couldn't believe how stupid he was; he'd been so focused on learning about sex and women and perfecting his Oiroke no Jutsu that he'd completely forgotten about practicing for his final genin exam.

He took a deep breath as Mizuki and a haggard looking Iruka entered the room. Maybe he could still pass this time. He felt even with his lack of studying he would still be okay. After all, he'd already performed a Kawarimi once before, and if he could henge into a woman without any problems he could surely henge into another person, right?

Right.

So just as long as the final test didn't end up being-

"Bunshin no Jutsu," Mizuki announced to the class.

Naruto's head struck the desk. "AW, FUCK ME!"

In the back of the class, Hinata's nose erupted in blood and she collapsed to the floor.

"Would someone please carry Hyuga-san to the nurse," Mizuki commanded without looking up from his charts. "And Uzumaki-kun, please go take care of your more pressing issues. And be quick about it; if you take too long we'll be forced to fail you."

Naruto lifted his head, giving the white-haired teacher a quizzical look. "But I don't-" Then a thought struck him. "Yes sir, Mizuki-sensei!" He couldn't fight his relief as he dashed out of the room, realizing that he'd just bought himself some time. If he could squeeze in a few extra minutes of hard practice, maybe, just maybe it would be enough to help him pass.

Sadly, it wasn't.

-Breakline-


	4. Chapter 3

"Come on, what's taking so long?"

Naruto was currently standing out in the forests surrounding the village, tapping his foot impatiently as he leaned back against a tree. A large scroll rested in the grass next to him.

He'd been standing in that spot for over ten minutes now. Night had long since fallen, and although he didn't exactly have anything better that he could be doing at the moment, Naruto was still not one to be known for his patience.

"Where the heck's Mizuki-sensei?" he wondered aloud. "First he tells me to meet him by the old wooden shed on the northeast side of the village, then he doesn't bother showing up."

He briefly wondered if he'd been set up. Maybe Mizuki was trying to get back at him for something. After all, he had appeared incredibly nervous when telling Naruto about this 'Second Chance Test' of his, but what purpose would he have to do that? It's not as though Naruto had ever pranked him or anything.

Well, not Mizuki specifically.

At least, not in any way that was overly harmful or humiliating.

Not more than once, in any case.

Besides, his hair had grown back, hadn't it?

Naruto slid himself down to a sitting position against the tree, wishing Mizuki would hurry up. Unconsciously, his eyes drifted down to the large scroll that lay beside him. "Wonder what's so special about you anyway," he muttered. Mizuki had been very adamant that Naruto get this scroll in particular, though he hadn't said anything about what kind of scroll it actually was.

Curiosity getting the better of him, he hefted the scroll onto his lap and unfastened it.

His eyes widened as, to his pleasant surprise, he discovered that the scroll was filled with jutsus. And, being Naruto, who was never one to pass up a chance to learn cool jutsus, and was incredibly bored on top of everything, deigned it his duty to learn one from this scroll.

His eyes swept across the first jutsu on the scroll. He grimaced. "What kinda sick joker came up with the name for this one?" There wasn't much to the explanation of it: Just the name, a one sentence description of it, and a list of instructions on how to perform it, even if it didn't go into detail about what the technique actually did. Whoever had written this out hadn't been very thorough, almost as thought they'd simply written it out as quickly as possible so they wouldn't forget it later.

He thought about reading ahead to see what other jutsus were written down, but the short description of the first one caught his attention as one that could be very beneficial to learn.

"Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained." At least now he had something to occupy his time while waiting for Mizuki to show up.

-Breakline-

"Where the hell is he?"

Mizuki was, for lack of a better term, a nervous wreck. He was sweating, pacing, wringing his hands, glancing over his shoulder at the slightest of sounds, and his condition was only growing worse with every passing minute.

"I specifically told that brat to meet me by the shed on the southeast side of the village twenty minutes ago! It couldn't have taken him this long to get the scroll!"

The instructor pulled out a kunai and began hacking away at the side of the wooden shed, hoping to relieve himself of some of his stress. It wasn't helping much. It wasn't until now that he realized this whole plan had been completely stupid from the beginning. What had possessed him to put his faith into the kid with the lowest grades in the school for trying to steal a scroll from the Hokage? Sure, the boy was entirely too willing to cooperate with him when he mentioned making him a genin if he succeeded, and sure the brat's relationship with the old man was better than most, but what in God's name made him think the boy would be capable of pulling something like this off?

What if he'd been caught with the scroll? Would he tell them it was Mizuki who sent him after it?

Of course, he would!

But then, he was just the Demon Brat, so who would believe him even if the kid did rat him out?

The Hokage, for one. And if even one person found out exactly why he wanted this scroll, his life as he knew it would be all over. Rumors spread through this damned village faster than an untreated STD, not that there weren't many of them that were untreatable at this point. But still the fact remained, if something wasn't done immediately he would quickly become the laughing stock of the whole village.

"Damnit, Uzumaki! Where are you!"

-Breakline-

"Agh, crap! Why does it keep turning out like this? Let me see that scroll!"

Naruto knelt down and irritably flung open the scroll, finding the first section that contained the jutsu instructions that he was currently failing to master. Brow furrowed in concentration, he read through it again.

"I don't see what I'm doing wrong, but there's no excuse for something like THAT to be happening!" Slowly, his eyes drifted back to the top, where the name of the jutsu was scrawled. "Unless...it's actually supposed to happen that way? But...that would mean that this is..." He shook his head. "No way. What kind of person would actually use a ninjutsu for that sort of thing? Yeah, I'm definitely just doing it wrong."

For a third time he scanned the directions, taking note that the jutsu actually seemed to be two separate techniques in one.

"Maybe I can work on the second part and come back to the part that's messing me up later?"

-Breakline-

"Hokage-sama, I need to speak with you!" Iruka called as he knocked firmly on the door to the old man's residence. The academy teacher was a bit worried about not seeing Naruto since the end of the exams earlier in the day. He'd known that Naruto would be crushed after failing yet again when everyone else had passed and had hoped to console him over a few bowls of ramen. But by the time he'd finished with all the final paperwork Naruto was nowhere to be found. He wasn't at home, or at Ichiraku's, or by the Hokage Monument, or, praise be, at Anko's. He honestly couldn't think of anywhere else the boy might have gone to.

To make matters stranger, when he'd gone searching for Mizuki to ask if he'd seen Naruto after class, he wasn't able to find him, either.

As late as it was now, he decided he'd best check with the Hokage.

Who, for some reason was not answering his door even though Iruka knew that he would be there at this time.

"Hokage-sama," he called again, knocking harder. "It's Iruka, may I come in?"

Again, he received no response. Frowning, he eased the door open a crack, praying that he wasn't about to catch the old man in the middle of a private situation. If there was one way to kill a rampant sex-drive...

As luck would have it, he found the Hokage, fully clothed, standing in the center of the room. Not moving.

"Hokage-sama?" Iruka said once more, wondering if the old man had somehow fallen asleep standing up. He cautiously pushed the door open and stepped inside, walking around until he could see Sarutobi's face. What he saw was a glazed, faraway look with a thin line of drool trailing from his bottom lip.

Iruka frowned and rubbed idly at his chin, then held his hand in front of the old man's face and snapped his fingers, which resulted in Sarutobi falling bonelessly to the floor.

"Hu-wha-who was..." he sputtered weakly.

Iruka leaned over to stare down at him. "Sir, have you been using your crystal ball for voyeurism again? You know with your blood pressure it isn't wise to-"

"That was NOT voyeurism!" Sarutobi refuted firmly. "I was simply trying to find out why it took eight of my top jounin longer to show up to a meeting than it did Kakashi! And then when I found out, I just... temporarily forgot how to make it change channels."

Iruka didn't bother pressing the issue. It was a known fact that the jounin really knew how to throw parties. Or so he was told, at least. Being a lowly chunin, he was never invited, which was something of an injustice among the opinions of the non-jounin of Konoha. Maybe he could organize a party of his own with just chunin, or perhaps limited to the academy instructors. There were a lot of chunin, after all; most of them men, while the academy instructors were a bit more evened out in terms of males and females. And on top of that, Mizuki would probably decline to join in due to personal reasons, which would tip the male/female ratio even more favorably in the end-

"Iruka!"

The young man blinked. "Huh?"

"I said: Were you here for anything specific," Sarutobi asked, having yet to pick himself up from the floor.

Iruka snapped back to attention. "Hokage-sama, do you happen to know where Naruto is? I haven't been able to find him since the exams this afternoon."

"Yes, as a matter of fact. He was just here not too long ago stealing one of my scrolls."

"Ah, well that's a relief. At least I know he hasn't been did you say STEALING one of your scrolls!"

"Indeed," Sarutobi said, slowly climbing back to his feet. "I had stepped out of the room a little while ago for some fresh air, and when I returned I saw Naruto sneaking toward the window with a large scroll on his back. When I tried to question him, he turned into, er...rather; he temporarily incapacitated me and escaped with it."

Iruka's eyes widened. "How on Earth did Naruto manage to incapaci-"

"Now I have to wonder exactly which of my scrolls it was that he took," Sarutobi cut in, pointedly ignoring Iruka's further attempts at getting an answer to his question by moving to his vault of scrolls and scanning his eyes swiftly over its contents. It only took a few seconds to discover which of his scrolls was currently missing.

"Well, that's odd."

"What?" a frantic Iruka demanded. "Which scroll did he take? Was it the birth registry? He got curious about who his parents were or something?"

"No, no, it was a jutsu scroll that he took."

Iruka rubbed his thumbs over his temples. Obviously he would take a jutsu scroll over anything else. The idiot was always complaining in class about the instructors not teaching them any 'awesome jutsus', even though he struggled more than a little with the basics as it was.

"Which jutsu scroll was it, then?" he asked. "You have dozens of them in here, after all, and there are several that aren't even..." His eyes widened in horror. "Please don't tell me he took the Forbidden Jutsus scroll!"

Sarutobi stroked his chin mindfully. "Well, he took A forbidden jutsus scroll, though it's probably not the one you're thinking of."

Iruka looked completely bewildered. "How many forbidden scrolls do you ha...? Wait...are you telling me he took one of the...?"

Sarutobi nodded grimly.

"He...with the...But-but then why do you look so calm!" he sputtered, no longer able to keep his voice in check.

"I'm trying to look on the bright side," was the Hokage's simple answer.

"How could there possibly be a bright side!"

"Well...he didn't take the Uchiha scroll."

"That's-!" Iruka paused, considering. "That is a bright side," he conceded. "But even so: Naruto's still out there with another one of those scrolls! I have to go find him before he does something foolish!"

"Yes, that would probably be for the best," Sarutobi confirmed lightly.

As Iruka rushed to the door, he stopped short and turned back. "Sir, are you sure you're okay? You really seem to be in a good mood, all things considered. You sure you haven't been looking at naked women or anything?"

"He just took me by surprise, that's all!" he denied forcefully. "And I didn't see anything, anyway! There was smoke covering up the naughty bits!"

An uncomfortable silence ensued.

"Um-"

"Just go find Naruto."

"Yes sir."

-Breakline-

Attempt number five.

Gather chakra. Form seal.

"Ha!"

Poof.

Eyes widened.

Hel-lo!

That settled it. There was no way that this jutsu was one meant for combat.

...

Well, he could think of one way that it could be, but it definitely wouldn't be very pleasant for either his opponent or himself.

Not bothering to cancel the jutsu, since he didn't know how to yet anyway, Naruto calmly scooped up the scroll and stared at it in irritation. Now that he knew that the jutsu wasn't what he'd been hoping for when he started, a mental war was arising.

One side, led by Common Sense, told him to cut his loses now, find Mizuki, hand over the scroll without any further questions, then go home and forget about the entire thing.

The other side, with Stubbornness at the helm, told him to try combining the two separate parts of the jutsu together on the slight chance that maybe, just maybe, doing so would result in a completely different outcome than the one he was already imagining. And that even if it was what he imagined, it might still come in handy sometime in the future.

Hmm...

-Breakline-

There is a place in Konoha that exists in infamy. From the outside, it looked no different than anywhere else, and completely harmless to boot. But only those who had actually been there could tell you the truth. Unfortunately, it was rare for any two tales of the place to match up exactly. It was a magical place, though others would call it cursed. The souls of mortals were judged here, and God help you if you were found wanting. Some people who went there would find pleasure beyond measure; others might see their lives flash before their eyes. Others still might die. Those were usually the lucky ones.

It was called an unholy sanctuary. A paradise for the damned. A nexus point connecting this mortal realm to both Heaven and Hell.

Mitarashi Anko just called it her bedroom.

"Where the hell is that choker?"

And a rather messy bedroom, at that.

Anko walked back and forth across the room, stepping over the body of a groaning man in search of her missing accessory.

"Hey you," she said with a kick to the man's midsection. "You've been laying there for three hours now. Time to go home."

"Still...can't...feel...legs..." the man whimpered pitifully.

Anko rolled her eyes at the display. "Whatever. If you're going to stick around at least help me find my stuff. And I'm already late for my big date, so you'll have to feed my snakes."

As the man tried valiantly to get back to his feet and run, Anko marched over to her walk-in closet and began shifting through various, some highly indecent, outfits.

"Let's see here..." she muttered as she pulled one off the rack. "If I wore this one it would show off my sexy tattoo." She grabbed another. "Or I could wear this one and make him search for it later. ...Leather, lace, silk or chains? Oh, decisions, decisions..."

Skimming through the rest of her wardrobe, the Special Jounin began fantasizing about how the night might play out. From what she knew about her target, he'd probably put on a strong front at first, but once she turned the heat up he'd break down and make a run for it. She loved it when they ran. If she got lucky maybe he'd go all out with a few feeble cries along the lines of "Help, rape!" which no one would heed to once they realized that she was involved. That was always cute. Then after a rousing game of cat and mouse to get the blood pumping, she'd snare him, drag him back to her place, and then spend the rest of the night fucking him through the floor!

"I'm such a hopeless romantic!" she squealed, covering her blushing cheeks with her hands and feeling insanely giddy.

A lot of people call Anko a Sex-Crazed Sadist.

And a lot of people are right.

However, people would be wrong if they claimed that she were the biggest nymphomaniac in all of Konoha. Anko herself would tell you that Uzuki Yugao easily outclassed her in that area, if only for the reason that Yugao had more of it, while Anko just happened to be the kinkier of the two. There was also the fact that Yugao always had sex just for the sake of having sex. And while Anko certainly enjoyed sex as much as anyone, there was a time when she'd had ulterior motives for it.

When she had returned to Konoha after playing the unknowing lab rat for Orochimaru's Curse Seal, the Kyubi had already come and gone, leaving her quite unprepared for the sudden impact of the pheromone on her newly developing body. And, to put it lightly, she didn't have a whole lot of friendly supporters to turn to. She could count them all on one hand, as a matter of fact. And they weren't always around when she needed them.

Then her body started to mature. Almost overnight, those same pricks who dismissed her with mutterings of 'Snake Slut' and 'Orochimaru's Sloppy-Seconds', all started trying to hit her up for sex. She landed eight of them into Intensive Care before Sarutobi sat her down and politely asked her to stop injuring all of his ANBU. So for a few months after that she stuck with simply verbally emasculating every two-faced bastard or bitch who tried approaching her.

Surprisingly, it had been her oldest and closest friend, Yuuhi Kurenai, who had made the suggestion of using sex to her advantage against them rather than simply shutting them down point blank. At Anko's curious prompting, the genjutsuist went on to give various different examples of things Anko could do to make people regret the way they'd treated her; four of which would later be compiled into the growing list of Anko's Obscure Snake-Style Techniques. In the end Kurenai had laughed the whole thing off and went on about her day as usual, completely missing the wicked gleam that had appeared in the younger girl's eyes.

Two weeks later, on the way home from hearing about Anko's recent activities from a couple of the 'victims', nobody else was around to hear Kurenai whisper the words, "Oh God, what have I done?", but the whole village did give a collective, unexplainable shudder when she did.

And the rest, as they say, is history. After a few years of exacting 'vengeance' on the villagers, Anko came to the conclusion that she rather enjoyed dressing provocatively, teasing and tormenting the populous, and just letting loose and doing whatever wild or kinky thing that came to mind with whoever was around at the time. It was fun.

Even more fun was her first real meeting with Yugao, who introduced her to the world of Virgin-Breaking. There was just something about staring into the eyes of someone and watching the innocence literally vanish that got her off in ways that nothing else could.

Which brought her to tonight, where a rare opportunity awaited her. A once in a lifetime chance; and something like that demanded a special outfit. One that she found hidden in the back of her closet. A black, lacy and strapless one-piece which hugged her down to a scandalously high cut on her hips and showed a thin T-shaped strip of flesh from her belly-button up to the underside of her breasts. She hadn't worn it for quite some time, might as well see if it still held its original appeal, especially now that it was at least a size too small for her.

No sooner had she stripped out of her normal attire did she sense someone slipping their way into her house.

"Well speak of the devil," she muttered while fishing a pair of black stockings out of her drawer, not turning to face the intruder even as a pair of slim arms wrapped around her from behind.

"Miss me, joufu?" a sultry voice whispered into her ear. Anko barely even bat an eye, even when a soft hand reached up to give her right breast an appreciative squeeze, just returned the unseen smirk that the visitor was definitely sporting.

"Yugao-chan, you certainly took your sweet time."

"Yes, well," the ANBU woman said as she slunk away from Anko to collapse onto the bed. "I take my duties quite seriously, you know? It just wouldn't do to leave a mission if the clients weren't one hundred percent satisfied, would it?"

"So I assume that everything went well then?" Anko asked as she returned to her dresser. Hmm, garters tonight or no?

Yugao gave a small, airy laugh. "But of course! The Swamp Country is now a much happier place than it was one month ago."

"Oh? Got rid of that tyrannical daimyo and his crooked council with no problems, huh?"

"Hmm?" Yugao, who had been reclining with her head hanging off the edge of the bed, tilted back as far as she could toward the other woman. "What now?"

Anko rolled her eyes. "The assassination mission that you took on last month? The reason you were gone all this time?"

Yugao stared blankly for a few more seconds before snapping her fingers. "Oh right! Yeah, I guess I did that, too. Wow, it really has been a busy month."

"I can imagine." Anko finished dressing, then threw her everyday trenchcoat on over top of it. Yugao managed to get a quick look at the ensemble before the coat was tied shut.

"My, my, and what does my sweet little Anko-chan have planned for tonight?"

Anko grinned in anticipation. "Fox Hunting Season has officially started."

Yugao turned thoughtful. "I thought that was last month?" she said, giving Anko her most demure of pouts. "I seem to recall you gloating over the fact that I wouldn't be here to get in your way of catching him."

"True, but I made this silly deal with Iruka-chan that I wouldn't touch the boy until he finished with his academy exams."

"Oh, I heard he failed again, the poor dear."

Anko nodded. "Fortunately, Iruka-chan didn't say anything about him having to pass, which gives me the perfect reason to go cheer him up. Can I borrow your choker?"

Yugao quirked her eyebrow at the question. "The one with the heart-shaped tag that says 'Shut up and fuck me'?"

"Please?" she asked, holding her hand out expectantly.

The older girl shook her head with a smirk. "Sorry, but I need it tonight."

Anko's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Oh?"

"Mm-hm. Obviously, if Naruto-chan's innocence is still up for grabs, I can't simply stand by and watch you take it."

"Is that how it is?"

"But of course. I've already missed out on a lot of prime virgins in the last few months because I've been on so many missions. I can't possibly let a chance like this pass me by."

Anko faced her with an intrigued frown. "Well, I don't mind making a race out of it, but when I find him first, I trust that you'll do the polite thing and not interfere until at least round three?"

Yugao gave another airy laugh and stood up, sashaying her way over to stroke a finger along Anko's jawline. "I don't think there will be any cause for concern with that, joufu dear. After all," she leaned in to whisper in her ear. "I'm already way ahead of you." She then proceeded to vanish in a puff of smoke.

"Oh, you bitch," Anko growled as she quickly shunshined out into the night.

-Breakline-


	5. Chapter 4

This is the last of the Legendary Legacy Only chapters. From tomorrow, there's new stuff. Enjoy!

After over a half-hour of searching, Iruka finally tracked Naruto down on the outskirts of the village. He found the boy sitting against a tree, the stolen scroll resting beside him. The boy started when he heard him approach, but visibly relaxed when he saw who it was.

"Oh, hi sensei," he greeted wearily. "I didn't think you'd be showing up."

Iruka failed to remain calm in the face of Naruto's nonchalance of the whole situation he'd caused. "Naruto, you-"

"But hey," Naruto cut in. "As long as you're here, there's something I need to ask you."

Iruka's anger faltered slightly. "Ask me?"

"Yeah," the boy went on, hefting the large scroll into his lap. "This scroll: It's filled with nothing but...well, I guess you would call them Sex Jutsus or something...anyway, it's filled with them, isn't it?"

Iruka scratched the side of his head in confusion. "Well...yeah."

Naruto hung his head. "I knew it. I should have realized earlier, but..."

Despite Naruto's reaction to knowing what he was in possession of, Iruka's anger returned in full force. "Do you even realize what you've done, Naruto?" he demanded. "You STOLE a scroll, a forbidden scroll I might add, from the Hokage's personal stock! Do you even realize what the consequences of that could be?"

Naruto tilted his head to the side and frowned. "By 'consequences', do you mean proving that I'm ready to be a shinobi and officially being made a genin?"

Now Iruka was downright flabbergasted. "N...no. Where in the world would you get an idea like that?"

"From Mizuki-sensei."

"Miz-?"

"Hey, you idiot!"

Both looked up, spotting a huffing and highly irate looking Mizuki standing on a tree branch several feet above. "What is he doing here?" The white-haired chunin yelled, pointing at Iruka. "I told you not to let anyone else find out about this!"

Naruto stood up, looking slightly peeved himself.

"It's not my fault! He only got here thirty seconds ago! It's your fault for making me wait here for so long!"

"You went to the wrong place, you dumbass!" he bellowed. "You've failed miserably! Just give me the scroll and go home!"

Iruka turned back to Naruto, who looked absolutely devastated, then glared back up at Mizuki. "What's this all about Mizuki? Why would you tell Naruto that he could become a genin by stealing a scroll from the Hokage?"

Mizuki smirked. "Because I knew he'd be stupid enough to believe it, of course!"

Naruto's head shot back up, fire appearing in his eyes. "Then you did just want to set me up!"

"What do you want that scroll for anyway, Mizuki?" Iruka went on. "The jutsus in it were all deemed unsafe for practical use!"

"You know exactly why I need it, Iruka! Somewhere in that scroll is the solution to all of my problems!"

"Problems...? Are you still upset about that?"

Naruto noticed that he was being ignored. "Hey."

"OF COURSE I'm upset about it! Who the hell wouldn't be?"

"I've told you, Mizuki, it's not that big a deal; it happens to a lot of guys-"

"Bullshit! Not in this village it doesn't! Guys can't afford for something like that to happen to them in this place!"

Naruto really didn't like being ignored. "Hey!"

"Tsubaki doesn't care about that, you know? I mean, she's stayed with you all this time, it's obvious that she still loves you!"

"What the hell does love have to do with it? The fact is I'm practically forced to remain exclusive to her just to keep other people from finding out my secret!"

"What are you two talking about?" Naruto finally demanded.

"Mizuki is a quick-shot, Naruto," Iruka stated distractedly.

"IRUKA!" Mizuki cried in outrage.

Iruka's eyes widened and slapped one hand over his mouth while waving the other one toward Mizuki in what he hoped was a calming manner. He knew all too well from past experience just how sensitive Mizuki was about his...inadequacies. "Sorry, sorry! But uh...it's probably okay; I'm sure Naruto doesn't even know what that means!"

"It's when a guy orgasms embarrassingly early, isn't it?"

Both Iruka and Mizuki turned to Naruto in shock and horror respectively, to which Naruto simply grinned proudly. "I've been studying."

Mizuki recovered from Naruto's declaration first and directed his fury back at Iruka. "I told you about that in confidence, Iruka! You swore you'd never mention it again! Who else have you told!"

"No one, honest! I'm really sorry, Mizuki," he apologized again. "It just slipped out; I swear it was an accident. You know I'd never tell anyone that on purpose!"

Mizuki, who had been trembling in rage, slowly began to calm down. "I...guess you're right. It's not your fault, Iruka. I mean, deep, dark secrets like that can just slip out all the time, right?"

Iruka nodded vigorously. "Right!" Then he realized what he'd just said. "Wait, when you say-"

"Hey brat," the white-haired chunin interrupted. "Did anyone ever tell you that when you were born the Yondaime sealed the Kyubi no Yoko inside of you?"

"Mizuki! What are you doing?"

Mizuki shrugged down at them, smirking all the while. "Oops, sorry Iruka. It just slipped out completely by accident. You know how that happens sometimes, right?"

"So you decide to tell a forbidden secret about Naruto in order to get back at me?" he asked incredulously. "Why didn't you just mention those things Anko did to me last week that I told you about?"

Mizuki quirked an eyebrow in amusement. "That was never a secret, Iruka. Anko passed out pictures of it to everyone she met the next morning."

Iruka blushed, mortified that the entire village knew what he'd been subjected to. On the plus side, he knew that the reason a lot of people hadn't said anything about it to him was because they'd gone through the same thing in the past. Sympathizers, in other words.

He shook his head, bringing his mind back to the matter at hand. "Nevertheless, you know the law! You could very well be executed for this if the Sandaime were to find out!"

"Like I care!" Mizuki shot back. "Now that you've told my secret to that loudmouth demon brat you might as well just shout it from the top of the monument! I'll be the joke of the whole village by noon tomorrow!"

"That's still no excuse for blatantly breaking the Sandaime's law! None of this was Naruto's fault-"

"It's ALL his fault! If it weren't for that demon brat I'd never be in a situation like I'm in. Tsubaki-chan would be a normal girl who only needed sex a couple times a week rather than every six hours! Maybe then we could have a normal relationship. I'd be able to keep up with her, and never have to see that look of pity on her face every time I...I..." He shook his head, glaring wrathfully at Naruto. "All because of him!"

All this time, since hearing Mizuki's declaration about him, Naruto had completely blanked out, his mind conflicting furiously. He barely heard anything that the two instructors were saying, but he managed to catch enough of it to confirm that Mizuki wasn't lying.

He was feeling a lot of different things at once: Anger, hurt, betrayal, to name a few. But when he heard Mizuki blaming all of his problems on him, anger decided to take the front.

"Hey! Don't go blaming me just because you're not man enough to please your woman!"

Silence.

Iruka was aghast. He'd never heard Naruto say things like that before. What in the world had happened to him over the last month?

Mizuki was quivering violently, and a low, unnerving chuckle began escaping from his throat.

"I'll kill you," he growled. "I'll kill you both! Then no one else will ever learn my horrible secret, and everyone in the village will rejoice when they find out that the demon brat is dead! Then everything can go back to normal!"

Iruka cringed as Mizuki removed two giant shuriken from his back. It seemed the troubled man had finally snapped. This was not going to end well.

"Naruto," he muttered, reaching for his kunai pouch. "Run back to the village and tell the Hokage what's happened. I'll try to keep Mizuki under control here."

"No way!" The blonde boy stepped forward, glaring in defiance. "I'm gonna kick his ass myself!"

"This isn't the time for this now, Naruto," Iruka refuted. "Whether you like him or not, Mizuki is still a chunin with a lot more experience than you."

"I don't care! He's not going to get away with saying things like that about me!"

Mizuki started laughing. "Are you saying that you're gonna try to beat me? Yeah, now pull the other one, brat!"

"Shut up!" Naruto shouted, raising his fist into the air. "If I used my new jutsu on you I could kick your ass eight ways to Sunday!" He paused, suddenly looking sheepish. "Granted, I really wouldn't want to use it on you, that's for sure."

The declaration only made Mizuki laugh harder. "Oh please! A kid like you, who can't even master a basic Bunshin no Jutsu, is going to try to scare me with a cliché line like 'I'll have to use THAT jutsu on you'? Give me a break!"

Naruto frowned in annoyance, ready to fire off another retort.

"But now you've got me curious," Mizuki interrupted. He lowered his shuriken with a patronizing sneer on his face. "So go on, show me your big, scary jutsu."

Naruto shook his head. "Trust me, you definitely don't want to see it."

The chunin's sneer widened further still. "Aw, what's the matter, ya little virgin? You were so confident a second ago."

A vein began twitching at Naruto's temple. "I'm being serious now; if I used that jutsu I guarantee we'd both regret it. You'd be better off just going home and-"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I was mistaken. Here I've been calling you a demon all this time, and it turns out you're nothing more than a little FAIRY!"

And something snapped.

"Well then," Naruto said through clenched teeth. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Mizuki continued to laugh and began twirling his oversized shuriken again, preparing to counter anything that the brat might try to hit him with. Assuming he wasn't bluffing like he mostly expected.

Iruka, who had suddenly found himself completely out of the loop, couldn't even find the wherewithal to leap in to Naruto's aid. He was far too confused over Naruto's recent actions, the biggest being his reluctance to show off a new jutsu. That wasn't the boy's style at all! And when had he even learned a new jutsu? Surely he would have told Iruka about it at some...

No.

Horror-filled eyes drifted, painfully slowly, down to the discarded scroll.

"Oh no, please. For the love of God, don't tell me he-!"

"Gang-Bang no Jutsu!"

There was a loud pop as the area was enveloped in smoke, which quickly began dissipating from the forest clearing.

The giant shuriken fell from Mizuki's suddenly limp arms. He looked as though he'd been struck completely catatonic. Iruka wasn't faring any better, as a very visible twitch appeared at his left eye.

"You have got to-"

"-be FUCKING kidding me!" Mizuki finished as the two chunin stared in dumbfounded horror at the dozens upon dozens of-

"Well, this is something new..."

-naked Narutos.

No, wait. Maybe not entirely naked; rather they each wore what, in the darkness, appeared to be bright orange thongs, but for all the coverage they were doing, they might as well have not been there at all.

Of course, they might have covered a bit better if it wasn't for the added 'enhancements' that this particular jutsu seemed to bestow upon its user. Or at least, both Mizuki and Iruka made the conscious decision that it was because of the jutsu. Their pride as men refused to accept that any fourteen year old boy could be that naturally gifted.

The army of Narutos gave a collective grimace. "I think I actually preferred it better when I ended up completely naked." one muttered, attempting to adjust the rather uncomfortable garment.

"Oh God! Pain!" another cried as it crumpled to the ground in a heap before vanishing in a puff of smoke.

As the Narutos pondered the dilemma of their new jutsu, Mizuki made the smartest decision of his life by deciding it was time to beat a very bold retreat.

Unfortunately for him, he didn't beat it fast enough.

"Oh no, you don't!" a Naruto shouted down from atop a tree branch. "Clothes or no clothes, I'm sill kicking your ass!"

And Mizuki screamed like a terrified child as a wave of near-naked humanity bore down upon him from all sides.

From the sidelines, Iruka could only watch on with a look of horror at the veritable train wreck happening right in front of him.

"Waaah! They're touching me! They're TOUCHING ME! OUCH!"

"Hold still!" a Naruto demanded.

"OW OW OW! Iruka, help!"

"You're only making things harder on yourself!"

From within the pile, Mizuki slowly appeared, clawing at the ground in a desperate attempt to pull himself free.

"For God's sake, Iruka!" he pleaded as two Narutos pulled him back into the slaughter.

"You're not getting away! Just accept it!"

"Not in the face! NOT- EW! EEEWWW! OWIE!"

And as much as he wanted to do more to help his old friend out, Iruka could only think of one thing to say at the moment.

"You should...probably try to...keep your mouth closed, Mizuki."

Fifteen more seconds went by when the cries of anguish finally died down, and the multitude of Naruto clones moved away, leaving a battered, bruised and very traumatized Mizuki weeping motionlessly on the ground.

"Huh, it did come in handy, after all," Naruto commented thoughtfully.

"Naruto," Iruka said, slowly breaking out of his trance. He placed a shaky hand on the Naruto that he believed to be the real one standing next to him. "I realize that Mizuki was talking about killing us and all...but there are just some things that you should never, EVER do to another guy, and gangban..." He frowned. "Rather; ganging up on someone and beating them unconscious... while wearing nothing but a thong... is definitely near the top of that list."

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, these things definitely aren't made for fighting in. I can't believe people actually wear them at all."

"That is completely missing the point of everything I just...just..." The instructor hung his head. "Let's just forget about it for now."

Naruto nodded again, turning noticeably somber. "So...I'm really the Kyubi, huh?"

"No," Iruka answered firmly. "You are not the Kyubi and never have been. The Kyubi is only sealed inside you. I realize that must not seem any more comforting, but it's still a big difference."

Naruto stared thoughtfully at the ground. So, the demon that had attacked the village and turned everyone into sex-addicts was sealed inside his body. He really felt like he should have been more upset about hearing that, but for some reason he wasn't. Maybe it was his mind overloading after all the other revelations that had hit him in the last month. Or maybe it was just a form of closure he had been looking for. At least now he could understand why people went out of their way to ignore and dislike him.

It also explained that time a few years back when he was stopped on the streets by a large group of men. Fearing a mugging, he was even more freaked out when they all took turns hugging him and telling him how much they loved and appreciated everything he'd done for them over the years. He had chalked it up to the men all being drunk, but it had still been really fucking creepy.

Iruka watched the subdued boy, having expected some kind of loud, angry outburst or vigorous denial, but he didn't even look upset. "You okay?" he finally asked, to which he got a small nod in return. He replaced his hand on Naruto's shoulder and gave a reaffirming squeeze. "Let's head back to the Hokage's place and have a talk, okay?"

"...Yeah."

"Er, don't you think you should get rid of the rest of them?" Iruka asked, pointed toward the remaining clones and trying hard not to shudder over recent memories of their actions.

Naruto shrugged. "I thought I could have them drag Mizuki-sensei back for us."

Mizuki let out a pitiful sob at hearing that, and weakly curled up into a fetal position.

"...I think I'll carry him," Iruka suggested.

Naruto just shrugged again, feeling no need to object. And at least now he could dispel the jutsu and get his clothes back.

And he would have, had a rustling in the nearby brush not caught his attention.

"-told you I heard screaming coming from o...ver...he..."

Time stood still as Iruka, the many Narutos and the two newcomers all took turns staring at one another, nothing moving but the slight turning of their heads.

"Oh my," Yugao breathed, feeling her face warm up.

"Oh daddy!" Anko drooled, running her tongue over her lips.

"Oh shit!" Iruka cursed, dread rising up in his chest.

Naruto said nothing, just continued appraising the two women staring at him and his clones like they were chocolate. He didn't know who they were, but the one thing he did know was that they both had purple hair, which probably meant...

Yugao and Anko shared a look, some unspoken agreement passing between them. With a nod, they made their intentions perfectly clear.

"CLUSTERFUCK!"

"RUN NARUTO!"

"EVERYBODY SCATTER!" Naruto commanded his remaining clones.

In the end, Iruka and the real Naruto managed to escape, but several times over the next hour Naruto would tense up and either shudder or blush profusely for seemingly no apparent reason.

-Breakline-

Two hours later...

"And that's how it happened."

Ayame said nothing for about three seconds, then promptly burst out laughing.

Naruto frowned, taking a moment to slurp down the last of his ramen broth and pushing the bowl aside. "It's not that funny," he grumbled when Ayame showed no signs of stopping.

"Of course it is!" she managed to gasp out. "How could you have possibly mistaken something like that for an actual shinobi jutsu?"

Naruto crossed his arms, jutting his lip out in a pout. Once the whole forest fiasco had ended, Iruka had taken Naruto and Mizuki back to the Hokage Tower, where he'd been given a long lecture from Sarutobi filled with explanations on why he should be more cautious when dealing with shady requests like Mizuki had made, why he should never break in and steal anything from anyone in the village, and why it was downright unacceptable to cocktease the Hokage (which caused Iruka to not-so-subtly scoot Naruto's chair a little further away from Sarutobi's desk and silently start to reevaluate everything he thought he knew about the old man).

Once it was all over, Naruto headed home, but found he wasn't the least bit tired. He also felt the need to talk about his evening with someone who hadn't already been involved in it.

That way he could brag a little bit.

As luck would have it, he passed by Ichiraku's just in time to find Ayame placing the Closed sign out front. After calling to her, she quickly ushered him inside, having been expecting him to show up since she'd heard that he'd failed his exams again. With Teuchi already asleep in the back room, Ayame had set to work making several bowls of ramen while Naruto wowed her with his grand (and just a little bit exaggerated) story.

It was a shame that Ayame seemed to find so much humor in it, though.

"It wasn't my fault," he pouted. "I told you the description for it was misleading."

"How so?" Ayame asked after successfully reigning in her laughter.

Naruto just shrugged his shoulders, not able to look her in the eyes. "It said that it was the perfect technique for pounding someone from every direction at once."

Ayame gave an un-ladylike snort and dissolved into another fit of laughter.

Naruto gave an exasperated huff. "At first I thought the name was just some lame pun. By the time I realized it was literal I'd already learned the damn thing. And anyway: What sort of person creates such a perverted jutsu in the first place?"

-Breakline-

Not too far away, a large, white-haired man sneezed, which just happened to alert the bathing women that he'd been peeping at of his presence. His body tensed, as did the two men crouching down next to him, all prepared to flee.

And the women went right back to bathing. Public peeping was an everyday occurrence, after all. And besides, it wasn't as thought some of the women present weren't guilty of peeping on guys every now and then, either. Just so long as they didn't try anything funny without permission, they could look all they wanted.

And Jiraiya of the Sannin, not for the first time in the last fourteen years, wept tears of joy.

-Breakline-

"This coming from a guy who invented a jutsu that turns him into a naked woman," Ayame pointed out.

Naruto failed to rein in a blush. "Yeah, well...that was only so I could prank people. I was expecting this jutsu to be one that I could actually use on missions and stuff." He leaned back on his stool, clasping his hands behind his head. "I'm just glad that Jiji told me he'd let me learn the original Kage Bunshin to use on missions."

"I'd stick with the one you've got now if I were you," the ramen girl stated, still grinning.

Naruto nearly fell off the stool.

"Seriously, think about it: There are tons of battle-hardened shinobi out there that've probably killed more people than even they can remember, but how many of them are going to want to stick around to fight a gang of naked guys?" Not to mention what enemy kunoichi might do, she decided to not say aloud.

Naruto didn't answer for a moment. Then he inclined his head to stare at the ceiling, looking thoughtful. "You know: I hate to say it, but you might actually be onto something with that. Mizuki-sensei didn't even try to put up a fight when I used it against him." He turned back to Ayame with a frown. "But doesn't that seem a little bit...you know...gay?"

Ayame giggled at the younger boy's apprehension. "I think that if being naked and beating up guys somehow excited you it might be pretty gay." She eyed him curiously. "Does it?"

Naruto vigorously shook his head 'no'.

"Well, there you are then," she said simply. She scooped up the bowls that Naruto had empties and stacked them in the sink.

"What did Hokage-sama do with Mizuki, by the way?" she asked as she filled the sink with hot water.

"Scheduled him a few therapy sessions and then put him on probation for the next six months."

Ayame looked back at him over her shoulder. "That's all? Even after he tried to kill you and Iruka-san?"

"Jiji figured that he'd already been punished enough."

"Ah."

A short silence passed as Ayame began scrubbing the dishes when Naruto suddenly brightened considerably. "Oh, and I haven't even told you the best part!"

Ayame smirked. "The best part to an evening involving stealing a sex jutsus scroll , gang-banging a teacher and being chased all over by Konoha's two biggest nymphs? This ought to be good."

"Ha ha," he deadpanned. "Well, try making light of my struggles and accomplishments after I tell you that Jiji decided to make me a genin for all of it!"

Ayame whirled around; the dishes left to splash back into the sink. "Are you serious?"

Grinning from ear to ear, Naruto removed a hitai-ite from his pocket and held it up for her to see. "Jiji told me that the Gangbang no Jutsu was actually a more complicated version of Kage Bunshin, which is a more advanced version of a regular Bunshin. And since that was the only part of the exam that I messed up on and managed to learn it so quickly, he decided that I deserved-ACK!"

Ayame didn't let him finish before leaning across the counter and wrapping him in a tight embrace. "That's wonderful, Naruto-kun! I'm so proud of you!"

Naruto took a decent amount of pride in keeping his reactions of the close contact, gentle rubbing, and inadvertent peek down the front of Ayame's blouse down to a mere blush and slight catch in his voice. "Th-thanks, Ayame-chan."

"You know," she said, dropping her voice to a seductive whisper. "We'd have to be quiet enough to not wake dad, but if you wanted to celebrate, we could-" She drew back quickly, shaking her head to chase away such thoughts. She'd made a promise to herself to be patient with Naruto until he was ready, and didn't want to take the chance of scaring him off again. Seeing Naruto stare at her with a bit of concern on his face, she thought hard to change the direction of the conversation.

"Actually, you could probably have a better time celebrating by yourself," she went on before mentally facepalming. The pheromone was really playing havoc on her body now, and she found she was having difficulty controlling her own words. "I mean, you have a jutsu that lets you clone yourself and another one that turns you into a girl, right? Think of all the things you could do with those."

Naruto thought about it for five seconds before shuddering. "Ew. That would have to be the worst case of incest ever!"

"Or the ultimate form of masturbation." Ayame finally just bit down on her tongue to stop any more erotic thoughts from making themselves heard.

Naruto shoved all thoughts on the matter of self-pleasure to the side. Even if she was trying to hide it by joking around and averting her gaze elsewhere, there was no way of avoiding the obvious amount of lust in her eyes every time she looked back at him before swiftly shifting her eyes again.

He knew she was suffering, but before he could do anything about it, there was one last thing that he needed to share with her.

"Ayame-chan..." he began softly. "About...about the fox..."

That single word sobered her up faster than she would have thought possible, bringing her big-sisterly supportive and protectiveness to the foreground. "I told you, Naruto-kun, that doesn't matter. Kyubi or not, you're still the same person you've always been to me."

And she meant it. When Naruto had been so engrossed in retelling his tale that he accidentally let slip the part about the Kyubi being sealed inside him, she hadn't freaked out the way he'd obviously been expecting her to. When asked about it, she told him that she'd 'had a hunch' for a while now. That hunch had come from several years of whispered gossip from customers concerning demons and Naruto. Whispers that they obviously hadn't expected to be overheard by her or anyone else. No one ever came right out and said it, but it still got Ayame curious enough to question her father about it one evening. Teuchi had looked away to hide the guilt on his face and told her it wasn't something she should be asking about, which was as much confirmation as she was ever able to get out of anyone.

She'd watched Naruto a little more closely over the next couple of weeks, seeing first-hand the way people would walk right past him without even looking at him, or if something went wrong how he was always the first one to take blame for it, even if several times they ended up being right. But he always took it all in stride. Always cheerful, always confident. Sometimes he might come into the shop angry and muttering some highly inappropriate things about some villager, but all it took was a few bowls of ramen and a kind word or two from her or her father to get him back to his usual self.

She decided that this boy couldn't possibly be a demon, no matter what others said. And that was also around the time she first started experiencing the power of the pheromone herself. Learning firsthand how overwhelming it could be, combined with what she knew about the general populous' opinion of the boy, she resolved to make sure his life would not become an even bigger hell when the pheromone struck him. It was, she realized, the least that she could do as a friend.

Naruto smiled weakly at her, his spirits already uplifted by her reassurance. But even though he was grateful, that wasn't the real issue at the moment. "Well, the thing is...Jiji thinks that with the fox...inside me...he says that there's a real good chance that the pheromone will end up not affecting me at all. Ever."

For the second time in as many minutes Ayame felt her rampaging hormones snuffed out. She blinked a few times, considering what Naruto was telling her. "Oh," she said, turning away slightly. "I see."

Naruto opened his mouth, wanting to make sure she didn't misunderstand him, when she turned back with a painfully forced smile on her face. "Well, if it turns out that he's wrong, I'll still be here, okay?"

Naruto gaped at her, feeling oddly humbled. To try to make him feel happy and protected even at the cost of her own suffering; only Iruka and the Hokage had ever reached that level of devotion in Naruto's life. Now Ayame made three.

And damned if he was going to watch someone that important suffer right in front of him!

Ayame let out a gasp of surprise. She didn't notice Naruto standing up and leaning over the counter, so suddenly feeling him place his hands firmly on the sides of her face had caught her completely off guard.

"Nar-!"

Then he was kissing her. It wasn't a deep kiss, there was no tongue involved, and all-in-all it was pretty chaste compared to some of the kisses she'd received in the past. But realizing that this was the first time that Naruto had initiated any sort of romantic activity with her, probably with anyone, and the amount of emotion she could feel him putting into it, she still felt herself grow slightly light-headed and found herself grabbing onto his shoulders in order to keep her balance.

He pulled back a few seconds later, leaving them both red-faced and breathing a little deeper. Ayame slowly brought a finger to her lips. "N-Naruto?"

He grinned in equal parts embarrassment and impishness. "Don't get me wrong, Ayame-chan. Even if I never develop the massive urges like everyone else does, it doesn't mean I'll never want to have sex. The way I've heard people going on and on about it makes it sound like I've already been missing out for a while, ya know? And I know I haven't actually tried it yet or anything so I might not be any good, but I guess...well, I guess what I'm trying to say is: If you ever need someone, I'd be happy to-"

The next three seconds went by too fast for Naruto to notice. For Ayame, they went like this:

One: Leap the counter, hoist Naruto onto shoulders like one would a hostage, dash to the back room door and kick it open.

Two: Deposit Naruto onto her futon, grab sleeping father's futon and drag it into the kitchen, shutting the door between them.

Three: Reopen the door long enough to stuff earplugs into father's ears and hang a Do Not Disturb sign on the door.

Naruto, dazed and confused, sat up just in time for Ayame to pounce on top of him, her actions being matched perfectly by the hungry, feral grin she was giving him.

Finding his bearings, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Why the heck are you not a kunoichi?"

She answered with a coy wink before putting an end to further conversation in favor of some heated tongue dueling. Tonight, she was going to show Uzumaki Naruto exactly what he'd been missing out on.

She'd probably have to show him more than once, of course. Just to be sure he wouldn't forget.


	6. Chapter 5

Alright, here we are! The first chapter written by me with always the help and guidance of Legendary Legacy! Chapter 5 of Sexplosion! Hope my own writing holds at the comparison. Enjoy!

**Sexplosion**

**Chapter 5**

Morning.

He needed to get up. The sun had already risen, it was his first official day as a genin, and he would have to be at the academy to find out who his newly appointed teammates would be in less than an hour. The smell of breakfast wafted through the air even with the door to the room closed, causing his stomach to rumble. And if he continued to lie there for too much longer, _She _would undoubtedly show up.

He really needed to get up.

But he couldn't.

Because it was morning. And he was currently experiencing a problem that a lot of guys face when first waking up in the morning.

And he absolutely refused to move an inch until it went away.

So there he stayed, curled up on his side, eyes closed, and trying desperately to focus his mind on absolutely nothing; something he was damned good at after so much practice. And if he could just keep it that way for about ten minutes he'd be in the clear.

For about an hour.

It was a right pain in the ass doing these meditative exercises eight to ten times every day. And it didn't help that everyone around who saw him in the middle of it labeled it simply as 'brooding'. Though, to be fair, half the time they said that he would indeed be brooding, but that wasn't the point... It was still a much easier way of escaping his problems than...resorting to the obvious alternatives.

As he lay, unmoving and unthinking, he was finding his concentration faltering a lot more than it normally would, which was odd because the sexual tension didn't feel any stronger than it normally did.

But...

There was this _**noise**_.

This annoying, high-pitched noise on the very edge of his subconscious, that just wouldn't go away no matter how hard he tried to focus on the nothingness. He was so tempted to open his eyes and find out where the noise was coming from, but he could feel the last traces of sexual urges still raging within his body, and if he stopped now he'd have to start all over again in just a few minutes. But rest assured, the producer of that noise was going to find itself broken or dead if it didn't stop real damn soon!

A few seconds later, the noise did cease, but only to be replaced by a loud pounding noise, instead. Not quite as annoying, but still very distracting for one seeking a clear mind and inner peace. But if there was anything you could say about him, it was his dedication to a goal, and he trudged on a few moments longer until that last stubborn tendril of lust completely dissipated.

With a groan, Uchiha Sasuke opened his eyes, sat up, and stretched, fighting through his body's weariness.

And as he did, his bedroom door slammed open, and in dashed a little blue and black blur, which proceeded to latch on tightly to his outstretched arm.

Sasuke's body froze. _Shit!_ He turned his head, leveling a demonic glare at the offending creature, who smiled back as cheerfully as an eight-year old girl possibly could.

"Get up, lazy oniichan!" the girl chirped, turning her body away from him without releasing his arm.

"Don't you dare-!"

"HII-YAA!" With a battle cry and a strength that belied her small size, the girl hurled Sasuke off the bed, over her head, and out the bedroom door.

Down the hall, another girl, older than the first and dressed in a thick, oversized grey shirt and matching pants, exited the bathroom, toweling down her boyishly short hair. As she made her way toward the stairs, she took an instinctive step to the side, just in time to see Sasuke go sailing ass over teakettle past her. She watched stoically as he flew down the stairs, finally touching down with a sharp crash at the base of them. He continued tumbling and skidding out of her vision before a second crash signaled his abrupt stop courtesy of the far-end kitchen wall.

Hearing the small pattering of feet behind her, she turned to see the younger girl, clad in a bright, headache-inducing neon blue spandex suit. The little girl's arms flapped up and down rapidly while her two, knee-length pigtails bounced about in time with her steps.

"Good morning, imouto-chan," the older girl offered in a flat, monotonous tone.

The girl screeched to a halt in front of her, waving and hopping in place. "Morning, Ileyana-neechan!" she greeted in a way that the older girl found far too cheerful so early in the morning and far too loudly for their close proximity.

"Indoor voices, Kohana."

"Right!" she said, lowering her voice by about a tenth of a decibel. "Hey, hey neechan! Did you see? Where did he hit? Did he make it to the stairs?"

Ileyana pinched the bridge of her nose. "...Passed the stairs."

"YAY! New record!" Kohana cheered, then twirled around three times, pumped her fist in the air and sprinted down the stairs; arms still flapping, hair still bouncing.

Ileyana watched her sister run off before tossing her towel over the nearest doorknob and followed after her at a much more subdued pace.

Down in the kitchen, Sasuke found himself staring up at the ceiling, his back curved up the edge of the wall and his legs splayed out above him. He let out a weak groan and attempted to disentangle himself.

"Good morning, oniisan," a new female voice greeted a few feet away. "You're just in time for breakfast."

Sasuke growled, ready to fire off a nasty retort for the girl's nonchalance over the treatment he'd just received, when his earlier tormentor burst into the kitchen, leapt over the table and landed next to the latest speaker, a girl who looked in the same age group as Sasuke or Ileyana, wearing a black, Uchiha-crested yukata with a long red ribbon tied through her hair.

"Mission completed, Shina-taichou!" Kohana said with a salute.

The older girl smiled and gave her a pat on the head. "Good work, Number Two. I see that excessive force was again necessary this time?"

"Yep yep! Kohana-chan got to practice her brand new Arappoi Kakusei no Jutsu*! It's super-effective against Sleepy-Heads!"

_(*Roughly translated: 'Rude Awakening no Jutsu')_

The two continued to chat as Sasuke finally managed to slide himself down until his body was even with the floor. As he tried to sit up, a pair of bare legs appeared beside him.

"Ko-chan got you good this morning, ne Sasuke?"

Sasuke growled louder before his eyes involuntarily drifted up the legs to face the speaker, but stopped halfway. "That had better not be a thong, Sorano!"

Sorano blinked at the unexpected statement, then grinned, not even bothering to shift herself away from Sasuke's view. "Sure is! I just bought it yesterday! How's it look? I think the color really accentuates my natural skin-tone!"

"Take it off this instant!" he demanded, causing her to recoil and tug down at the end of her skirt.

"Sasuke! Looking is one thing, but I am your sister, you know?"

Sasuke's froze, realizing what he'd just suggested. "Wait, that's-!"

"Honestly, oniisan," Shina interrupted, sounding deeply disappointed. "I'd have expected better than that from you of all people."

"I didn't mean-!"

"Niichan's bein' pervy! Niichan's bein' pervy!" Kohana sing-songed merrily.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, DAMNIT!" Sasuke bellowed, pointing angrily toward Sorano. "Go to your room and put on something more appropriate!"

Sorano went from scandalized to annoyed in an instant, puffing her cheeks out and crossing her arms over her chest. "Come off it, Sasuke, what exactly could I wear that you would consider appropriate? Boxer shorts? Heck, if you had things your way all four of us would be wearing chastity belts and cast-iron corsets."

"You can't wear a thong with a skirt to school," Sasuke stated firmly. "I hear enough talk going around already about all the unnecessary jumping and flipping you do during your physical training classes."

Sorano let out an indignant huff. "For your information, I only do that during sparring classes, and it's not my fault that all the boys just happen to completely drop their guards whenever they get a quick peek up a girl's skirt. What kind of kunoichi wouldn't exploit such an obvious weakness?

"Besides, thongs are more comfortable to train in than regular panties. I don't have to worry about them riding up halfway through since they're already there to begin with. And I get a much easier movement range with my legs when I wear skirts."

Sasuke grit his teeth. "And you're telling me your performance would slip dramatically just from putting on pants?"

"Pants are for boys."

Kohana moved over to tug on Sorano's shirt. "But neechan, Ileyana always wears pants."

The mentioned girl chose that moment to enter the kitchen behind them.

Sorano looked down at her little sister and shrugged. "My statement remains valid."

Only Sasuke was in position to see the tiny flinch pass over Ileyana's otherwise blank face as she flicked something from her wrist toward Sorano.

Though she felt nothing, the moment an eerie hissing noise made its way to her ears, she knew she was in danger.

"Get it off!" she shrieked, twisting her arms behind her in a vain attempt to grab the small slip of paper that was stuck to her shirt, right between the shoulder blades. Kohana came to her rescue, pulling the tag off and tossing it out of the kitchen half a second before it burst into a relatively small explosion.

"Ileyana!" Shina yelled, in the process of carrying pots and plates of food to the table. "I've told you a hundred times before: No explosive tags in the house!"

"That's all you're mad about?" Sorano demanded, alternating death glares between the two of them. "What about me?"

"I was getting to you," Shina told her. "Stop antagonizing your sister like that and these squabbles wouldn't happen."

"That's not what I meant! The psycho tried to kill me! Again!"

"Don't get so worked up," Ileyana muttered, sitting herself at the table. "It was only a quarter-tag explosive. Worst case scenario you'd lose that skanky outfit and maybe get a few first-degree burns. Nothing life threatening."

"Well thanks for restraining yourself, you mannish frost-bitch!"

"That's what loving sisters do, you decadent whore."

Sasuke felt the urge to bash his head against the wall, but he already had a headache as it was. But what he wouldn't give for just one normal morning that didn't involving being flung from one end of the house to the other and listening to the bickering and death-threats of his younger siblings.

Fortunately, the biting insults that they just traded usually signaled the end of the morning fights, and sure enough, Sorano was already seating herself for breakfast, as far away from Ileyana as possible. Wearily, he took a seat beside Ileyana, Kohana instantly plopping down on his other side while Shina began passing food around. While it happened, Sasuke took a moment to silently reassess the remains of the family that sat around him.

First, there were the triplets: Shina, Sorano, and Ileyana. They had been some of the first children to be born into the village during the early stages of the infamous baby boom following the Kyubi attack, and were in fact born exactly nine months to the day of said attack.

And identical though they were by birth, anyone who didn't already know them would be hard pressed to tell at this stage, either through appearance or personality.

For starters, Shina, the eldest by five minutes, was both highly reasonable and responsible for one her age. She was the one to take up the brunt of the housework with only an occasional complaint if someone wasn't pulling their own weight like they should be. She could be highly strict at times, often acting as peacekeeper whenever fights broke out, mainly between Sorano and Ileyana, but was generally a very carefree girl, and an easy one to get along with. She reminded Sasuke of mom, which he found a bit irritating considering she was a year younger than he. Even her rather conservative appearance reminded him of his mother, as did another personality quirk that never failed to make him roll his eyes when he was around to witness it...

Sorano, the middle girl of the set, was the one that Sasuke didn't like too well. Oh, he cared for her just as much as the others, of course, but he just couldn't help but notice how she seemed to go out of her way to annoy him and undermine his authority as Elder Brother far more than any of the other girls did. For one, she had incredibly girly tastes, never wearing anything that wasn't brightly colored or covered with flowers or hearts or kitties.

Ugh.

And of course she would only wear dresses and skirts, no matter the occasion (or how many times he told her not to). Her hair was always tied back in some overly fancy braid with more of those cutesy, girly hair clips holding it in place, and it certainly wasn't above her to point out to everyone else in the house just how unfashionable they were.

But the thing that bothered Sasuke the most about her was the fact that she had awakened her Sharingan a little over two months ago. Awakened it before he had! And to make it even worse, she wouldn't, or rather, couldn't tell him how she had done it, because it had apparently happened while she was asleep.

'I just woke up this morning and when I looked in the mirror, there they were,' she had said with a shrug.

God forbid that he could ever be so lucky.

The youngest triplet, Ileyana, was a polar opposite of Sorano, which was what led to so many of their frequent squabbles. Where Sorano loved girly crap and put extra effort into making herself more feminine, Ileyana was quite often mistaken for a boy by passing strangers. With hair even shorter than his own, and clothes that were so formless and loose that only a Hyuga would be able to tell what her body actually looked like (though, if they were smart, they'd not ever attempt it), and a wrapped chest for good measure, she could have easily passed as a brother to the rest of them. And thanks to a rather icy demeanor, combined with an intimidating aura that she constantly projected, both men and women tended to keep their distance while in her presence, which suited Sasuke perfectly. Just one less sister that he needed to worry about.

And finally, there was the baby of the Uchiha clan, Kohana, who was living proof that any gene pool was capable of dealing a wildcard now and then.

Kohana was a happy little girl, but that didn't quite say it. Kohana was happy in the same way that the Rain Country was wet. She was happy like an Akamichi was hungry. She was happy A LOT. ALL THE TIME. And she certainly wasn't shy about sharing that happiness with everyone else that she met. Shina had once mentioned that Kohana could give new hope to a man with a noose around his neck and one foot off the chair. No one thought for a second that she might be kidding.

Personally, Sasuke hoped it was just one of two phases that she'd grow out of soon.

The other phase was her habit of picking up random throws and grappling holds from various sources, usually some violent TV show or comic book, and then 'practicing' them on him at any given moment, though first thing in the morning was currently at the top of her list. None of them were ever really orthodox taijutsu in nature, but then she'd never showed any interest in becoming a real kunoichi anyway.

Sasuke briefly wondered just how old his youngest sister would have to be before he'd be able to throw her back without feeling guilty about it. He had a lot of paybacks saved up already. ...Probably never. Damn conscience.

"So oniisan," Shina began once everyone was eating. "Who do you suppose you will be teaming with from now on?"

Sasuke paused for a moment, having not given any thought to the subject at all. He really had no idea who Iruka would think to stick him with, but the safest answer would probably be-

"Two losers."

Shina rolled her eyes. "Well, you are the top of your class. Maybe you should have downplayed yourself a little? You know: trick them into pairing you up with someone who wasn't at the bottom?"

He grunted through his food. "Wouldn't have made a difference even if that wasn't something I'd never consider doing. Hopeless, annoying girls or moronic, annoying guys. The only graduate who might not fall into either of those categories is that Aburame boy, and I only say that because he's never annoyed me personally."

"More please!" Kohana requested, holding her empty plate and bowl out.

"It's too bad you couldn't have waited a few months and graduated with us," Sorano commented, absently refilling Kohana's dishes. "Maybe they would have stuck us together as an Uchiha Team."

He suppressed a shudder. Just imagining having to share a team with Sorano and Ileyana, who couldn't go for half a day without starting something between each other was...well, something he was glad that he didn't have to imagine.

"Well, what about your sensei?" Shina continued. "Any idea there?"

"Don't care. Just so long as he doesn't hold me down."

"Unless it's a sexy brunette with double-D's, right Sasuke?" Sorano teased. "Wouldn't you want someone like that to hold you down?"

Sasuke suppressed a weak shudder while Ileyana glared coldly across the table at her, which she ignored.

"More please!"

"Kohana, you'll make yourself sick eating that fast right before training," Shina chided.

Sasuke's chopsticks snapped between his fingers. "Training?" he repeated, glaring in Kohana's direction, noticing for apparently the first time the shocking blue spandex she had on.

"Mm-hm!" she answered, oblivious to the evil-eye she was receiving. "Gonna go play with Gai-yaji and Lee-niichan again! Yosh!"

"What have I told you about associating with those two?" he demanded.

"...Not to?"

"Exactly. So, pray tell, why are you doing it in spite of that?"

"Shina-neechan said I could."

Sasuke redirected his glare to Shina, who smiled right back. Sensing the brewing of another old argument between the two, Sorano and Ileyana both pushed their plates away and set out for the academy, not bothering with goodbyes as they would be largely ignored at this point anyway.

Sasuke held the stare-down for a few more seconds before turning back to Kohana. "And have you forgotten that, as the oldest among us, you should be listening to me when I tell you things and not your sisters?"

Kohana shrugged. "Well, no...but whenever you guys argue about what I can and can't do Shina-neechan usually lets me do the stuff I want, so I like listening to her better."

Once again he returned his glare toward his eldest sister. "You see what happens when you spoil her all the time?"

Shina shook her head and began gathering up the dishes. "You're overreacting again, oniisan. Maito-san and Lee-san are both perfectly wonderful gentlemen. If you'd just take the time to get to know them a little better-"

"I already know all I need to know about _them_," he grumbled, falling into familiar brooding territory. "Two grown men in spandex, hugging each other in public, shouting about bursting on the flowers of youth or some shit... Probably lolicons."

"Sasuke, now you're just being ridiculous."

"Am I? I'm not the one sending our eight-years-old sister out to spend time alone in a forest with two pedophiles!"

"What's a pedophile?" Kohana inquired.

Sasuke facepalmed.

"Now see what you've done?" Shina berated him. "And I don't want to hear anymore of that. I've spent time with them as well and I know for a fact that they are polite, funny and very friendly people."

"I'll bet they told you they had some candy back at their house for you too, didn't they?"

Shina shook her head, sighing in exasperation. Why her brother had to be so damn stubborn over the silliest of things... "If it will put your mind at ease, Neji-san and Tenten-san will both be there as well."

"Oh goody. A guy who can see through clothes and Konoha's youngest up-and-coming shibari expert are going to be there to protect the innocence of my sister from the sex-fiends. Why didn't you say so before?"

"What's shibari?"

"Go grab your equipment, Kohana," Shina instructed in an attempt to distract the girl from any further questions. "I'll walk you over to the training grounds in a few minutes."

"'Kay!"

When the sound of Kohana's footsteps faded up the stairway, Sasuke went to speak, but was cut off.

"Sasuke, I understand what you're trying to do, but please believe me when I tell you that you're going overboard. It's okay to trust other people outside of the four of us," she insisted. "They're not all nearly as bad as you make them out to be, you know?"

Sasuke glared at the tabletop in silence for several seconds before standing up and walking toward the front door. "You wouldn't feel that way if you had seen the things that I've seen."

She watched him go, her former good mood now ruined. She sighed as she placed the used dishes in the sink. Maybe she'd stick around for a while when she went to drop off Kohana. Lee and Gai always were good at cheering her up with their silly poetic speeches and cheers and poses. Oh and their eyebrows. Those big, adorable eyebrows that made her think of cute, fuzzy caterpillars. She wondered if either of them could wiggle their eyebrows. That would be SO CUTE! Like caterpillars trying to crawl across their forehead-

"Neechan! I'm ready!"

"Ah! Er, right, right! Let's...be on our way then."

-Breakline-

Morning.

She needed to get up. Today was her big day; having finally proven to her family, herself, and anyone else that might have doubted her that she was worthy of being a kunoichi. Now she could go on to prove her worth to Sasuke (and the rest of them) and when he finally acknowledged her, he'd…he'd…

Well, the fantasies could wait.

For now, she really needed to get up.

But she couldn't.

Because every time she tried to move her body, her head felt like it was going to split apart. And if past experience was anything to judge by, she felt that she'd be better off simply going back to sleep.

Haruno Sakura's eyes cracked open, snapping shut a nanosecond later as the blinding rays of god-awful sunlight pouring through the window attempted to burn directly through her retinas and incinerate her brain. The unearthly bellow of pain, which was really a near inaudible moan, she released didn't help matters one bit.

_Damnit, not this again._

It would be something surprising to learn that a fourteen year old girl like Sakura, a girl who constantly ranked highest in academy exams and other written assignments, who had memorized the Book of Shinobi Laws forward and backward, and was honestly what a lot of students would refer to as a teacher's pet, would often wake up with hangovers. An even bigger surprise would come from learning that these hangovers never had anything to do with alcohol.

And though she found it a bit odd to refer to her condition as getting 'drunk' when she'd never touched so much as a drop of alcohol in her life, that was really the best way she could think of describing the process of it. She would lose her senses, black out from time to time, develop a wicked migraine the next morning, and worst of all: would usually wake up to find herself in someone else's bed with very little recollection of how she got there or the details of what she had done with them.

That all seemed like a fairly typical drunken process to her, at least.

Loath as she was to do it, Sakura weakly began to move around, hoping that her clothes (which she already knew she wasn't wearing) weren't scattered too far away. There was a good chance that she would feel the need to grab them and run once she was aware enough to figure out who she was laying next to.

With her eyes still shut tight, she began fumbling around with her arm, having it come to rest not on her clothing, but what her blurry mind recognized as the curve of someone's bare shoulder-blade. She cringed, her fears now confirmed; but who was it? She was too afraid to look and find out, the shock might traumatize her.

More information was necessary before trusting her eyes, so she allowed her hand to roam a little.

To start with, the person's skin was incredibly soft, to the point that it might have been more so than her own. That was different from the last few times, but not unwelcome. The person was facing away from her, and she couldn't stretch far enough without moving the rest of her body to feel the chest, so instead worked her way down from the back to the hip, finding it all rather trim and quite toned. That was reassuring; it meant it wasn't Akamichi Choji again.

Emboldened by what she was feeling, she allowed her hand to graze her bedmate's rear-end.

"Mmm, Sasuke-kun."

Sakura's fuzzy brain snapped to attention. ...Sort of.

Sasuke-kun? It couldn't be...!

She was in bed with Sasuke-kun?

And she couldn't remember any of it! Had he been good? Well, of course he had, he's Sasuke-kun. But had she been good? The people that she woke up next to in the past usually had positive things to say about her performance, but what had the performance been like?

How was she supposed to gloat about this to the rest of the girls at the academy if she couldn't remember the details!

...Actually, who cared about that at the moment? For right now, she was here with him, and it was time to make the most of it before he got up.

This was quality spooning time!

It was nearly thirty seconds after she had pressed herself as tightly as possible against the body next to her, using an arm and leg to hold it against her even tighter, when her disheveled mind made two unwelcome realizations.

One: She definitely hadn't been the one to speak Sasuke-kun's name a minute ago, and if she were sleeping with Sasuke, she was pretty certain that he wouldn't be mumbling his own name. If anything, he'd be mumbling her's.

And two: Sasuke-kun should definitely not have breasts.

These revelations were enough to finally force Sakura to open her eyes, pain be damned. And she happened to do so at the exact moment that the other decided to twist around until they were face to face.

They opened their eyes at the same time, blinked three times in unison, then inhaled deeply.

-Breakline-

Yamanaka Inoichi nearly upended his cup of coffee as twin screams ripped through the house.

"Good Lord," he muttered once the noise died down. "Didn't those two get enough last night?"

"Well, they are still young, after all," Yamanaka Michiru stated as she calmly took her seat beside him. She sipped at her tea before continuing. "I seem to recall someone keeping me awake all through the night not so long ago as well."

Inoichi puffed his chest out. "I was quite the stud, wasn't I?" But his good mood didn't last long. "What's become of our little Ino; Barely a month under the influence of the pheromone and already she's tired of men and bringing girls home instead? How am I supposed to feel good about intimidating her lovers if they're girls? That seems so cowardly, doesn't it? I'd feel like such a bully."

_Perhaps that's why she switched to girls. _"Calm down, dear," Michiru said, giving him a small pat on the shoulder. "Ino's just experimenting a little, I'm sure. Testing the waters a bit like we've all done at one point or another."

Inoichi crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. "I've never tested any waters like..." His eyebrow suddenly quirked. "You mean...you've...tested the waters before?"

Michiru rolled her eyes. "Well don't sound so surprised. Taking a couple practice swings for the other team isn't exactly unheard of in this village, you know?"

"Really?" he said, a lecherous grin appearing on his face. "And who exactly were you...swinging with?"

She put a finger to her chin. "Well let's see...there was that one time about ten years ago with Mikoto-"

"Wait, wait!" he cut her off with a raised hand. "Mikoto? Uchiha Mikoto?"

"That's right."

He shivered. "Never mind. I think I'm better off not hearing this."

Michiru frowned, but shrugged. "Suit yourself. The point is, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about in regards to our daughter's attraction to boys."

"If you say so, dear. Maybe the plan of uniting the three families isn't lost after all."

"Trust me, Inoichi, I think it's still less likely than you would care to think."

"Nonsense! It's foolproof: First we just have to get Ino interested in Shikaku's boy, then get Inoji interested in Choza's girl, and then once we have the third set of kids Shika gets his girl interested in Cho's boy. Then we're all one big glorious family. How could that go wrong?"

"...I can't imagine, dear."

"Where is Inoji, by the way? I haven't seen him yet this morning."

"He spent the night at the Haruno's with Nori. I think the girls must have been making too much noise for him."

Inoichi hummed softly. "Well he'll be okay then, but shouldn't we go tell Ino and her friend that they'll be late?"

"Just give them a few more minutes to get themselves organized."

-Breakline-

"Oww," Sakura groaned. Ino made a similar noise of discomfort. The two had separated so quickly that they'd both fallen off the edges of the bed, and were now slowly making their way back to their feet.

Sakura's formerly blurry mind was now racing in full clarity. Ino? She had slept with INO! How had THAT happened? Even if she had allowed herself to go through with it, she couldn't believe that Ino would have as well.

"Geez, Forehead," the aforementioned blonde grumbled as she staggered to her feet. "I could have done with a wake-up call that didn't involve seeing your colossal cranium half an inch from my face first thing."

Sakura didn't bother with a scathing retort of her own, putting her energy into remembering the night before. Ino took the time to stalk around the room, grabbing a new outfit from her closet and kicking Sakura's scattered garments toward her. She looked pissed, Sakura noted, and that made her nervous. She'd been told before that she could become rather aggressive when situations like this occurred, but surely she hadn't...forced herself on Ino, right?

"I still can't believe you actually went through with that," Ino stated while slipping into her purple shorts. "I thought for sure you were just trying to screw with my head and then back out at the last second."

"What do you mean?"

Ino whirled on her. "What, did you forget what we were arguing about last night?"

Sakura sat back on the bed, brow furrowing in concentration. "Give me a minute, my head's still a bit fuzzy." She thought back on what all she could remember from the day before. "Let's see...after we graduated you, me and a bunch of the other kids from class went out and celebrated for a while. ...Then when it started getting dark the two of us walked back to your place. We...got into another argument over who was more deserving of being Sasuke-kun's first."

"You're getting there," Ino urged, pulling her shirt over her head.

"Umm...then you said that it should be whoever the better lover was. I asked how we were supposed to decide something like that. Then..." Her eyes widened. "Then you were kissing me! And after that..."

_After that was when I gave in to..._

"And after that you picked me up, all but threw me on the bed, and then...well I shouldn't have to tell you what we did after that."

"Er, actually-"

"And just so we're clear," she interrupted after tying her hair back into its normal ponytail. "It wasn't me who started kissing you."

Sakura jumped to her feet. "Hey, I may not remember everything else yet, but I definitely remember you- hey, where are you going?"

Ino stopped at the doorway. "I'm going to find my brother, and kill him. If you'd like to help, then hurry up and get dressed."

-Breakline-

A few blocks away, two young boys, both looking to be in the area of twelve or thirteen years of age, walked in silence. The first, a long-haired blonde wearing a burnt-yellow vest over black shirt with matching pants, was staring up at the sky, a small smirk of contentment on his face while his fingers idly combed through his hair. Beside him, the other boy was frowning weakly at the ground with his hands buried in the pockets of his white jacket.

"Nice weather for so late in the year, huh?" the blonde casually asked his companion, who didn't respond, just kept trudging on as though he hadn't heard anything.

Undaunted, the blonde continued. "I wonder if I could convince Eiko-sensei to let the class keep practicing outside until the weather turns bad. Would sure beat having to take more tests over the Second Shinobi War. I should have brought her a rose from the shop."

Still no reply, other than a weak snort.

"Eh, you're right. I can probably work my magic just as well without the rose. She likes me well enough, anyway."

The other boy rolled his eyes, but still refused to speak.

The blonde smirked and ran his hand through his hair once more as he swerved around, walking backward directly in front of the silent boy. He knew how to get a reaction from him.

"So you're still mad at me, huh Pinky?"

"Don't call me that!" the boy shouted, throwing a punch at the blonde, who dodged nimbly.

"Just call 'em like I see 'em, Nori-chan."

"And don't call me that either," he grumbled, instinctively reaching up to tug on the black silk scarf tied over his head, beneath which a few strands of bright pink hair could be seen. "You know how I feel about my hair, Inoji."

Inoji laughed at his friend's discomfort. "I think everyone knows how you feel about your hair, Nori. Why don't you just dye it? Or shave your head or something?"

"Like I haven't tried that," he said sourly. "I had the open bottle of dye in my hand when mom burst into the room, noticed it, and then sent me on a three hour guilt-trip about being ashamed of her family's heritage." He gave the loose strands a tug, glaring at the few that came off in his hands before letting them drift away on the breeze. "Family curse is more like it."

"Well, she has a point," Inoji told him. "Everyone should appreciate the qualities that they inherit from their parents. Like me, for instance: I got my dashing good looks from my pop, and my ability to charm the daylights out of the opposite sex from my mom, and I never take those things for granted." He placed his hand on his chin, appraising Nori up and down. "You, on the other hand, need to find a way of putting to use your mom's girly pink hair and your dad's, er...uh, your dad's... Does your dad pout a lot, maybe?"

"Shut up," Nori sulked, attempting to brush past the blonde and end the conversation.

Inoji chuckled and fell back into step with the other boy. "But seriously, you're not still upset about what happened last night, are you?"

"Upset?" Nori parroted. "About what? All you did was take possession of your sister's body and then start making out with MY sister. Why on earth would that upset me?"

Inoji shrugged. "That's what I'm trying to figure out. Are you telling me that watching two hot girls make out isn't something very awesome?"

"No...But when one of the girls is my older sister and the other girl is, for all intents and purposes, you, it does a lot to negate the 'hotness' factor. ...And that isn't even the point, damnit! What made you think that doing something like that would be a good idea?"

Inoji just shrugged again. "Hey, in my defense, the scenario played out a lot differently in my mind. The way those two were yelling at each other at the time, I thought the moment Sis kicked me out of her mind the two of them would start slugging each other until it became apparent that the situation was all a big joke on my part. And before you say anything, she kicked me out after about three seconds, so everything that happened after that was totally not my fault. Hell, you should have told me beforehand that your sister was a lesbian!"

"Sakura is not a lesbian!"

Inoji lazily draped an arm over Nori's shoulder. "Buddy, before you dragged me out of the house last night, I saw your sister do three different things that told me conclusively that she likes girls. Wanna know what they were?"

"I will stab you."

The blonde removed his arm, holding his hands up in a placating manner. "All I'm saying is: A girl can't willingly put her mouth on that part of another girl's body and then claim to be completely straight, that's all."

Nori rapped his knuckles against his forehead, hoping that the pain would distract him from the mental images that were now flooding his brain. "Look," he growled. "It's more complicated than that. The whole pheromone thing has a weird effect on Sakura and it makes her act kinda crazy from time to time."

"...You mean by making her desperately want to have sex with people, kinda like what it does to every adult in this village?"

"No! It's not just...just... Just forget it," he finished with a sigh.

Inoji shrugged and the two lapsed back into silence for a couple more blocks.

"They're going to kill you for this, you know?" Nori finally mentioned.

"Hm?" Inoji hummed, having been staring at a young woman wearing a short dress, who was on top of a ladder trying to hang a sign above the shop door that they'd just passed.

Nori elaborated. "You used one of your family's Mind Jutsus on your sister, so obviously she knows that it was you who did it. Once they're up and aware of what happened they're going to hunt you down and pick your bones clean."

"Ah, that. Not to worry, Nori-chan," he stated, idly dodging another wild swing from the shorter boy. "I already have that all taken care of."

Off in the distance, a murderous cry was heard.

"IIII-NOOO-JIIII!"

Nori shuddered. "For your sake, you'd better be right."

"All under control," Inoji said confidently, forming a quick handseal. "By the way, I know this is short notice, but I need to borrow your body for a little bit."

The pink-haired boy looked confused. "What do you mean-"

"-borrow my body? What the Hell!" he finished, finding himself suddenly staring at...himself. Glancing down, he saw not the white jacket and black shorts he'd been wearing, but instead the yellow and black outfit of Inoji's. Reaching up, he felt his hands brush through Inoji's slightly longer blonde hair.

"What did you do!" he demanded.

"You should run." 'Nori' suggested.

"What?"

'Nori' glanced behind him. "Nope, too late."

Still bewildered, 'Inoji' turned around just in time to see the livid face of Yamanaka Ino right before a fist connect with his jaw, crumpling him to the ground.

'Nori' didn't even have to force the cringes to his face as he watched his sister leap onto the fallen 'Inoji' and proceed to thrash him.

Once she was finished, Ino glared down at the twitching boy. "Try something like that again and I won't be so nice about it, got it!"

'Inoji' could only whimper in pain, while 'Nori' tensed up and stepped to the side as Ino stormed past him. He nearly breathed a sigh or relief before he found himself in a crushing headlock.

"O-owowow! Sakura, what the hell?"

Sakura pulled him backward until they could see eye-to-eye. "Tell me, Nori, did you have anything to do with this?" she growled menacingly.

"Ow! Have anything to do with what?"

Sakura glared at him a moment longer before dropping him to the ground. "I'm in a hurry, but don't think I've let you off the hook yet, got it?"

'Nori' nodded frantically and Sakura ran off to catch up to Ino. Once they were out of sight, he stood up and popped his neck. "All things considered, I guess I got off easy."

He smirked and flicked a finger through the loose strands of hair below his scarf. He loved being a Yamanaka; mind tricks were just so badass.

"It's too bad your parents wouldn't let you be a shinobi, Pinky," he commented lightly as he knelt down next to his fallen friend. "You probably could have avoided that if you'd had even the slightest bit of training."

"...hate...you..." 'Inoji' groaned as he struggled to his knees.

'Nori' laughed, hoisting the prone boy up to his feet. "You know, Nori-chan, as long as I don't move too far away from you I can keep this jutsu going all day, and I certainly don't have to stop off and let a medic patch that body up before I go to school, either. Maybe you should be a bit nicer to me, hm?"

'Inoji' was reduced to incoherent grumbles as 'Nori' carried him off. He was in severe pain, his 'best friend' was an asshole, and he was doomed to a life with girly pink hair.

Things couldn't suck too much more.

-Breakline-

"Stupid, annoying, bratty little..."

Sakura walked on, lost in thought as Ino continued with her tirade on her brother. She was feeling really foolish knowing that it had been Inoji who had initiated things between them, and if that had been the case, she wondered how things had ended up going as far as they had. "Hey, Ino?"

Ino stopped raging at hearing Sakura's quiet tone. "What, Forehead?"

Sakura tugged nervously on her shirt, not meeting Ino's eyes. "I guess...what happened with us was all because of a misunderstanding, wasn't it?"

Ino stopped walking and looked at Sakura inquisitively.

When she didn't get a response, Sakura decided to ask. "I didn't... you know...make you do anything that you didn't want to, did I?"

Ino's demeanor turned completely aghast. "You...honestly don't remember any of it, do you?"

Sakura hung her head. "It'll come back to me eventually, but for now, no."

"Not even when you said..." she trailed off.

She looked back up. "Said what?"

Ino deliberated for a few moments, then shook her head. "Nothing, s'not important now."

"But-"

"And don't even kid yourself into thinking that you could force me to do something that I didn't want to, either."

Sakura blinked in shock. "Then...you did want-"

"Stop asking dumb questions, Forehead!" Ino shouted, giving the other girl a shove with just enough force to make her stumble.

"Ino!" she yelled after the departing girl.

"Until you remember what happened there's no reason to worry about it," she called back. "So no more talking about it until you do, got it?"

Sakura scratched her head, unsure exactly of what to make of Ino's mood swings. Then again, she'd always been kind of moody...

But maybe she was right. She did have a lot of other things to think about at the moment. For now, she had to go become a kunoichi and meet her sensei and teammates.

"And by the way," Ino said once Sakura caught back up. "I'll be expecting you to hold up your end of the agreement and stay away from Sasuke-kun from now on."

"Excuse me!"

She smirked. "Well obviously you don't remember, but I completely rocked your world last night, so I won the deal."

"Oh, I'll just bet your did!"

"The orgasms spoke for themselves, Forehead."

"I'll bet I didn't even get off once!"

"Trust me, everything you gave, I gave back three times!"

"You can't prove that!"

"You can't prove otherwise, either!"

"Then it's a stalemate, so Sasuke-kun still isn't yours, Ino-pig!"

"No, but he will be soon enough, Billboard Brow!"

"Get back here!"

And thus, the rivalry resumed.

-Breakline-

Morning.

He needed to get up. The sun had already risen, it was his first official day as a genin, and he would have to be at the academy to find out who his newly appointed teammates would be in less than an hour. The smell of breakfast wafted through the air even with the door to the room closed, causing his stomach to rumble.

He really needed to get up.

But he couldn't.

Because it was morning. And he was currently experiencing a problem that a lot of guys face when first waking up in the morning. At least a lot of guys who lived in Konoha: a sleeping beauty using his right arm as a pillow.

"… Nee-chan…" It felt slightly wrong using that suffix now that they had gotten that close, but it was probably going to stick forever nonetheless, and from what he had deduced from the picture that Kiba carried around, he guessed that a few people didn't see blood relationships as a valid point on the subject of 'not having sex'. Not him, of course, but some people…

The point was, Ayame had showed him just what he had been missing on. While he would never be crazy about it like every other single person in Konoha, it had felt damn good. He didn't know if it was just the act itself of having sex or it was because Ayame was good at what she did, and what she did was really nice, but it felt damn good… Apart when she had slipped one finger a tad too low. That had scared him shitless. She hadn't done it again.

She couldn't blame her for sleeping so soundly. There wasn't a clock in the room, and he doubted he could have paid it much attention, but he was sure they had finished sometime around 1 AM, and they had started at 10 PM, and he knew that Ayame didn't have his same kind of stamina, after three 'desserts' after dinner in a week and three sets of earplugs for Teuchi. He called softly for her again. "Ayame-nee-chan… I need to get up…"

"Hmmm…" She stirred a little and then fluttered her eyes open, before laying a soft kiss on his chest. "Still sleepy… Shut up…"

"No can do. I have to get to the academy. It's my big day." She opened her eyes and pouted a little, and he knew what she meant. "The sun had already gone down. I can't exactly call it my big day…"

"… You're a pest." She got up on her arms, standing on all fours over him and planted a series of pecks on his lips, before grinning mischievously, seeing that Naruto appreciated what the position did to her breasts. "You know, even that first time, you were awfully good, Naruto. Are you sure you didn't practice with yourself?"

"Nee-chan…" Naruto blushed, shuddered and pouted at the same time, for the compliment and for the implications of his Oiroke no Jutsu's possible use. She always managed to do that. Ayame chuckled and planted another kiss on his lips, making him blush again.

"I guess you're just a natural, then. Soon, I don't think I'll be able to keep my hands off you anymore, you know?" Naruto rolled his eyes and then mock-pouted.

"Awww, does that mean that you will be too occupied to make me any more ramen, nee-chan?" Naruto said, and Ayame moved her eyes upward, a mischievous smile and a finger on her lips. The blonde shuddered.

"Well, maybe there's a compromise…"

"No." Naruto said, pushing himself and Ayame in a sitting position, and the girl delighted herself in the panic she saw in the boy's eyes. "Please, do not do that, Ayame-nee-chan. Sex and ramen at the same time… I would die of bliss."

"I guess I will save it for your next birthday, then." She giggled and kissed him again, before getting on her feet, a sheet wrapped around her body. Naruto was about to complain when she suddenly threw his clothes at him. "Come on, we got to take a shower. Together, of course, or we'll never make it on time."

Naruto groaned but then smiled, rolling his eyes. The smile wasn't going to go away for a while, too.

-Breakline-

"Come on! Please, a little peek!"

"You've got enough peeks during the night. It was off, if I remember correctly."

"But I was… Ehm, too occupied…" The man just shrugged his shoulders and adjusted his forehead protector over his left eye, covering it. He had trained to keep it closed without even thinking about it, like breathing, but he preferred keeping it open under the forehead protector.

"Sorry, gotta go. Have to pass by the cemetery and then go to the academy. Have a nice day."

"W-Wait!" He disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving a pouting woman behind in her bedroom.

-Breakline-

"Eh… It happened again." He had appeared right in front of the tombstone, as always. "It's incredible. It seems that even if someone lays his eyes on my face, the memory lasts less than 24 hours. Mah…" Kakashi scratched the back of his head, talking to the tombstone. "So… How are you doing?"

Of course, he was talking to his defunct best friend, and of course he got no reply. No vocal one, at least. He rolled his eyes.

"Oh, come on. How was I supposed to know that Konoha would become 'heaven on earth', like you said? And I don't think that even knowing it would have changed much, you know…" More silence. "Now, that's just…" Silence. "Now you're being unreasonable." Kakashi frowned at the tombstone. "Fine! Be like that! See if I care…" Silence. "… I know you were just joking." Silence. Kakashi rolled his eyes. "Again? But I will be late as usual… Today they're going to give me my team, so…" Silence. He sighed. "Alright, alright. Well, first thing, she was a redhead. I know you loved redheads. I picked her up…" No wonder one-night-stand Kakashi of the Sharingan was always late for appointments. Obito is a sucker for details.

-Breakline-

"Aaah, good morning, my friends. It is a good day, isn't it?" Sarutobi was indeed having a great day, having just finished another session at the Konoha spa right that morning. His body felt refreshed, his spirit was soaring high, and his smile was warm and kind.

"... Ning..." Though, it seemed that the Jounin gathered in the room didn't share his enthusiasm, as he noticed. Most were looking at the ground, most seemed deadly tired, and some were shuddering, if his old eyes weren't failing him.

"... Alright. I don't think I need to tell you why we're here this morning, do I? Today, we will assign the genin teams for the tests. I already have a general idea of who will get which trio, but I am open to suggestions." The fire shadow suddenly narrowed his eyes. He had noticed that Kakashi was late as usual, but that wasn't the reason. "As long as it's not things like 'a fourteen years old shouldn't have that kind of ass legally'. Seriously, I'm still creeped out from last year, Aoba."

"Oh, like you haven't seen things like that before." The scarred Jounin commented, muttering something else under his breath.

"I know that it's common place! I placed the law! But most people don't speak of their teenagers-scoring efforts in public!" The Sandaime sighed and calmed himself down. It wasn't like he wasn't aware that some Jounin teachers had a very personal relationship with their students, for obvious motives, but he preferred to not be reminded. As much as he loathed it, his mindset wasn't completely suitable for his village's current state. "So, anyone wants any particular genins for their tests?"

"Hiiiiiiiiiiii, everyone!" The door slammed and most of the Jounin in the room shrieked and hid somewhere in the darkness. Why they were holding that meeting in a dark room, the Hokage couldn't place it. With a wave of his hand, he told the nearest one to the window to raise the shutters, which only prompted the Jounin to shriek even more as they lost their cover and the light revealed a grinning purple haired woman. "It's been a while, old man! How's your arthritis?"

"... Better." No, really. It was better ever since Izumi had joined the spa. She really knew her job as a masseuse. "Well, not that it isn't a pleasure to see you, Anko-chan..."

"Speak for yourself..." The Hokage silenced Raido with a glare.

"But I have to ask, what are you doing here? This is only for Jounin teachers, and..." Then, Sarutobi suddenly noticed that there was another person missing, apart Kakashi. He hadn't noticed because of the closed shutters and because she had never been late once in her life. "Wait a minute. Where's Kurenai?"

"Ahhh, you old cook, you! You're pretending you didn't notice signing my transfer!" The Hokage's eyes widened. "And as for Kurenai-chan... Well, she soooo wanted to come, but she made me an early birthday gift and decided to give up her teaching job for this year in my favour!"

Sarutobi face-palmed as he realized just when she could have slipped in a transfer notice without him noticing. On a paperwork day, Sarutobi first read through every single paper so to ascertain he wasn't signing anything he didn't know about. Then, he took a quick bathroom break, since he ate and drank while reading through the whole day, and then signed everything in one swift rapid hour. How could she had made it past the Anbu on guard, that was to see.

Little did he know that they fled at the sight of Anko. The two male Anbu had been one of her earliest preys in virgin hunting and one of the first experimental subjects with the snake arts. When they still weren't as refined. "... She's in your basement, isn't she?"

"Strapped upside-down to a wooden cross." Anko replied, chirping. Sarutobi groaned and motioned to one of the Anbu out of the window to go and free the woman.

"Oh, well... I guess the meeting has to go on. It is the morning of our students' graduation, after all... So..." Sarutobi dreaded to ask, since there was no way Anko hadn't thought of the simple possibility of him denying her 'suggestion' for a certain student to be placed in her care. "Once again, I repeat the question. Anyone has any reason as to explain why a certain student should be tested and hopefully assigned to his care?"

"I have two, actually, old man!" Anko said with a grin, and Sarutobi blinked. That, he really didn't expect. Who was the other poor bastard?

-Breakline-

"Nope. Nope... Yes. Nope. Nope... Yes." Kiba Inuzuka had been noticed for being even more boastful and loud than Naruto sometimes, even if his ninja skills were greater. Putting the two together, he had found himself a game that he played each morning with Akamaru as he waited in class, ever since he came of age. The 'who had sex last night' game.

He had learned a few years before how to detect and recognize a person by its smell, even objects, hell, even water. It was a short trek to learn the smell of afterglow. So, he played with Akamaru on who could guess it right every morning. If they focused, they could even find out who they had had it, but it was more difficult because the smell of sex usually overwhelmed that of the other person.

"Nope. Nope... Yes?" Kiba raised an eyebrow as he smelled sex coming from a guy he had been berating the past week for still being a virgin. He grinned and jumped out of his seat to greet him. "You dog! You did it!"

"... Kiba." Naruto sighed. He was half expecting that, to tell the truth. He didn't even try to move out of the way as the Inuzuka landed on him. He threw him off when he started rubbing his knuckles on his scalp, though. "OW! KNOCK IT OFF!"

"Congratulations! And here I thought you would never score! Oh, wait. It was probably pity sex, right? Took my suggestion?" Kiba dodged the unfocused punch of Naruto easily. "Meh, whatever. Sex is sex... Wait a minute. What are you doing here?" Kiba had just remembered that Naruto had failed spectacularly his graduation ninjutsu exam, and had as such flunked it a third time. "You failed, didn't ya?"

"Well, I obviously passed, instead. Otherwise, I wouldn't have the forehead protector." Naruto grumbled, taking a sit in the row immediately in front of Kiba, who was sitting back in his place.

"How?" Naruto groaned, expecting the question.

"I'm forbidden to talk about it. Sorry..." The Hokage had placed a new rule. No one was allowed to talk of Mizuki's problem or anything concerning it. That included only him and Iruka, for the moment, and since he had been the one who had brought the guy to therapy sessions, even if the traitorous teacher somewhat deserved it, he didn't feel it in himself to argue.

"Hmm... Alright! Returning to you getting laid..." Naruto held the bridge of his nose. What was with males and their need to know and boast about getting laid? Fortunately, salvation came in the form of Akamaru's yappings. "Uh? What was that, Akamaru?"

"I was here first!"

"No, me!" Naruto's face suddenly brightened as he saw his crush appear in the classroom, those pink hair so familiar and warm to him, and now he could see her in a different light too, thanks to Ayame. He kinda understood that now, if he even wanted to relate to Sakura in a way that didn't involve physical harm, he would have to act more mature and...

"WHAT? NO WAY! THOSE TWO?" His adult train of thought got interrupted as Kiba shouted, and then... It was like an earthquake. The whole building shook, he was sure. He wasn't sure if Kiba was still alive after both Ino and Sakura had punched his skull through his desk and into the floor.

The whole class stared aghast as the two girls raised their fists and patted their hands. Naruto was pale as a sheet as he watched the two girls glare at the unconscious form of the Inuzuka among the debris of his seat, Akamaru having jumped out at the last second, now hanging to the blond's head, shaking in fear.

"Watch your mouth when ladies are in the room, mutt." Ino said as she shook her hands as to shake off them some kind of liquid.

"Seriously..." Sakura joined in as she cracked her knuckles, observing the twitching form of Kiba for a few more seconds before reminding herself that she and Ino were having a race. "I'm sitting near Sasuke-kun!"

"No way! And... Uh? He's still not here?" Naruto made a mental to avoid Sakura and Ino for the rest of the day, while he checked Kiba's pulse and Akamaru licked his owner's face clean from blood.

-Breakline-

"So... No one else wants to... Take care of at least one of the two candidates?" No one even dared to move. Whatever Anko had done to each of the people in the room, be it blackmail, threats of death by sex or or just plain death, was working.

When Anko told him the names of the two genin that she wanted, he understood why she would want the other one too. As he had forethought, he simply refused her the right to do so. The only thing he needed was another Jonin willing to take one the two students, only to find the whole room not uttering a word. "I... See..."

"Ohhh, thank you so much, guys! I promise to hold on that end of the deal!" Anko grinned and blew kisses to most of the room, before turning to the Hokage again. "So, I guess that means that..."

"Sorry, I was sidetracked by a dead team-mate demanding more details on my sexual escapades." Anko cursed loudly, recognizing the voice. Wasn't he supposed to be always two hours late to everything? That morning, seemed like he had taken a sabbatical on tardiness.

"Ahhh, Kakashi. Kakashi Kakashi Kakashi." The third was grinning viciously while the cyclopean jounin raised one hand in a gesture of salute. "We were talking about genin teams placements right now."

"Ah, right. I want Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke." Anko had half an idea of attacking Kakashi right there and clawing out the other eye, but she sighed, reminding herself that he was stronger than her. "Respecting the council's wishes, protecting my teacher's legacy, and balancing the team. Cool, right?"

"Cool indeed, Kakashi. Cool indeed." Sarutobi smiled widely at Anko, who was grumbling under her breath. "So sorry, Anko-chan."

"... I bet you are..." She sighed and then slapped her face. She had lost her target yet again, but she knew that it wasn't going to be that easy. She still had the other subject, though. She revived her grin at full force. "Well, I suppose that leaves me only with..." Then she fell face first into the ground, under the surprised stares of everyone around.

"What the...?"

"Genjutsu." The unbelievably cold voice came from the entrance, where the room found in their field of vision the angry, fresh off an used jutsu and fortunately clothed Kurenai. "She had this a long time coming."

"Ehm... Kurenai. Glad you... Set yourself free." The sandaime said, uneasy and wiping a bit of blood, the image of a naked Kurenai strapped upside down to a wooden cross just now surfacing in his mind. The Jounin shook her head.

"I didn't free myself, Hokage-sama. It was an Anbu." The sandaime nodded, content that, for once, his orders had been carried out swiftly and quickly. Little did he know that the Anbu who had freed Kurenai and thwarted Anko's plans had long, purple hair.

"I must say though, I'm curious as to the nature of the genjut..."

"I know a song that neeeeeeeeeeever eeeeeeeeends..."

"Alright. That's just cruel." The Sandaime sighed while he produced out of his vest his famed crystal ball. "While we continue, let's check up on your prospective students, shall we?"

-Breakline-

"For the last time, go. Back. Home." Sasuke grumbled, gritting his teeth as he tried to persuade his two 'escorts' to respect his wishes and leave him alone.

"For the last time, we have matters to take care of at the academy. It's not like we're following you just to embarrass you in front of your other classmates." Sorano said with a grin, while swirling her head around, her braid flying through the hair while Sasuke held the bridge of his nose. He should have seen something like that coming.

He slowly turned to Ileyana, who had completed her get-up with pants with a kunai pouch tied via bandages to her right tight and a blue cloth tied around her forehead, which went perfectly fine with the gray, long sleeved shirt, and was perfectly fine with him, since there was no way anyone could now tell she was a girl. Still, she was following him to the academy as well. "Et tu, Ileyana?"

"We have to turn in the documents to enroll for the next year." Saying that, the short-haired girl produced a bunch of papers from her right sleeve, showing them to Sasuke. "She has that other goal."

"Ngh." With that last grunt of disapproval, Sasuke decided to just shut up and deal with possible consequences as they came up. That's what it always came to, with his sisters. Also, with both Sorano and Ileyana, there was the chance that Sorano's attempts to embarrass him would be stopped by the more glacial of the triplets, and the only embarrassment would be to stop them.

-Breakline-

"Come on, don't worry. I'm sure he will be fine." Akamaru just whined, still not able to shake off the image of Kiba lying in his own blood. He sighed, acknowledging that while he had been on the receiving end of Sakura's punches more times than he liked to admit, he had never seen her exert that much force, and he knew for a fact that Ino was as strong at her. "The nurse said he will recover, didn't he? So let's... Huh."

"Hmm?" One was coming back from the infirmary while the other was heading to class, and they met each other right in front of the door. Naruto's reaction was an immediate frown at the sight of his self-approved rival, as an answer to the Uchiha's own frown, which was for personal reasons, but now the blonde had earned his attention. First, because of the forehead protector. Second, because he was currently 'housing' the Inuzuka's dog. "What are you doing here?"

"I graduated, of course." Naruto replied, a bit angry. He was expecting that question from a lot of people, since Iruka's shout of 'you fail' had been heard through the whole academy, but coming from Sasuke, it sounded condescending to him. "I took a... Repair exam."

"Hmph... And why are you carrying Inuzuka's mutt around?" Said 'mutt' growled in retaliation, while Naruto laughed a bit nervously.

"Ehm... Let's just say that Sakura-chan and Ino are a bit... Over-excited, today." Sasuke let out a small groan, and Sorano took that occasion to snicker.

"Ooooh, I know those two! They're your two most rabid fans, aren't they? Do I feel sorry for you, Sasuke!" That was when Naruto noticed that Sasuke wasn't alone.

"Uh? Who are you? I don't recall seeing you in this year's class." He said.

"None of your business. They're just my siblings." Sasuke's immediately went into overprotective brother mode, living by his code that the only acceptable relationships his sisters could have with Konoha citizens was one of long distance correspondence. Even if he had noticed that Naruto still acted normally, when he wasn't pranking people, he just thought of him as a late bloomer.

"Your siblings...?" Naruto observed the now smiling braided girl and the other figure, of who he could see only face, hair and hands because of her very baggy clothes. "Well, that's a surprise. Didn't know you had sisters. Hope they're not as annoying as you are."

As soon as those words left his mouth, all the siblings turned to him wide eyed. Even Sasuke, who had chose to ignore Naruto and just go ahead in the classroom. He suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable because of the attention. "... What?"

"You said... Sisters." Sorano said, a bit uncertain. Naruto went to instinctively scratch the back of his head, but then remembered that Akamaru was still resting on its top.

"... Yes? Why? Did I get it wrong?" Sorano crossed the distance between the two in a second, then grabbed Naruto's head and pushed it closer to Ileyana, with Naruto not putting up much resistance in the process.

"Where the hell do you see anything remotely feminine about her? How did you guess? Are you psychic or something? I mean, flat chest..."

"Oi."

"Uncared, tomboyish hair..."

"Stop."

"Frigid demeanor, even more than Sasuke, who's poster boy for apathy."

"Hey." This was Sasuke and Ileyana both.

"How in the depths of hell did you manage to... Ahhh! Take it off! Take it off!" Ileyana suddenly and loudly, as opposed to the earlier occasion that morning, stuck a smocking paper-bomb to Sorano's head, who let go of Naruto to put her hands to good use and remove and disable the bomb, while Ileyana just glared at her and Sasuke groaned.

"Seriously, though, dobe. How?" Sasuke asked, the strange burst of insight from the dead last of their graduating class truly surprising him. Suddenly, a possible explanation came to his mind, and he narrowed his eyes and his fingers etched dangerously close to his weapons pouch. "Have you been spying on my sisters, Uzumaki?"

"What? No!" Naruto replied indignantly, just as Sorano finally defused the paper-bomb, sighing in relief. "I mean... Her hands and her eyes! Look! They're clearly feminine! How can anyone mistake her for a boy, I don't know!"

The trio of Uchiha all stared strangely at him for a few seconds, before they all turned as one man to Ileyana, observing her hands like their owner herself was doing. Naruto pinched his nose and then shook his head, Akamaru hanging on for dear life. "Whatever. I'll see you inside, bastard."

With that, he opened the door to the classroom, stepped inside, and closed it behind him. Sasuke turned around and stared at the door for a few seconds, still a bit unnerved that, if he was to believe Naruto's words, he had deduced Ileyana's sex with just a glance, and that just couldn't be. "... Go back home. Both of you."

That said, he mimicked Naruto and entered the classroom, only slamming the door behind him, earning a flinch from Sorano. "Jeez, what's with him? One guy gets your sex right and he's a stalker?" Then she turned to Ileyana, who was still staring and turning around over and over her hands. A wicked smile suddenly came to her lips. "But still, really an interesting guy... An attention for details, indeed."

"... My hands?" Ileyana was still trying to find out what Sorano had already noticed. Her sister's hands were pretty slender and soft-looking, as opposed to most of kunoichi, because handling kunai and shuriken usually left many little scars from misuse. Even she herself had a few, while Ileyana had none. She would never said it out loud, but she envied how Ileyana could handle anything hand-held with ease and quickness and without harming herself. There was a reason why she never noticed when she stuck paper-bombs to her body till she saw the smoke.

-Breakline-

"Confess! You've been spying on my sisters, you stalker!"

"For the last time, I didn't! What kind of sick pervert did you take me for?"

"Hinata, what's with the gloom aura?"

"Alright, class, settle down!" Iruka entered the classroom along with a heavily bandaged Kiba, to find most of it staring at Sasuke and Naruto almost at each other's throat and a strangely sulking Hyuuga. "Take a seat, Kiba. Sasuke, Naruto, sit down."

"... This is far from over."

"Whatever..." Sasuke stormed off and Naruto was about to do the same, only to find that the only free seats were the ones they were already occupying. Grudgingly, they sat near each other, while Kiba limped to a vacant front seat as Akamaru ran back to him, but there was not going to be much piggyback for the day.

"Alright. So, I'll be reading your team formations. As you all probably remember, you will be split into teams of three and be assigned to a Jounin instructor. Team 1..."

"... Seriously, what's up with Sasuke-kun today?" Sakura and Ino had observed in silence the scuffle between the 'rookie of the year' and the 'dead last', and had wisely chose to not get involved, since it looked like one of those times when Sasuke was really pissed off. The pink haired girl glared at the latter of the mentioned graduating ninjas. "Damn that Naruto... Always pissing off Sasuke-kun."

"But stalking his sisters? I mean, Naruto is a goof and an idiot, but I never thought of him as a stalker... Then again, in this village you never know." Ino said pensively, putting a finger to her lips. "And it's not even that bad thought of anymore... Why, I remember my father telling me of a girl who paid..."

"Whatever! He pissed off Sasuke, and so it's automatically a bad thing... Oh, god. What if he has been stalking me as well?" Sakura retorted while Iruka kept on listing off the various teams. "I really hope to get placed on a team with Sasuke-kun, but more than anything I hope to not..."

"Team 7: Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura..." Naruto's head immediately perked up, breaking his rage induced trance while Sakura's forehead impacted the table heavily. "And Uchiha Sasuke." The two quickly exchanged stances, while Sasuke was fought between sighing and glaring at Naruto. "Your sensei is..."

"Hatake Kakashi. Team 7, you're with me." Iruka jumped and almost dropped his papers, at Kakashi's sudden appearance. "Sorry, Iruka."

"K-Kakashi? You're..." Iruka's heartbeat calmed down when he realized just what Kakashi's presence implied. "... You're early?"

"Let's just say that I didn't foretell recent... Developments in team dynamics." Before even the team got formed, he forgot to add. "So, let's go on the roof, kids." Also, the Sandaime had suggested heavy surveillance on Naruto, given recent developments in the now very bold efforts of a certain special jounin in 'bagging the fox'.

-Breakline-

"Nii-san, your team is at the door."

"Thanks, Hotaru." Neji once again found himself in contemplation, holding a kunai with both hands, sitting in the middle of his room, the point vaguely aimed at his eyes, meditating the pros and cons of the gesture. He was at the moment really tempted to go with it, after his father had decided for another lesson in 'voyeur duty', the most classy way to call the newfound, never thought of use of byakugan.

He sighed and pocketed the kunai back, getting up on his feet and opening the door of his room, finding himself in front of the few things that still made him hang onto life. His younger sister. Many people joked about how she could pass as him only a bit more feminine. Same jet black hair, tied in a thick ponytail, only, she liked to drape it over one of her shoulders, the left at the moment, plus the clear pupil-less Hyuuga trademark eyes.

His sister was maybe the purest person he knew, still tied to an ideal of fable-like romance. He liked to berate her about her collection of romance novels, but right now, after his father's lesson in the duty of the Hyuuga males, it was one of the things he hang on. He feared the day she would start feeling the effects of the pheromone. That would maybe be the day he gave up on life and his sight. "Hotaru... How's the new book?"

"It's fantastic, beautiful! I read till the main character talks to the heroine and..." There she went, automatically starting to talk excitedly about the latest chapter whenever she was asked about the book... Only to stop, cross her arms and pout as she realized who had asked her. "Onii-saaaan... You just want to tease me again, don't you?"

"... Hotaru..." Neji suddenly hugged his sister tenderly to him, startling the younger, twelve years old the last month, girl with the gesture. "Please... Do never change."

"E-Eh?" When he let go, he started walking to the door, slowly, but not in the usual dignified way, it was more like...

"He walks like a death-row inmate."

"Ahhh!" Hotaru almost jumped out of her skin. She settled for getting very scared and turning around, huffing and stomping one foot to the ground cutely. "Hanabi-nee-sama! Stop doing that!"

"Hmm... He probably got initiated to the duties of the males born into the Hyuuga clan." Hanabi just ignored her cousin's outburst, chewing on a large cookie she held in her right hand after finishing the sentence.

"The duties... Huh?" Hotaru blinked, positively confused by Hanabi's words. The main house member rolled her eyes. She had caught her father doing it when she was eight, there were at least three people peeping four couples doing it at any time of the day and Hotaru had always managed to not catch even a glimpse of anything. She hadn't even been given the talk yet. When she would come of age, she would be a sight to behold, all hot and bothered and knowing nothing about it.

"Nevermind. It's a secret for people of our age."

"Then how do you know about it, nee-sama?" Hanabi just smiled impishly.

"I keep my eyes and ears open at night, that's all." Hanabi, unlike Hotaru, was a very early bloomer. Coming of age at twelve, discovering about sex and the fetishes of the Hyuuga much earlier, she had developed a mischievous personality as a result. She had never found many things fun, but then she had discovered the pleasure of messing with people's heads. She still candidly remembered as a couple days ago Neji made a dive to snatch something out of Hotaru's hands, the pure horror on his face as he realized that she had slipped a director's cut version of Icha Icha Paradise in Hotaru's romance books collection. "So, wanna go to the academy?"

"Uh? Why the academy?"

"Because today is the graduating day for most classes, and when they graduate they always meet with their jonin sensei."

"Ahh! A Jonin like Matsutake-sama?" While Hotaru's interest in the matter sparked by her idealized mushroom-named literature character, Hanabi knew that most of the higher ranking ninjas in Konoha were real pieces of work. There were a couple of them that she knew would be at the academy that day, but the one she was really interested in was...

-Breakline-

"Alright then," the masked man began once the three genin had reached the roof. "Why don't we start out by getting to know each other a little better?"

The three kids shared a look. "In what way?" Sakura asked cautiously.

Kakashi rubbed his chin, taking on a 'thinking-man's pose'.

"Well, we could have an orgy."

The jounin always enjoyed the reactions he got from that response. The last group of genin hopefuls whom he'd suggested it to had their clothes off before he even had the chance to tell them he was joking. The group before that had been downright repulsed, the girl going so far as to run away in horror. This time it was a satisfying mixture of both. The blonde looked eagerly at the girl next to him, but nearly gagged upon looking at the Uchiha. Likewise for the girl as her gaze drifted from Sasuke to Naruto. While they were doing that, Sasuke had slowly shifted himself as far away from both of his teammates as he could, and was sending a very strong death glare at Kakashi, which he casually ignored.

"Or...I suppose we could just tell a little bit about ourselves." he finally said, watching the tension vanish instantly. Sasuke took a few more seconds to calm down and approach his team again, while the other two were torn between relief and pouting at a missed occasion. "So, tell me your name, things you like, things you hate... And to keep things a tad unprofessional, your favorite sexual activity."

The tension built up a bit again, cue Sasuke's renewed glare and his teammates' embarassment. Sakura cleared her throat and raised her hand. "K-Kakashi-sensei, why don't you... Go first? As an example."

"Hmm? Well, my name is Hatake Kakashi. I like a lot of things, hate a few, and I have no intention of telling you anything that women could use against me." The last comment earned confusion from his newfound students, shadowing the fact that all they had learned was his name. Kakashi suddenly raised his arm and pointed at Sakura. "Your turn, guys. Pinky, you go first."

"Eh? Ah, y-yes." Sakura nodded frantically and regained a bit of her composure. "My name is Haruno Sakura. What I like is... Sasuke-kun, and the dreams I have about Sasuke-kun and me having..." It's not a mystery that growing in such an environment helped girls be a little bolder with their words and also with their declarations of affection, much to Sasuke's annoyance. A few times girls had literally thrown themselves at him naked. It made for good Kawarimi practice, though. "What I hate is Naruto."

"Sakura-chan, that's mean..." The blonde haired shinobi said, his head slumping between his legs and a small tear escaping from his right eye.

"My favourite sexual activity is..." Sakura was about to say masturbation, since that's all she had done in her life, but then a flash of a certain scene appeared in her mind. Something that became clearer and clearer, like a few seconds of a remastered movie. A movie that in this case involved her and a certain blonde. She blushed scarlet. "C-Cu-Cu-Cunnilingul... AHHHH! GO AWAY, GO AWAY!"

The males of Team 7 could only stare in confusion as Sakura tried to swat away the imaginary cloud of smoke containing her memory. After she calmed down, Kakashi passed the baton to 'sunshine'.

"Yes! My name is Uzumaki Naruto! I like ramen, but what I like even more is the ramen Ayame-neechan always makes me right after we... Ehm..." Naruto blushed, remembering his favourite aftersex activity, much to Kakashi's amusement. "And Sakura-chan! Of course, I also like Sakura-chan!" Sakura just groaned. "What I hate is the three minutes I have to wait for the ramen to be ready... My favorite sexual activity? Hmm..." Naruto put a hand to his chin, as his mind went back to the various 'activities' Ayame had introduced him to, and blushing, realized that he hadn't developed a favorite one, since it was most of the times Ayame taking the lead, and so the ones he did the most were probably her favorite ones... He just went with one of them. "Fellatio. On the receiving end, obviously."

"A classic. Well played with the ramen stand girl." Kakashi gave Naruto a thumbs up, much to the blonde embarassment. He then turned his head to the last remaining member of his cell. "So, all that's left is dark and broody."

"… My name is Uchiha Sasuke. There are very few things that I care about, and there are many, many things that I hate." His eyes darkened considerably. "But...the one thing in this world that I hate more than anything else..."

Kakashi sighed internally. He felt a speech on vengeance and fratricide coming on.

"...is sex."

Kakashi nodded in acknowledgment, then paused as he played the last statement again in his head. "Wait, what?"

"Sex." he repeated firmly.

"What are you, nuts?" Naruto demanded. Sakura didn't speak, feeling too much like she'd just lost a key element to life to form anything comprehensible.

Sasuke ignored them all, but decided to elaborate anyway. "Sex is a despicable, degrading, vile act that should only be used for creating offspring, and sometimes not even then!" His face spasmed weakly as a haunted look appeared in his eyes. "But not in this village, oh no. Here, everyone has to be having sex all the time, where ever they want with whoever they want, doing things to each other that would graciously be called torture by any rational person! Oh sure, they may blame the pheromone for their actions, but how many of those people actually try to fight it? To stave off the disgusting urge to do 'this and that' with whoever happens to be standing next to them at the time? Those people sicken me! They don't have an ounce of willpower or pride, to just give into their sick and most base desires without even putting up a fight like that! I hate them almost as I hate sex itself!"

The others stared transfixed as Sasuke, who had stood up and started yelling halfway through his rant, sat back down in his previous hunched over position. "And I don't have a favorite sexual activity," he added.

Silence reigned for several seconds as everyone came to terms with what they'd just heard. Slowly, Sakura raised her hand.

"Um...could I please change one of my answers?"

-Breakline-

"Thanks, and come again." Ayame said with a smile as she handed out a take away to a couple of civilian workers. The morning business was a bit slower, consisting mainly of preparing the ingredients for the rest of the day, but there were a few who came to buy a take away meal to eat later on the work place. Most were carpenters.

"Ayame, can you give me a hand here?"

"Coming right a..."

"Why, good morning, Ayame." Teuchi groaned when he heard that familiar voice, already resigning himself to having to move that crate of spices himself. He had forgotten that it was Wednesday. And like every Wednesday morning, that damn toothpick jounin came to the stand.

"Ah, G-Genma-san..." Teuchi hated hearing his little girl stutter in front of any male. His little girl didn't stutter, she was intelligent, headstrong and dominant in... He shuddered and made the images disappear from his head. Still, he hated it.

"I must say, watching you at work is one of the best sight ever, Ayame... But you know in what situation you look even more beautiful?" Teuchi gripped tightly the crate and with a newfound source of strength lifted it over his head, his mind barely restraining his instinct from throwing the crate at the ninja.

"Ah, well, I think I know, Genma-san..." Only to slump and let it fall to the ground when he heard Ayame reply with that playful tone. He sighed, his hands already going for the plugs he had in his apron's front pocket. "Only... I will have to decline." His hands almost ripped off his culinary garment for the surprise, and he was sure that the 'plick' he had heard was Genma's toothpick falling to the ground.

"You will have... To decline?" Genma repeated, incredulously. Teuchi made his way to the front to find a pretty much shocked Jonin and a slightly embarrassed Ayame, giving the man in front of her a sheepish grin.

"Sorry, Genma-san... But someone already took care of my urges, today." Genma's surprise diminished, and he just 'tsk'-ed, regaining his cool demeanor.

"Hmm... Someone beat me to it, today... Quite the early riser, this bird." Genma shook his head, chuckling all the way as he walked to the stand's exit. "Well, I guess I'll see you next Wednesday."

"Probably, Genma-san. Good day." Ayame chuckled a little bit as she observed the ninja go, noticing from how his body was trembling that he was thoroughly pissed that someone had beat him to the punch and that he wouldn't get his weekly dose of Ayame. She smiled smugly and turned around, shaking her head to no one in particular. "What can I say? I am addictive..."

"Explain." Only for her father to suddenly be in her face, much to her surprise.

"E-Explain, daddy?"

"No one already took care of your urges, today. No one. The last person you slept with was Naruto yesterday, and I know for a fact that it isn't enough for you. The morning after you're already back on that track, especially on Wednesday, and I know for a fact that you didn't do anything in the shower."

"D-Dad, you're scaring me..." Ayame backed away a little, finding the sight of his father with bloodshot eyes, a ladle in his left hand, towering over her even if he was shorter, talking nonchalantly of things that would usually make him have an heart failure a bit too strange for her tastes.

"Explain." He repeated, and Ayame huffed and turned around.

"I-I don't know, alright? I just... Don't feel like having sex, today." If the stand had been more populated, everyone would have incredibly caught that sentence and turned in Ayame's direction, staring at her like she had sprouted fox ears. It was empty, so it was just her father. The auburn haired girl blushed at the sudden attention. "S-Stop staring at me like that! I don't know why, I just... Don't feel like it!"

"... You don't feel like it." Teuchi repeated, savoring the words like they were the sweetest nectar in the world, the ambrosia of gods, the rediscovered pride and joy of an old carpenter as he lays eyes on the first ship he has ever built, the...

"Well, I guess Naruto is just thaaaaaaat good. Why, the things he does with..."

"LALALALALALALALALA!" Only for that joy to be crushed as his little girl started making him imagine things that he had tried to suppress every night the plugs weren't enough. He stuck two fingers in his ears and ran to the back of the shop, leaving a smirking Ayame alone in the front.

"Serves him right." Only for said girl to sigh and suddenly slump on one of the chairs, her head turned up to the sky, or at least where the sky would be if the ceiling of the ramen shop wasn't in the way. "... But, really, what's up with me? Dad is right, it's... Unusual. On wednesday, I'm usually ready to go all day." Then, she smiled and giggled sweetly. "I guess you really are that good, Naruto-kun..."

Unknown to her, though, someone had heard everything. Someone that had decided just for the hell of it to take ramen as a take away lunch, that morning, having forgot to notify his servants that he was going to be out all day. That person had stopped upon hearing Ayame's words, and had eavesdropped on everything. That person's eyes were wide as saucers. That person had a dream, and now, he had also a suspicion.

-Breakline-

"Jeez, what was up with that sensei?" Naruto thought out loud. After denying Sakura's request of changing one of her answers, Kakashi had proceeded to tell them that all the effort they had put in graduating was for naught, since they could still be sent back to the academy if they failed a 'survival training' of sorts. "I mean, scaring us like that, and telling us not to have breakfast... What do you think was up with that, Sakura-chan?"

"... n't know..." Naruto groaned, observing the crestfallen and broken figure of his crush and now teammate. Sasuke's declaration had shocked him, but on the pink haired girl had had the effect of an epileptic elephant in a crystal shop.

Sakura's mind, after the moment of clarity and the question about changing one of her answers, had went into a broken circle of reviewing again and again and again her ruined plans. She had been overjoyed upon hearing that she was on a team with Sasuke, since that would mean that they would take missions together, and what better way than bonding than allowing her crush to satisfy his urges with her on a warm night in a foreign country while away on a long-term mission? That dream had been crushed thoroughly along with many other fantasies.

Also, on that moment, she realized something else. If Sasuke was that opposed to sex, to the very idea of having any kind of intercourse, that would mean that when her own urges would act up on a long-term mission, to satisfy them she would have to... To... She stopped and slowly turned to Naruto. She sniffed. "S-Sakura-chan, what's wrong? Something on my face?"

"It's... Too much..." She fell to her knees and then broke down in tears. "IT'S TOO MUUUUUCH! FIRST I SLEEP WITH INO, THEN SASUKE SAYS HE HATES SEX, AND NOW I WILL HAVE TO HAVE SEX WITH NARUTO! IT'S TOO MUUUUUUUUUCH! I WANT TO DIE!"

"S-Sakura-chan!" Naruto was torn between feeling a bit insulted by how the thought only of having sex with him had caused Sakura to go off the deep end and trying to comfort her. He went with both. "Sakura-chan, I can understand why you're shocked with Sasuke's... Well, peculiar conviction, but why the hell do you hate the idea of having sex with me that much?"

"E-Eh?" Sakura stopped crying just because she got surprised by Naruto's sudden question. The blonde boy had never been that bold in his life, but he figured that since most of the village acted that way, he could get away with it once or twice too.

"What I said! I can understand why you don't like me! I'm loud, a joker, I wear orange! Your type is the brooding type, Sasuke! I'm the total opposite, I can understand that..." Naruto was feeling his self esteem going lower by the second as he spoke. "But what the hell does any of that have to do with sex?"

"Ah... Ehm..." Sakura was pretty much shocked into silence, because Naruto had, for once, a point. They weren't talking about fairy romance sex, they were talking about pure physical release. If the point was just getting off, Naruto was suitable. He had pretty high marks in taijutsu mainly because of his endurance, and had the body to prove it. Also, now that she thought about it, he was the only one with any actual experience among the three of them. Sasuke was a virgin, no mystery on that. Sakura regained a bit of focus and started rubbing her chin in thought. "Hmm... Maybe?"

"... Eh?" Very intelligent reply, Naruto.

"Of course... Sasuke-kun is so averse to sex... He's a virgin for sure, but more than that, if I want him to see the light, I have to be experienced myself! I have to find a way to make even Sasuke-kun like sex!" Sakura realized a new resolve and trusted her right elbow downward and then turned to Naruto again. "Naruto! From now on, we're sex study partners!"

"We're WHAT? OW!" Sakura punched Naruto's head to admonish him for his loud voice, thing that the blonde understood without the need for words, for once.

"Tomorrow we have the test, so we should rest... Once we become real genin, we can start researching a bit." Sakura nodded to herself, while Naruto slowly came to terms with what had just been decided.

"Hey! Don't I have a say in this?" Sakura narrowed his eyes.

"It's not like I can ask anyone else, Naruto... Also, what are you complaining about?" Suddenly, Sakura's expression softened and she put a finger to her right cheek, leaning her head to the side, making Naruto blush. "You don't find me attractive anymore?"

"O-Of course I do! I love Sakura-chan! Only..."

"Good! Then, be sure to pass that test too, tomorrow! I don't want to be forced to ask Kakashi-sensei, or worse, Kiba!" As Sakura sprinted away, leaving a confused Naruto behind, the wind blew and detritus and dust flew past him, as he stared at Sakura's departing figure till it disappeared in the horizon.

"... I should be happy... So, why do I feel like a tool?" This Naruto, he's growing up... Then, he remembered something. "WAIT A MINUTE! SHE SLEPT WITH INO?"

-Breakline-

"Hanabi-chan, why is that boy so upset? We sleep together all the time..."

"I... Don't really know, Hotaru." Hanabi sighed, her cousin's naivety ticking her off, along with the fact that they had missed Kakashi Hatake's appearance. One of the biggest misteries about the man was his face. It seemed that everyone who saw it also forgot about it the next day. So focused was she on a missed occasion that she realized only then just who the boy who was lamenting was. "... That boy..."

"Do you know him, Hanabi-chan?"

"... You could say that." Hanabi shuddered remembering that particular occasion, the day she found her sister's secret... Stash. How could one build a secret lair under her own bed, she didn't know. The posters and pictures littered around the room were all of one boy. "Let's just say that... My sisters fancies him."

"Ehhh? Hinata-nee-sama?" Hotaru's eyes widened and suddenly got glued to the figure of Naruto, who was currently grasping his head, trying to process out of his mind the thoughts of Ino and Sakura going down on each other. Here, something needs to be clarified. Hotaru thinks of Hinata as being some sort of princess, because she only sees her shy, gentle and courteous side, unlike Hanabi who's more acquainted with the other side of her sister, the nutty one. "To catch the eye of Hinata-nee-sama... He must be a noble man indeed..."

"Oh, for the love of..." Hanabi had half an idea of moving Hotaru's futon in her parents' room at night with her still inside, but thinking more about it, she realized something. While a crush could be easily explained, there was the fact that Hinata was basically obsessed with the blonde they were observing from the branches of a tree. "... I wonder..."

Hanabi activated her byakugan, remembering that her sister seemed to have it active all the time at school, seeing a connection. She focused on the clothes, getting past them, and observing the boy's body. "Hmm..." It was a good muscular completion, but it was nothing she hadn't seen before. After all, to have an athletic body was a prerequisite for being a ninja. She gave half a thought of dwelling deeper, under his underwear, but she decided against it. She still hadn't gotten the massive urges of everyone else because of coming at a young age and so self-pleasuring still worked for her, but you never know what's under the hood. She deactivated her byakugan and got back on her feet. "Well, there's nothing more for us here. Let's go."

"Hmmm..." Hanabi departed immediately, while Hotaru let her gaze linger on Naruto's shape a bit more. "The girl called him... Naruto..." She observed him a few seconds more and then departed just before Naruto turned in her direction, feeling a gaze on him, a nice distraction from the mental images in his head. Not that they were unpleasant. If he had to say so himself, the way he imagined the cunnilingus taking place was very creative. Just, there was a time and place for everything.

-Breakline-

"Well, good morning, my little deviants." Kakashi said as he arrived at the training field he had chosen for their little survival test. He had arrived three hours late as usual, but received not a single one of the usual reactions. Instead, it went like so: Sakura was focused on reading a book, a very familiar book that happened to be one of his favorites in the series; Naruto was seemingly focused on something that happened to rest between his feet, his lips moving but not a sound coming out of it; the only who seemed uncomfortable was Sasuke, who was seating in a zen meditation pose, a vein visibly twitching on his forehead. _[I]Now, that's a way of dealing with a morning wood... If that's what's disturbing him.[/I]_ "Ah-Rumph." He cleared his throat, so earning the attention of the trio. Sakura immediately hid the book in her weapon pouch.

"Ah. Good morning, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto was the most educated one, surprisingly. Kakashi couldn't help but feel he had lost something really important that happened after he departed the previous day.

"Yeah, morning..." Also, he heard no grumbling stomachs. For a reason or another, they all had eaten their breakfast. Well, for Naruto it went like this...

-Breakline-

"But Ayame-neechan, sensei said..."

"I don't care what your teacher said. You're not getting out of here without first eating something." And then she gave him the evil eye. Naruto sighed in defeat. There was no fighting her when she gave him that look and put her hands on her hips. Naked too? No chance at all.

-Breakline-

For Sasuke, it went like this...

-Breakline-

"My sensei said..."

"Kohana."

"Haaaaaaaai!"

"MPGH!"

-Breakline-

Sakura, instead...

-Breakline-

"Sakura, will you please put that book down and eat some breakfast?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Her body moved on its own as her mind was still glued on the pages opened in front of her.

-Breakline-

"Well, I guess we can start the test." Also, there was something else Kakashi had noticed. Sasuke had been glaring at the back of Naruto's head for a while, now. He inwardly sighed, hoping that whatever it was, it was something trivial. He really, really needed to pass this team, but he had his principles. His right hand dove for its correspondent pocket and got out two silver bells. "Your goal will be to get one of these from me. Whoever gets one becomes a ninja."

"Heh? But there are only two of them..." Sakura noted, and Kakashi nodded.

"Correct. One of you will go back to the academy for sure." That made everyone but Sasuke tense, Kakashi noticed, and the Jounin was seriously starting to worry. According to what he knew of the Uchiha, he should have been ballistic... Well, covertly so. "You have time till that bell rings. Also..." They had all ate breakfast, so he guessed that the 'eating lunch in front of yourself' thing wouldn't have much effect. "Oh, well. Test start."

Kakashi observed as Sakura hid among the foliage... And only Sakura. Sasuke was still glaring at the back of Naruto's head, and the blond seemed to have finally noticed the fact. "Uh? Sasuke, what is it?" Sasuke still glared, and Naruto started to glare back, a frown on his face. "What is it? Wanna fight?"

"... Uzumaki Naruto!" Naruto's anger got broke because of the sudden raise in Sasuke's tone of voice. Sasuke never raised his voice that much. Never. Then he observed as the Uchiha got a kunai out of his weapon pouch and held it dagger like in his left hand. "You're gonna die by my hands!"

"... Eh?" Kakashi facepalmed. So much for teamwork...


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**The beginning of a legend**

"Listen, I'm sure there's been a misunderstanding some-WOAH!" Naruto ducked and narrowly dodged the kunai swipe from his rival and would-be assassin Uchiha Sasuke. "Will you please not try to behead me when I'm trying to plead my case? Scratch that! What's my case?"

"Just shut up and die!" The avenger turned killer growled as he tried to kick Naruto on the side of his head. The exchange was surveyed closely by Kakashi, who decided to use the occasion to at least assess his team's skills.

Having only the academy reports as a source of information, one would be wondering how Naruto was surviving this long in a fight against Sasuke if the Uchiha truly wanted him dead. To a Jounin like Kakashi, this was as clear as the sky.

Sasuke was Naruto's better in basically everything but Stamina, but there was the fact that his anger in that moment was of the kind that makes you sloppy, not of the kind that makes you driven, and that was hampering his skills considerably, and surprisingly.

That was something he would have expected from Naruto, who instead was showing a good degree of self-control when faced with a pretty much crazed Uchiha, dodging a kunai stab aimed for his right eye. "Alright! What the hell is wrong with you? What did I do to you overnight? Rape you in your dreams?"

"AAAAAAAAAARGH!" At those words Sasuke exploded in a surge of rage and almost split a tree in half with an axe-drop kick while the blonde rolled out of the way.

"... No fucking way." Naruto and Sakura mouthed in unison, even if they weren't aware of it, the pinkette being hidden in a tree and all. "H-Hey, I'm sorry... I mean, it wasn't my fault, was it? You can't blame your subconscious' workings on me... Though, I think you need some serious therapy..."

"SHUT UP, YOU NIMROD! IT'S NOT THAT!" Another piece of poor plant life was reduced to swiss cheese thanks to all the chakra Sasuke put into the volley of shuriken. Sakura and Naruto sighed in relief, though the latter went back in a state of righteous anger immediately after.

"Then what the hell is it?" He shouted. Sasuke panted to regain some of his breath.

"You... You..."

-Breakline-

"What kind of person shoves food in another's mouth? Did you at least wash your hands first?" Sasuke raged as he coughed out the last rice grain stuck in his throat.

"She wouldn't have had to if you just behaved and ate on your own." The eldest Uchiha mumbled a thankfully unheard obscenity under his breath and indulged himself with some orange juice.

"Good morning Ileyana-neechan, Sorano-neechan!" Kohana happily greeted the two missing twins as they reached the table, and Sasuke immediately understood that there was something wrong.

While it was rare for the two to come downstairs at the same time, they had never been silent when the distance was of just two meters from each other. He turned around to find an angry Ileyana shouldered by a grinning Sorano. He sighed in relief. They had already had their morning squabble with Sorano as the victor this time. He returned to his orange juice.

"... Shina... Am I unfeminine?" The spit take was amazing. Kohana just munched away at her breakfast, while Shina turned to the youngest triplet with a surprised look, and Sorano just kept on smiling evilly.

"Are you... Of course..." The ribbon-wearing girl shook her head to clear her thoughts. "Ileyana, what brought this on?"

"Ahhh, how I longed for this day..." Sorano breathed in through her nose, loudly, like she could feel a particular, ever-satisfying smell that was available only to her and wanted to savour as much as possible of it. "It does smell like victory."

"... Just answer the question." Ileyana said with a grunt. Sasuke multitasked cleaning the wall while listening to the conversation.

"Well, it's not that you're unfeminine, Ileyana... It's just that you go out of your way to be seen unfeminine." Shina sighed, and then started counting the points that she was going to expose to her sister, a point for each finger. "You keep your hair incredibly short and don't care for them much, you wrap your chest that it's not that big to begin with, you never wear anything but boy clothes and dark colours... But I must ask again, what brought this on? You never cared much about your being feminine or not."

"... It's just..."

"The power of loooove..." This time she dodged the paperbomb. Just like her brother, unfocused anger made Ileyana sloppy, it seemed. Sasuke brushed against the wall a bit too harshly for the paint's resistance.

"Shut up... It's not like that, it's..." Ileyana sighed and leaned her head on her right hand. "It's just that this boy... A classmate of Sasuke, managed to tell I was a girl with just a glance. So, what's the point in trying to be unfeminine if it doesn't work?"

"With just a glance? Really?" Shina chuckled right after, understanding her sister's predicament. On top of non caring about being feminine or not, the reason she went out of her way to look like a man was that kunoichi were usually underestimated or treated differently from their male counterparts, and she knew her twin sister had too much pride to allow that. It wasn't a really ninja-like behaviour, but it was her character. "Quite observant a fellow... Sasuke, who is she talking about?"

"... I don't..."

"His future brother-in-law, of course! And if you need further proof..." Sorano snuck silently behind Ileyana... And then shot her hands forward and upward, grabbing a handful of breasts as she did so, much to Sasuke's shock and chagrin. "Ta-daa! She forgot her bindings, this morning!"

"S-SORANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

-Breakline-

"... YOU BROKE THE LAST GOOD ONE!"

"THE LAST GOOD WHAT?" Naruto got finally angry enough to get as loud as Sasuke, and then squatted down to dodge another three chakra-covered kunai. He decided he had had enough. "ALRIGHT! ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT! TEST OR NO TEST I'M KICKING YOUR ASS!"

"AAARGH!"

"STOOOOOOP!" Kakashi was observing the exchange of words that was soon going to become an exchange of blows with the same fascination of someone observing a trainwreck or a car crash, things that were impossible to see in their world, so he had to be satisfied with what he had at disposal. The last thing he expected was for Sakura to intervene, putting herself between Naruto and Sasuke, back to the former, much to Kakashi's surprise. Knowing her profile, he believed it would have been the opposite.

Her two team-mates were as surprised as their teacher, it seemed. To think that Sakura would ever do anything against Sasuke's wishes was unthinkable, but it seemed that on that day, reality had been made drama's bitch. "Sasuke-kun, please stop! This is ridiculous!"

"Sakura.. You..." It seems that the shock had managed to stop Sasuke's rampage, bust just for a few seconds. The avenger almost immediately returned to a state of anger. "Step aside! I must..."

"Will you stop and think about this for a minute, Sasuke? You're wasting your chakra for... I don't even know! You're just angry and you didn't even say why!" Sakura shook her head form side to side, and the denial left Sasuke shocked again.

"Yeah! You didn't!" Naruto, you're not helping much.

"We... I mean, we're a team, now! If something happens to get you angry... We should talk about it not act... Act crazy. This isn't like you, Sasuke-kun. At all!" Sasuke was shocked again into silence, mostly because Sakura was being the voice of reason and now that he thought about it, until a few seconds before, Naruto himself had been acting more reasonable than him. He was acting like a madman in front of their teacher.

"Even... Alright, it's true, but..." Sasuke finally calmed down enough to stop talking in a loud voice. "I mean... What's the point? One of us is going to be sent back to the academy anyway, right?" And to try justifying murdering Naruto by words, with a malicious grin. "So, it wouldn't really be a problem..."

"You just have to try! Also, did you forget? The point is to get one of his bells, not to be left in two people! You can try going at me, but be sure I will put up enough a resistance to leave you unable to steal even candy from a baby!" Naruto wasn't boasting about running Sasuke's face into the ground? Kakashi found himself blinking a lot in the last minutes.

"... True." Sasuke conceded. "... But then what's the point of us being in groups of three? That's doomed to cause inner fighting. Even if someone managed to steal one of the bells, another one would try to steal it from his team-mate. It would be be easier than trying to steal it from a Jounin, after all."

"... Yeah, I mean..." Naruto scratched the top of his head in thought, and he groaned angrily. "Damn, this is I mess! I mean, I don't want Sakura-chan... I mean, I don't want one of us to go back to the academy! Or fight between each other for a bell or something!"

"Y-Yeah... Me neither..." Naruto saved himself on time, thankfully. He honestly believed that if it came down to that, it would be Sakura who would be sent back to the academy. No need for Sakura to know about that, though. It would only get her angry. "... Maybe... Wait! Maybe there's something else. I mean, maybe there's... A secret! A secret objective that will let us graduate all together!"

"... It would make sense." Sasuke acknowledged, putting a hand to his chin. "... Maybe if we managed to beat him or injure him, we will all pass? I'm pretty sure that that would be much more difficult than stealing a bell from his belt. I'm not sure I would be able to do it alone."

"Yeah, me neither... But there's a problem, though." Naruto earned the attention of both his team-mates, with that, and Sakura finally removed himself from in front of Naruto. "There's a time limit. If we decide to go for it... I mean, we don't even know if that's really it and it would cut time on us trying to get the bells for sure."

"... So, it's either all of us or nothing or try to get by on our own?" Sakura acknowledged that it was true, and then thought about it... "... All of us." The decision was almost immediate, earning surprise from both Naruto and Sasuke. "If that's the choice... There's not even a choice." _If I want to get to Sasuke-kun, I will need both him and Naruto around! IT'S A FIGHT FOR LOVE!_

"... Well said, Sakura-chan! And..." Naruto narrowed his eyes at Sasuke. "... I'm just curious about the reason why you're angry. That's all."

"... I just want a shot at you. That's all." Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Naruto and then sighed. "Also... I guess I could have ended up with worse people... You can't be that bad if you're still alive."

"... Thanks?" Naruto said, shaking his head right after. The matter would have to be researched further. "Nevermind." He then turned around to stare at Kakashi who had been observing the scene. "Kakashi-sensei! We're coming to kick your ass!"

"... Oh, well..." _I could already tell them they passed the test, but..._ "... I could use a good work out." Kakashi smiled with his eye, decided to use the test to also verify their combat abilities.

-Breakline-

"... So, what have we learned today?"

"That to use weird techniques on your Jounin teacher is completely unacceptable."

"And?"

"That I should use that technique only in do-or-die situations."

"And?"

"That bright orange is a bad colour for a thong. No, seriously, I can understand the first two, but this thong thing is ridiculous!" Kakashi just kept on glaring at Naruto, who was sitting on the ball of his feet in front of him, while his two other team-mates stared at the situation. Sasuke was staring at Naruto in a mix of disgust, horror and rage. Sakura was instead in the middle of thinking, and every now and then would scribble something down on a pad.

All because of what had happened right at the end of the 'survival training'...

-Breakline-

Kakashi was extremely satisfied. His newest team had passed his hidden test on teamwork and he had to admit that while Sasuke was competent as expected barring the little outburst at the beginning, and Sakura was as average as could be in a fight again as expected, Naruto had really surprised him.

The whiskered boy had first displayed his use of Kage Bunshin with the simple strategy of 'kicking your ass in a group', but when he saw that that failed he tried getting creative. Sneak attacks, attacking from impossible angles to protect at the same time (or so he thought), using them in tandem with Sakura and Sasuke, henging them to mask the other two's advance... Good times.

But again, he was a jonin. Three freshly out of the academy genins couldn't hold a candle to him, once he got serious. He was currently observing their panting, scraped forms sprawled on the ground in front of him, with the exception of Naruto. The Jinchuuriki was indeed a monster of stamina, like a certain purple-haired woman mentioned oh so many times in the past.

"No... We can't..." Kakashi rolled his eyes. The time was almost over and yet, Naruto didn't recede. A good quality to have, from time to time. He sighed and he guessed that he could come out with it and tell them they had passed, then he would congratulate them, tell them about the stone, take them out... "WE CAN'T GIVE UP! GANGBANG NO JUTSU!"

"... Eh?"

"What?" Sakura and Sasuke recovered from their tiredness at the mere name of the technique, while Kakashi's eye threatened to bulge out of his socket. Yes, because, you see, the Sandaime had told him that Naruto had learned the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, but he had never said anything about him having learned...

"You forced my hand, Kakashi-sensei! ATTACK!" The technique that had created the mass of near naked humanity that was now descending upon him like a tidal wave of pure disaster. Sasuke stared in horror before his stomach gave out and he puked on the grass. Seemed like in a way, Kakashi had been right. Sakura was staring at the many Naruto with a bright flush on her face.

"T-That pervert...! What kind of stupid jutsu is that?" She whispered under her breath... Before remembering the little pact she had made with Naruto. She put a hand to her chin and looked up. "... Well, actually... Between the Kage Bunshin and this... I guess it could be useful for researching..."

A lighting bolt descended upon the training field. Kakashi would blame the landscape damage on 'I panicked!'

-Breakline-

"... Nevermind. You passed, that's what's important." Kakashi decided to let it go, uncrossing his arms from over his chest and softening his gaze. "From tomorrow, we'll start real missions. And training." He glared at Naruto again. "That technique is prohibited in spars, hear me? You're only allowed to use it..."

"In do or die situations, I know, I know." Naruto got back up from his kneeling position and brushed the back of his head. "Hokage-jii already told me after I beat up Mizuki with it..."

"... You beat up a man using that technique?"

"... He's currently in therapy." Naruto admitted, feeling a little bit guilty. Just a little, really. He had tried to kill him and Iruka, after all. Kakashi 'hmm'-ed a bit and then patted Naruto on the left shoulder.

"Don't lose that mean streak. It could come in handy someday." That said he walked in front of the other two. "Dismissed for the day. We'll meet tomorrow morning at the bridge on the river, 8 o'clock. Ja." With that, their Jounin teacher disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"... Well, that was weird." Naruto shrugged and walked to his two newfound team-mates. "Hey, guys. What about we go celebrate somewhere? We've done it, right?"

"The only place I'm going to in your company is a SANITARIUM!" Sasuke snarled before stomping away, rage permeating his whole body. The blonde blinked, clearly confused at his behaviour.

"What was that about?" Sakura sighed and then pulled Naruto by a hand. "E-Eh? Sakura-chan, where..."

"Don't you remember our deal?" Sakura dragged the blonde behind a set of bushes while he paled and then threw him against a tree-trunk. He could only stare at Sakura, paralyzed while she took a string out of her weapon pouch and tied her hair in a ponytail behind her back. "Since we got promoted, I thought we could start right away." Naruto had had mixed feelings about the matter ever since Sakura suggested it to him the previous day. He needed to say something, anything...

"Ehm... Why are you tying your hair?" But that was the most he could let out as Sakura knelt down and grabbed the hem of his pants, much to his embarrassment and further stiffness, in every sense of the word.

"Long hair get in the way of fellatio, or so I read in that book." The sound of a zipper echoed in the small clearing, and Naruto gasped. "I know it's an advanced technique, but I wanted to... Just break me in, you know? Now, you're the one with the most experience, here. Tell me if I do something wrong or good."

"S-Sakura-chan, this...! … Well... I... … On second thought, try moving your tongue over..."

-Breakline-

"... A civilian girl. Pah..." Anko was currently downing her tenth drink for the evening. It didn't too much to her, her metabolism having long since adjusted itself to alcohol, but she liked the act's meaning. When you can do nothing, get yourself plastered. "I lost my prime virgin to a civilian... A freaking ramen waitress!"

"Well, actually, she does half of the cooking." She didn't even bother to turn around to greet her friend, instead settling for a growl. "She's quite good at it, among other things."

"Ohhh, look who is it. My wonderful friend who just happened to be passing by my house and free Kurenai." Also her second back-up plan to have Naruto as her boy-toy with her as a Jounin teacher had failed again because Yugao had ruined that too. "Give me two reasons why I shouldn't strap you to my bed and fuck you with the twelve inches strap-on right now."

"Well, one, because you're going to do that anyway. You always do that when you're upset. You think I always happen to just pass by every time?" She got her there, but still, she was ready to rip her fucking arms off when she felt Yugao slip them from behind around her body. "Second, I stopped you from making a big mistake."

"... Explain." She decided to give her a chance to explain.

"We have to admit that we've lost our prime rib. It happens and it's our fault. We didn't investigate his situation enough. We thought there wouldn't be anyone willing to give him a go, and we were wrong. But... There's still a way to get what we want." Yugao finished the sentence with a sultry, positively evil smile. Anko may had joined her in her fetish, but she was the expert on virgin breaking. The point of the matter was to make the victim's innocence disappear, to make every notion on love and sex he knew to crumple and break, and be the one to make it happen.

"Are you nuts? He's a virgin no more! How..."

"Let him rationalize sex." Yugao interrupted her friend and rival, her lips contorted in an evil smile. "Let him get enough experience to think of sex as the normalcy, just like everyone else in this village, to think of it as something natural and pleasurable... Then... We strike. We break him."

"... Ok. Before I rape your ass, tell me what part of this seemingly too sweet deal fucks with me." Yugao grinned maliciously.

"Well... Since you can't restrain yourself, unlike me, I can get in his pants before then." Anko growled and got up, heading to her 'special closet'.

"Get on the bed, bitch. I'll be right back."

"Yes, ma'am."

-Breakline-

"Team 7 reporting for duty, sir."

"Ahhh, good, good. It's a good day, Kakashi. You finally graduated a team." Sarutobi had had his doubts, but it seemed that Kakashi knew what he did when he chose those three as his team. The brooding Sasuke, the serious Sakura, the... "... Naruto, your pants are on backwards."

"Heh? Really? Oh, hell!" Much to everyone's groaning, Naruto started to undress to rectify the wardrobe malfunction right in the middle of the room. They didn't do much more than that, though. "I'm sorry! It's just... Well, Ayame-neechan didn't do anything yesterday evening, which is strange. We just cuddled to sleep, but this morning..."

"It's alright, it's alright. It's also nice to see that you have an healthy sex life." The Hokage said before Iruka presented to him the scroll with the various missions on it.

"So, ready for your first mission?" Naruto finished putting on his pants and sandals back just in time. His other two team-mates had no reaction whatsoever. "Alright... There's a lady in the eastern part of the village who needs help redecorating her garden."

"... Heh? What kind of lame mission is that?" Naruto immediately exploded, and Iruka rolled his eyes, expecting that.

"Naruto, you've just become a genin. You thought we could give you more difficult missions right off the bat?" The blonde grumbled a small obscenity, but acquiesced.

"Also, don't think too lightly even of D-Ranks. One of the first rules of being a ninja is to prepare for the unexpected. Every mission can turn out to contain more than what it seems like." The Hokage continued, and Kakashi 'hmm-'ed in thought, understanding what the fire shadow meant.

"... Lawn ornaments placing?" Sasuke snorted in disbelief and then walked out of the room, with Sakura in tow. Naruto followed right after, being as annoyed as Sasuke.

"... It's going to be one of 'those' missions, right?" Kakashi asked. The Hokage nodded.

"Probably. As long as they pay, though, it's not really a problem." The one eyed jounin rolled his eyes.

"Hmm... I have a feeling that they will be disappointed."

-Breakline-

"Huff... Kakashi-sensei, why can't I use Kage Bunshin?"

"Naruto, trust me. You don't want to use that jutsu." Kakashi said in a firm voice, and Naruto huffed and just brought the big potted plant where it had to be. As he had thought, it was one of those missions.

There indeed was a garden to decorate, but he couldn't possibly miss the leers the lady, a pretty brown haired civilian in her forty, a decent MILF by any standards, was giving Sasuke. Knowing the boy, though, he dreaded the moment...

"Good job, sweethearts. You sure worked hard... But aren't you thirsty?" There it was. "Uchiha-kun, why don't you come inside and help me fix you something?"

"... If I must." Sasuke didn't object much, because he really was thirsty. He removed the work gloves and followed the woman inside, under the narrowed gaze of Sakura. Kakashi sighed and Naruto mentally snapped his fingers. Then he remembered the thing that Sasuke hated the most.

"... I give him thirty seconds." The blonde said to his teacher.

"Nah. Forty, at least."

"Five ryo?"

"Deal." Kakashi moved back his right sleeve to uncover his watch, the longest clock hand counting down the time till...

"YOU CRAZY WOMAN! GET OFF OF ME!" Kakashi grumbled and handed Naruto the stipulated amount, the genin grinning all the while. Sasuke bolted out of the house with his pants only half raised and then out of the garden.

"S-Sasuke-kun!" Sakura followed suit while glaring mentally at the woman who was now exiting the house, wearing the same slippers but having replaced her dress with a loosely tied dressing gown and a pout.

"... What was wrong with him? Is he gay or something? And I even held back for days..." The woman then turned his gaze to Naruto, who was in the middle of putting the earned money in his pocket. "... I guess you will have to do."

"Eh?" Naruto blinked, confused, then understood what the woman was implying, and he blushed. He turned to Kakashi who just shrugged, his eye smiling.

"Client's always, right Naruto. Just go with the flow. I'll take care of the garden. It's almost over, after all." The blonde genin just nodded and with his head held low in embarrassment as the woman opened the door again and let him before her.

"So... Naruto, right?" Kakashi mentally chuckled as he imagined when the woman was going to discover that she wasn't the one who would be tired out... Then he realized she was going to pass the word around.

"Well, I guess Naruto is going to get a lot of experience."

-Breakline-

Indeed, he did so. After indeed ruining the woman's fun or maybe making it better by not falling and exhausting himself trying to satisfy an older and more experienced woman, it seemed that lots of ladies had suddenly started to order missions specifically requesting Team 7. And each time after the work of the day was done, Naruto would be let inside the house to help with fixing something or making something for the team only to come out of the house after a time to find his team no longer there. Adding to that the daily sessions he had for Sakura's research, even if they still were only at fellatio (the girl was a perfectionist, after all), and Naruto was getting some experience indeed.

"And again, a new record, Naruto. You managed to tire this woman out in forty minutes." Then again, civilian housewives couldn't have all that stamina. Kakashi put a hand around Naruto's shoulders as he tried to put on his jacket. "So tell me, my young protege, was she submissive or..."

"Kakashi-sensei..." Naruto groaned, blushing a bit. He really preferred that he wouldn't ask him these things in front of Sakura, as not to give her any other ideas. He remembered clearly when he had wished for her to come to him, but this was ridiculous. He felt like a test subject, and they were still at fellatio. "I always end up tiring them out. They always end up submissive."

"Ahhh, answered like a real pro. You could take some tips, you two." Sasuke was spontaneously developing the ability to project his killing intent, while Sakura just blushed and glared. "What? I'm just saying, you never know when this could come in as useful."

"K-Kakashi-sensei, that's ridiculous." Sakura answered, shaking her head from side to side. Kakashi and his stupid jokes were really getting on her nerves, and also what Naruto was doing with their clients. So unnecessary, so perverted... Even more than usual. Yeah, she was doing similar things with Naruto, but it was just for the sake of research! And love! She had a stronger will than that! Sasuke-kun would recognize her only that way!

"Yeah. Like any foreign ninja will suddenly come out and challenge you to... What, a sex competition? Prepost..."

"It happened." This time, everyone's reaction was the same. Stare at Kakashi like he had grown a second head. The Jounin put a hand to his chin and looked up. "The first time was when I was on a recovery mission and my target was the assassination target of a Kumo Kunoichi. I drove her into the ground right in front of our client. Literally." The three genin gasped, while Kakashi just giggled pervertedly. "Then another time, a Iwa Jounin had been given my same mission as to retrieve a scroll. Knowing he couldn't defeat me, he challenged me to who could go the most rounds with the bigger number of whores. So we went to a brothel in the fire capital..."

"AAAAAAARGH!" Sasuke shouted and banged his head against a tree, focusing on his meditation exercise to calm himself down. Sakura immediately was by his side, worried that he might injure himself severally. Naruto just pinched his nose and flushed.

"Seriously, Kakashi-sensei. When are we going to stop doing these... Kind of missions?"

"Meh, we're almost done. It's basically a tradition among housewives of Konoha to test drive the new graduates. Well, not as much as you, of course. You have to pick up Sasuke's slack and also you've become quite the prestige item. You've been stealing most of the other teams' male genins turns too, I suppose." Naruto blinked, just now remembering that indeed, two other teams should have graduated from the academy, or maybe that was just another of Kakashi's lies. How can you hope to keep up a shinobi force of 10000 while graduating just nine people each year? "It usually ends up after a month or so or when you take your first C-Rank mission. The ladies understand that you have to train and become strong and more manly to better satisfy them in the future."

"Training... When are we going to get some serious training, Kakashi-sensei?" Sasuke had managed to calm himself down and return to the brooding avenger level, it seemed. "I bet... I bet the other teams are training like real... Shinobi... Not wasting their time... S-Sexing up whores!"

"Hmmm..." Kakashi moved his head to the sky as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Maybe so..."

-Breakline-

_Team 8 Exam Day_

Yuhi Kurenai finished straightening her white-wrap and red outfit and turned to the two disheveled, half-clothed bodies sprawled on the ground before her. "Not bad for a first try, boys. Unfortunately, you weren't able to outlast me, and as per our agreement, that means a double regimen of intense training tomorrow morning."

She turned to Hinata who, still being a couple weeks shy of her coming of age, had been made to sit to the side with Akamaru and watch. "Sorry, Hinata, but that goes for you as well."

The words barely registered with the crimson-faced girl, her mind already far too busy with more important matters.

_Must remember positions! Must remember technique! Must become flexible enough to wrap own leg behind head!_

"We meet back here tomorrow at sunrise," Kurenai informed them before walking off. "Don't be late or I'll make it even worse for you."

As Hinata remained in her daze, Akamaru went to check on his master, who, like Shino, had yet to move an inch.

Kiba weakly placed his hand on the dog's head, then turned his own head just enough that he could see his new teammate out of the corner of his eye. "Dude?"

Shino tilted his head slightly, allowing the sunlight to catch on his crooked glasses. "...Worth it."

Kiba smirked weakly. "Hell yeah."

-Breakline-

"Then again, maybe not. Good work today! See you tomorrow!" And with that, he disappeared in thin air leaving behind a cloud of smoke and three groaning genin.

"Seriously... Oh, well. Who wants to go to eat at Ichiraku? My treat!" Seems like Naruto had been receiving extras at each mission's payment.

"... My sisters wait for me at home." Sasuke replied, before weakly coming back to his feet and walking away. Naruto was impressed. He hadn't brushed him off as rudely as he had done before.

"I should probably get going too. Ino invited me at lunch at her home." That was one thing that she was glad of. Ever since the 'incident', Sakura and Ino had managed to restore a bit of their past friendship, even if their rivalry was still in place. Also, with the news about Sasuke's 'beliefs', they decided a truce until they found out how to break him out of his anti-sex shell. "See you tomorrow, Naruto. And remember, we're gonna start experimenting..."

"Handjobs. I know, I know." Naruto waved at Sakura and then turned around, sighing about his unjust fate that had given him what he wanted, only in a perverted, distorted way. "Well, I guess that it's Ichiraku again."

-Breakline-

"Ayame, are you feeling okay? You've seemed awfully subdued for the last few days."

Ayame sighed wistfully as she continued to scrub the floors behind the counter. Now seemed like as good a time as any to ask.

"Dad, how long have you ever managed to go without sex?"

To his credit, Teuchi only gave a small shudder at the question before reconfirming with himself that times were different now, and that for all he knew this was probably a very common question among kids these days, and he'd be damned if he were seen as the 'Uncool Parent' just because he was too close-minded. "Well, I did save my virginity until marriage, and I got married when I was twenty-two, although I suppose I can't count that entire time because I know there were plenty of instances where I needed to take matters into my own-"

"Actually," Ayame cut in. "I meant within the last fourteen years. How long have you managed to hold out before it became unbearable?"

Teuchi was pleased that he was turned away from the counter and his daughter, not allowing his red face to be seen. "Then I guess I'm not sure. There was one time where I didn't have any kind of sex at all for about five days, but that was mainly because I'd been stuck in bed with the flu... Do I dare question why you're asking me this all of a sudden?"

Wrapped up as they were in their own work, neither noticed when three young girls entered the stand.

"Remember what happened with Genma-san, that time? Well, it's just that ever since Naruto-kun and I had sex-"

And neither of them noticed the strangled cry that escaped Hinata's mouth one second before she collapsed in a heap.

"-I've noticed that I haven't really had the usual urges for it like I used to," she explained.

Teuchi stopped stirring the pot of noodles to look down at his daughter. "He was THAT bad?"

Ayame looked confused. "What? Oh! No no, he was wonderful!"

Hanabi and Hotaru, who had been trying to get Hinata back to her feet, suddenly stopped to listen.

"I mean sure, the first two times were a bit awkward, but that's only natural when it's someone's first time, right?"

"Sure," Teuchi muttered, unconsciously dumping in a bit more spice than was necessary.

"But by the third time, he had really started to get the hang of it."

Hanabi quirked her eyebrow while Hotaru felt her face heat up.

"And then, by the time we got to the fifth round he was like a seasoned pro. He probably could have even kept going but by then I was just exhausted and one of the neighbours had come over to complain about the noise-"

Teuchi began deliberating on whether it would be wise to kill his most valued customer. Having sex to quell the urges was one thing, but showing off so flagrantly like that was simply unnecessary, especially with his little girl. At the same time, Hanabi and Hotaru managed to hoist the prone Hinata up between them, and silently made their way out of the restaurant just as another customer walked in.

"N-Naruto-san... He..." _Then Hinata-san has a rival in love? The act of love making implies..._

"No wonder sis likes that weirdo."

"I think I might like that weirdo," the man heard the two girls whisper to each other, which caused a grumble to escape his throat as he took a seat at the counter.

"But I'm getting side-tracked, aren't I?" Ayame asked.

"Just a little bit," Teuchi confirmed.

"Well anyway, like I was saying: That night with Naruto was one of the last times I had sex with anyone."

That news caught the full attention of both men in the room. Teuchi turned back to his daughter in wide-eyed surprise. "You mean you've actually gone without sex for..." He trailed off to do a quick calculation. "Almost a month!"

The girl nodded. "Well, not entirely; I've done it a few times with Naruto again since then, and there were a couple of times where I did it with others, but it was just to help them out, not because I needed to. And the strangest part is I've felt perfectly fine the entire time. I mean, every now and then the urge for sex will come up, but they haven't been nearly as powerful as they usually are. They were more like... wants instead of needs, you know? Heck, just yesterday I actually turned a few boys down because I had too much other work to get done at the time."

The newcomer promptly stood back up and headed for the door, catching Teuchi's attention as he did.

"Ah, Sir, you're not ordering?"

Danzo slowly turned to face him, an unfamiliar grin appearing on his scarred face. "Some other time, perhaps. I'm afraid something much more important has just come up."

Teuchi gestured to the door behind him. "Well we've got a spare room if it's urgent."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT-!" Danzo choked back the rest of his words and silently stormed away, leaving the father and daughter to briefly wonder what his problem was.

-Breakline-

"This is quite the interesting find," Danzo mumbled to himself, having returned to his office. Here he'd been spending all his time fearing the Uzumaki Naruto would be the decided downfall of Konoha and all its people. But if what the girl was saying were true... He'd have to run a few tests if he wanted to know for sure, but if his hunch was correct, then...

He chuckled deeply. "Uzumaki Naruto, you just might be the key I've been looking for to save this decadent village from itself."

-Breakline-

"So... Once again, we're here."

"Yeah." Kakashi nodded as the Hokage pulled out again the scroll of D Rank missions.

"Don't even THINK about it." Surprisingly, this wasn't Naruto but his pale team-mate. His twitching forehead and homicidal gaze convinced the elder ninjas in the room that it was probably time to stop with D-Rank missions. "Give us yet another mission which involves an housewife and this orange moron getting it on with them and what Itachi did will look like charity."

"... I guess... You have earned enough experience." The Hokage commented as he discarded the scroll and picked up the one containing C missions. "Well... I guess I can give you a C-Rank. An escort mission of a certain personality."

"Alright! Finally some action!" This was Naruto's comment, who trusted his right fist into the air at the prospect of finally doing something ninja-like. The first weeks had been eventful, but hardly what he thought a ninja life would be like. "So, who is it? A daimyo? A princess?"

"Calm down, Naruto. We're going to call him in." Iruka turned in the direction of a door on the left side of the room. "Mister Tazuna, you can come in." Iruka voiced. They waited a few seconds. Nothing happened. "... Mister Tazuna, you can come in!" Iruka replied, with his voice a bit louder than before. "... Mister Tazuna?"

"Freaking... I'm here!" The door suddenly was thrown to the side with a loud sound, and the team and the various other ninjas in the room were suddenly met with the visage of an old man trying to adjust his clothes, quite flushed and sweaty, and they bet it wasn't because of the bottle of sake strapped to his belt, if his hand held protectively over his crotch was any indication. "... How the hell do you manage to live in this village?"

"... Huh?" Iruka replied, feeling like the interlocutor since he had been the one to call for the man.

"I've spent... The last hour... In a bathroom." Tazuna started talking, separating his words angrily. "No matter how I did it, no matter how many times I did it- I swear I'm starting to chafe-" That earned a disgusted face from both Sakura and Sasuke. "IT JUST. WON'T. STAY. DOWN!"

"... Ehm... Yes. First time visitors... Can react quite violently... To the pheromone." Iruka admitted, scratching his nose and it seemed that the submissive attitude was enough to make Tazuna realized that he was the center of attention. He recovered and coughed into his right fist.

"... Whatever. Introductions." He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the members of Team 7, half of which was now observing him warily. "My name is Tazuna, the bridge-builder. You'll be protecting me until I complete my next work."

"Hmm... Where to, mister client?" Kakashi asked, knowing that the mission probably meant a field trip.

"The Wave Country." The Jounin nodded and then turned to his team.

"Well, seems like we're going to be travelling quite a bit. Go back home and pack supplies for a week. And don't forget protection." Naruto understood immediately that he didn't meant body armour. Well, metallic body armour. "You've got one hour. So, no quickies with your town loves unless you're positive you can be on time."

"Yeah, yeah..." Naruto replied and turned around, walking out of the room, followed suit by a 'tsk-ing' Sakura who realized that travelling may fuck up her training schedule, and Sasuke had already long disappeared from the room.

-Breakline-

Knock, knock, knock.

Hinata gasped in surprise, nearly falling off her bed. She had been so lost in a fantasy of Naruto holding her, undressing her, tying her up and spanking her until she called him Hokage-sama that she hadn't even thought to activate her Byakugan to see if anyone might be nearby.

Jumping up, she stuffed her Fantasies Diary and a tiny plushy doll that looked suspiciously like the aforementioned boy under her mattress, straightened her outfit and prayed her face wasn't as flushed as it felt. Opening the door, she was a bit surprised to find her sister Hanabi and cousin Hotaru, both looking downcast.

"Hanabi-chan? Hotaru-chan? I-I..."

Hanabi kept her gaze on the floor. "Hi, oneesan. Um... Could we come in?"

Surprise turned to shock. Hanabi almost never wanted to spend time with her unless it was absolutely necessary. Hotaru wasn't much better, choosing instead to follow Hanabi or Neji around. But judging by their matching subdued attitudes, something must really be wrong.

"O-of course," she said, stepping to the side. "Please come in."

Once in the room, the three girls sat down on the bed. Hanabi still refused to look at anything other than the floor while Hotaru diverted her gaze between the floor and her cousins, which only reaffirmed Hinata's assumption that something was wrong.

"We didn't want to go to our parents," Hanabi explained after a few moments of silence. "Father would probably just freak out and stuff, you know? And Uncle Hizashi would probably end up telling Father anyway, and Auntie Hiroko has been out all day, and we really need to talk to someone now. So we figured we'd come to you first, but… Well, you probably won't want to hear it…"

Though inwardly she was a bit worried, Hinata was also rather proud that the younger girls had chosen to confide in her, even as a last resort. She smiled her best big-sister smile and placed a supportive hand on Hanabi's shoulder. "Of course I'll listen, Hanabi-chan. Please tell me what's bothering you."

Hanabi and Hotaru shared a glance, then smiled back in gratitude at Hinata. "Okay then," Hotaru started. "Um… You know how you and Neji-niisan have both... Er, had the Change?"

Color flooded Hinata's face. "I-I-I... W-well..."

"And how the two of us are getting really close to reaching the age of consent and all that ourselves?" Hanabi added.

And then it all drained away, leaving her face more ghostly white than her eyes.

"Well… Yesterday afternoon I started having these feelings-"

Oh God oh God oh God!

"And when I mentioned it to Hotaru-nee she told me that she had been feeling it as well-"

Both girls jumped in surprise as Hinata stood up and began pacing frantically around her room.  
How could this be happening? Hotaru had just barely turned thirteen, Hanabi was still twelve; this sort of thing shouldn't be happening already, should it? Well, now that she thought about it, the Change had hit her at twelve as well, so maybe it wasn't that shocking, but even so...

This was not good at all; Father still hadn't fully gotten over when the pheromone's effect had hit her, and even she knew that he thought more of Hanabi than he did of her. If he found out about this he was going to start drinking again, and he'd probably start doing foolish things like he had last time, like plotting to overthrow the Fire Daimyo or-!

"Um, oneesan?"

Hinata shook her head, clearing out the bad thoughts. She took several deep breaths and sat herself back down between the two younger girls. "O-okay…" she started once she'd calmed herself a little. "Well I-I er... T-that is, I'm sure it must have been a... A f-frightening thing to experience for the first time, b-but it's okay. It's a perfectly natural part of growing up, you see?"

"Yeah, we know all about that part," Hotaru stated. "What we want to know is what we're supposed to do."

"…W-w-what?"

"Well, after talking and realizing that we were both going through the same thing, we started…" Her breath hitched in what sounded like a small hiccup. "We started doing stuff together. You know, touching each other and stuff, because it felt good."

Oh Dear Merciful Gods! Her younger sister and cousin were lesbians with each other! Father would never stop drinking if he heard this! Hell, SHE might not be able to stop drinking from hearing it!

Hanabi picked up where Hotaru left off. "Yeah, but nothing seemed to help and it just made the feelings worse, so we figured we must be doing it wrong. That's why we came to you, oneesan."

"I-I-I-"

"We were hoping that maybe you could… Show us how to do it properly?"

That was definitely the last straw, as Hinata fainted dead away. The two younger girls stared down at her, then at each other. Then they both burst out laughing.

"That was perfect!" Hotaru gasped through her laughter.

"Yeah, but you almost ruined it, laughing like that."

"I couldn't help it! Did you see the look on nee-sama's face?" Hotaru giggled some more before remembering something. "By the way, Hanabi-chan, what's the... Change?"

"... I really have to start explaining the jokes to you. Seriously, the worst voyeur clan in Konoha and you don't... How's that possible?" Hanabi muttered as once again she was shocked at just how clueless Hotaru had stayed about mostly everything. She went with her proposal of jokes each time, but she didn't get them. Still she got her giggles out of the reactions of their poor victims, but she didn't understand why they reacted like that.

_Whatever. She's probably going through her change soon enough. I've seen her react a bit more strongly to the love scenes in that mushy book of hers, so, no harm in telling her the details beforehand. I'm tired of her not appreciating the subtle art of toying with someone's mind. She's got potential..._ With that thought in Hanabi's mind, the two lifted Hinata back onto her bed and left the room. In the hall, the spotted Neji, looking lost in thought and a little pale.

"Niisan," Hotaru greeted, knocking him out of his thoughts.

"Hanabi-sama, Hotaru," he replied. "How are you?"

The girls shared a look, before Hotaru spoke again. "Actually, niisan, I was wondering if we could… Talk to you about something."

-Breakline-

"Sasuke-sama is going to explore exotic lands, finally!" Sasuke pretty much ignored his sister's jokes as he checked for the last time of having packed everything he needed, being in a slightly better mood than usual. Mostly because a C-Rank mission meant real usage of his skills, being away from that accursed village and finally, it also meant that his hormones would get a break. "Try not to open a remote branch of the Uchiha Clan while you're travelling!"

"Don't worry. There's no such danger." He simply replied, before grabbing his backpack and turning around, taking in the visage of his sister on a saturday, and as such, a day off of school. He could only hope that his eyebrows would get a break as well. He frowned so much that it wasn't funny. "Sorano, what did I tell you about what clothes to wear indoors?"

"Oh, come on, now you're just getting ridiculous." Sorano rolled her eyes and raised his hands to the sky, in exasperation, leaving the room ahead of her older brother. The cause of Sasuke's annoyance was that Sorano was still wearing her nightwear, and that even that was short, pink and with frills. The bunny slippers didn't help much on that matter.

"What if someone suddenly comes visiting?" The two descended the stairs heading to the kitchen, Sorano walking in front of Sasuke. The girl just snorted in unlady like laughter.

"Yeah, right. Like our zombie relatives and your numerous friends who just decided to invite themselves in because-"

"And then he shouted 'You broke the last good one!' and started attacking me again."

"Ahahahah. I'm sorry, but I have no idea what he was referring to, Naruto-san." Only to both froze as they walked in the kitchen to a familiar voice and a familiar face, sitting at the table with Shina serving him tea and Kohana sitting on the other side of the table listening to him talk. They noticed their entrance and abrupt stop and turned in their direction.

"Oy, Sasuke. You rea..."

"DON'T LOOK!" With a speed earned through years of being the male parent figure and ninja training, Sasuke jumped on Naruto and lowered the blonde's forehead protector over his eyes, before turning to Sorano. "YOU! GO CHANGE!"

"... Sasuke, what the hell?" Naruto replied neutrally, confused by the whole thing and not really up to pronounce obscenities in front of people he had just met unless he was really, really pissed.

"THAT'S MY LINE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOME?"

"Sasuke, where are your manners!" Shina admonished her brother, a disapproving look digging into Sasuke's face. "Your team-mate had finished packing early and decided to come wait for you."

"And he was telling us funny stories!"

"... How the hell do you know where I live?" Sasuke asked, not having discarded yet the 'stalker' hypothesis. Naruto raised his forehead protector from one of his eyes, to stare at Sasuke's face, to check if he was serious. Then it hit him. "... Right. Uchiha district." Sighing, he removed his hands from Naruto's face, allowing the blonde to place his forehead protector back into place. He turned around... "YOU'RE STILL HERE?"

"But brother, you want me to disappear without saying hi to your team-mate?" Sorano chuckled as she stressed the word 'team-mate'. Sasuke had carefully avoided to disclose the identities of his two team-members, and she now understood why. She skipped to an halt in front of Naruto who was straightening his clothes, leaning forward and grinning at Naruto, much to her brother's anger. While Sasuke didn't look, she had also opened the first two buttons of her nighty. "Hi! Nice to see you again!"

"See you again?" Shina mouthed, then she remembered a recent conversation they had had a certain morning. "Oh, my." Then it hit her.

"Ahh, nice to see you too... Sorano, right?" Naruto immediately got back up from his chair, not sparing more than a glance at the exposed cleavage. He may have given in to the pleasures of flesh, but he wasn't peeping yet. No sir. He couldn't help the slight flush, though. "Saturday. Day off the academy, right?"

"Yep. I think I'm gonna spend it working out." Sorano mock-pouted and then turned around, leaning forward as to expose the curve of her ass, a hand leaning on it. "Lately, I fear I might have put on some weight... My butt isn't too big, right?"

"... Ehm... Not that I..."

"I'M READY, WE'RE LEAVING! BE BACK DON'T KNOW WHEN! BYE!" A livid Sasuke started pushing a flustered Naruto out of his home shouting at the top of his lungs, much to his sisters' amusement, even if Shina would later admonish Sorano about not giving her brother aneurysms.

"R-Right! Bye, Sorano-chan, Kohana-chan, Shina-ch... Ouff!"

"Ah!"

"What the... Move! M... Oh!" In the rush, Sasuke hadn't checked where he was pushing Naruto and in the end the blonde had ended up colliding with someone and tripping the person, falling face first on top of the victim. Groaning, Naruto pushed himself up.

"Gh... Sasuke, what the hell? You made me bump into... Huh." The blonde had just realized that the person he had bumped into was a person he knew, who was currently staring up at him with a neutral expression. "... Ehm... Ileyana-chan, right?"

"... Naruto-san."

"GET THE HELL OFF OF HER!" Sasuke pulled him the back of his clothes, chocking him and allowing Ileyana to stand up.

"WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT?" Before he could make another retort, Sasuke had already started dragging him away. Naruto's own rant was interrupted as she observed Ileyana who was currently in the process of dusting herself off. "Huh. She's growing her hair? She looks bet... ACK!"

Ileyana observed the ensuing verbal and physical fight a bit more till the two disappeared from her sight and then brought a hand to one lock of hair on her forehead. Indeed she had been letting her hair grow. They still weren't long, but they weren't so short that she could easily be mistaken for a boy any more. For good effect, she had also dropped wearing the bandanna. "... So he's Sasuke's team-mate."

"Indeed! Doesn't that bode well for your engagement?" The short haired girl prepared a glare that was laid down on Sorano automatically as she turned around to try and intimidate her chuckling twin. "Ah, come on, don't be like that. So what if you're interested in a boy?"

"I'm not." Ileyana stated and walked past Sorano back in the house.

"Hmm... Then I guess you won't mind if I play with him a bit." Ileyana stopped abruptly as she turned around again. Sorano just shrugged. "What? It's the first guy Sasuke can't possibly avoid to keep around, and I need to verify if my tactics work on older people. If you want, you can help. You sure could use the practice."

"... Whore." Ileyana just replied and walked into the kitchen, earning a raised eyebrow from Sorano. She didn't let up their banters so easily. That's when the microscopic paperbomb stuck to her chin exploded.

"... Well played, bitch. Well played."

-Breakline-

"They still aren't here?"

"They still have ten minutes, Sakura." Kakashi and Sakura had already packed and arrived at the front gate along with their client, who seemed restless and eager to leave the village, not that anyone could blame him. The pheromone was a good deterrent for enemies, since there was no known way to stop the pheromone's effect from affecting anyone. "Oh, there they are."

"We're ready, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto grumbled, and then glared at the last male Uchiha, who just glared back. Judging from the black eye Naruto was sporting and the bruises on Sasuke's arms, the two had gotten into a fight on the way there.

"Good to see you're so lively. Said your goodbyes?" His team nodded and Kakashi mimicked their actions before turning to the gates which were opening for them. "Alright! Team 7 Rank C Mission! Start!"

_To be continued..._

_In the next chapter:_

First C Rank mission for Team 7 and first time for everyone but Kakashi out of the village. Expect disappointments from Sasuke, schemes from Sakura, hilarity from Kakashi. And Naruto... Let's just say that he's starting to make a name for himself. Stay tuned!


	8. Chapter 7

**Sexplosion**

**Chapter 7: If nothing he's coherent**

"Really? Four sisters?"

"Yeah." After getting over the excitement of leaving the village for the first time, the group plus client had fallen into a normal travelling pace, Kakashi and Sasuke walking in front and Sakura and Naruto behind Tazuna, which earned Sakura an opportunity to ask Naruto just why he and Sasuke had such a physical fight, which brought up the subject of the blonde's visit to the Uchiha's home and meeting all the Uchiha siblings.

"How were they? Were they any similar to Sasuke-kun?" Naruto thought about the question for a split second before shaking his head.

"Not really. Kohana-chan was really cheerful. Ileyana-chan was pretty quiet, but not in the broody way like Sasuke. Sorano-chan..." He flushed slightly at the memery. "Well, she's different. As for Shina-chan, she's the older sister type... Though..."

"Though?" Naruto's memory travelled back to when he had arrived at Sasuke's home, knocked and Shina had come to open the door...

-Breakline-

"Ahh, so you're one of Sasuke's team-mates. Pleased to make your acquaintance. I'm Shina." The girl introduced herself as she bowed to Naruto slightly. The blonde on his part nodded.

"I'm Naruto... But... I mean..." He then started counting on his fingers, and Shina understood.

"We're four sisters in all. Me, Sorano and Ileyana are triplets, while Kohana is younger then us of a few years." Naruto stopped counting and grinned sheepishly.

"Heee... Thanks for clearing that up for me." As the blonde thanked her, Shina had noticed how his grin accentuated the deepness of those strange marks on his cheeks.

They looked like the whiskers of a cat, or a fox. Yeah, definitely a fox. They looked so cute... She wondered how they felt to the touch, if they were just on his skin or they were like scars. She so would have liked to bring her fingers to them and brush them, see if maybe he was ticklish from them. She could also picture him squinting his eyes, making them look even more like whiskers. That would be even cut...

"S-Shina-chan?" Naruto's voice broke Shina's daydreams only to find out that she had probably confused them with reality a bit. As she followed her arms, she found them trailing up and towards Naruto's face, where her fingers where still rubbing the six birthmarks on Naruto's cheeks, which had gotten an healthy pink colour, and their owner's stare was nothing but bewildered.

"Ahhh... Sorry! I did it again!" It was Shina's turn to laugh sheepishly as she retracted her hands and then moved to the side, allowing passage to Naruto. "Please, come inside. May I offer you something while you wait for Sasuke?"

"... Sure." Naruto was not really sure what had just transpired.

-Breakline-

"... Nah, it's nothing." He commented, dismissing Sakura's curiosity but not his own. Seemed like while the Uchiha sisters weren't assholish like their older brother, they still were peculiar each one in their own way. The youngest one was wearing spandex in the house. He decided to change subject completely. "Aren't you excited, Sakura? Our first real mission!"

"Hmm... I guess..." Sakura said, a bit apprehensive. She had been the one to ask Kakashi about the eventuality of meeting foreign ninjas during the mission and had been reassured, but she was still a bit nervous. "Though... You know, I wonder about the pheromone's effect."

"Huh? What do you mean?" It didn't concern him that much, but the way she had phrased it made him curious.

"Kakashi-sensei." Sakura recalled her sensei's attention again, who raised his gaze from the orange book ever so slightly to signal she had it. "Now that we're out of Konoha, what will happen to... Well, our situations?"

"Hmm, good question, Sakura." Kakashi nodded as he flipped to the next page of his book and giggled pervertedly right after. "To answer your question, no, our... Situation won't change even if we're out of the village." No one noticed Sasuke's back stiffening.

"Why is that? I mean... Since we're not in the village again, the pheromone shouldn't be affecting us any more, right?" Kakashi nodded.

"Correct, Sakura. There's the problem though, that the pheromone isn't like... Some kind of drug you run out of. It it was just that, we would have just relocated the village elsewhere, as costly as that can be. Also, we would suffer from heavy withdrawal. The pheromone affects the people in Konoha on a deeper level. Genetically." The Jounin explained, and Sasuke felt his legs about to give out.

"Gene... What?" Naruto asked, and Sakura groaned.

"It means that the pheromone changes the way people's bodies work, Naruto." Kakashi nodded.

"Correct. A temporary exposure like the one of Tazuna-san makes the effect brief, but when you are constantly exposed to it 24/7 for the first fourteen years of your life, or you get a full concentrated blast of it like the Kyuubi did on that night..." Kakashi shook his head. "That's why there's a rule that prohibits outsiders from staying in Konoha for more than an year unless they plan on moving. That's the time limit."

"Hmm... Understood." Naruto nodded as he collected the information. It didn't change much for him, but he guessed that now he would have to act accordingly to the reputation of Konoha from time to time. If someone noticed that he was immune to the pheromone, they could start connecting the dots, and that was something that he really didn't want to happen.

On the other hand, Sasuke was damning the day the Uchiha had been born in the village of Konoha. All his hopes for the future had been destroyed. He would carry on that damned curse and have to suppress down those damned urges all his life. And if what Kakashi had said was true, then, when his sisters were of age... An urge to stab himself in the forehead and finish it surged as he thought of Kohana eventually becoming of age.

That was the moment the two ninjas attacked, jumping out of the puddle on the side of the road, the chain immediately wrapping around Kakashi who was laughing at Sasuke's own discomfort. Naruto and Sakura gasped and the latter immediately grabbed onto the client, unceremoniously throwing him to the ground behind her. Sasuke stayed immobile. "One less." Then they jumped and landed just behind Sasuke. "Here's the second one!"

"H-Hey! Sasuke!" Naruto immediately rushed forward, panicking as he saw his rival not doing anything to protect himself...

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Or so he thought. He screeched to a halt as Sasuke suddenly turned around, grabbed onto the heads of his two attackers and smashed them together. The two's heads made metallic sounds because of their protections and then they fell to the ground, smoke coming out of two big bumps. Sasuke then approached a nearby tree and started stabbing at it with a kunai. "Damn village, damn stupid clan, damn stupid sexual reproduction..."

"... Alright. That was weird." Kakashi commented as he reappeared behind Sakura, scaring the hell out of the pink-haired girl. "But I guess it's to be expected."

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto called to him as he had gotten on his knees and started poking the passed out ninjas with his right index finger. "What are we going to do with them?"

"Hmm, let's tie them to a tree and then wake them up. I want to interrogate them." _Since because of Sasuke I couldn't understand who they were after..._

-Breakline-

"So, who were you after?" Kakashi's question was met with silence. "Come on, I really need to know. Pretty please?" Again, silence. This time they also turned their heads to the sides. "Hmm, tough guys. Alright, it's the time for threatening!"

"Hmph. Do your worst." One of the ninja scoffed at Kakashi's cheerful menace.

"We're from Kirigakure, the most bloody village in history." The other said with a chuckle. "I doubt you Konoha ninjas have trained into torture as much as the torturers that trained us to resist it."

"Hmm, we'll see about it." Kakashi said with a nod, before turning around. "Yo, Naruto. Little help here."

"Huh? Me?" The genin pointed at himself, earning himself a nod of confirmation from Kakashi. He slowly walked to Kakashi's side, confused. "But Kakashi-sensei, I don't really know anything interrogation."

"It's alright, just do what I tell you to do." Kakashi dismissed his worries with the wave of one hand before turning to the Demon Brothers again. By now I can use the real names, come on. "Now, if you don't talk, he's going to beat you up."

"Ah! That's the worst you can do?" The eldest brother replied. Kakashi leaned over and whispered something in Naruto's left ear. The genin nodded and crossed his index and middle fingers.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" With several puffs of smoke, ten more Naruto appeared behind the original and Kakashi, earning surprise from both the captives and the team's client.

"Now, if you don't talk, they're all going to beat you up. At the same time." Kakashi continued, chirpier than before. The two brothers seemed more nervous than before.

"... No. We won't talk." The younger brother said, which seemed to do wonders for his pal's resolve as well. Kakashi blinked and then sighed.

"You leave me no other choice..." He crossed his arms and turned to Naruto. "Naruto, you know what to do."

"Heh? You mean..." The Jounin just nodded, and Naruto whined. "But Kakashi-sensei... Also, it's not a do or die situation!"

"We need to get information out of them... Well, let's alter the rule, then." Kakashi smiled again as he raised one finger. "You can use it in do or die situations and when it's really useful to do so! Problem solved!"

"Problem solved my ass! I don't want to!"

"Naruto..." Kakashi narrowed his eye at the blonde, who just groaned.

"Oh, hell! Alright, alright!" Naruto dispelled the shadow clones before going into another set of seals. "Gangbang no Jutsu!"

"Eh?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"Long story, mister Tazuna." Sakura covered her face with her hands, leaving though her fingers open wide so that she could sneak a peek every now and then, and Sasuke lowered his forehead protector over his eyes as various 'puffs' resounded.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The two brothers gave a chilling scream as Naruto had calculated the apparition of his clones so that the two captives would find themselves staring at his clones' thong covered crotches, only a couple inches away from their faces. "WHAT THE HELL? STAY AWAY, YOU FREAK!"

"Nooow, if you don't talk... They're going to beat you up. Only..." Kakashi made a sign to Naruto to make the clones walk a bit forward. He pinched his nose and obeyed. The clones grimaced as well, and the demon brothers' mouths opened in a silent scream as the distance was almost reduced to zero, trying to bury the backs of their heads into the trunk of the tree they were tied to. "Well, no one has ever made a rule about having to use your hands or feet to..."

"THE OLD MAN! THE BRIDGE BUILDER! WE WERE AFTER THE DRUNKARD! WE TALKED! GET THEM THE HELL AWAY! GETTHEMAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" The two brothers shouted in unison, trying with all their might to get away from the jutsu enhanced crotches, at least they thought they were. Their pride wouldn't allow any other explanation.

Satisfied, Kakashi knocked them out again. He actually thought they would be thankful to him, though. Sighing, Naruto dispelled his clones. "Never ask me to do something like that again, Kakashi-sensei."

"Can't do promises I can't keep, sorry." Naruto slumped to the ground on his butt and groaned. "Now, mister Tazuna, what is it..."

"Keep the streaker boy away from me and I'll tell you everything." Tazuna immediately surrendered, much to Kakashi's amusement. Sakura turned around again and Sasuke uncovered his eyes again.

"... It's a dirty, shameless, perverted excuse of a ninja technique..." Sasuke said with a disapproving voice, which earned him a growl from Naruto. "But it's damn effective. That much I have to admit."

"... I guess." Naruto conceded as he let gravity do his job and drag his back to meet the ground. Seemed like Ayame were right. Battle and torture hardened shinobi with lots more experience than him had broken down with just an eyeful of crotch and a veiled threat of being beaten up with those same crotches. His jutsu may be embarrassing as hell for both himself and his opponents, but it worked like a charm.

-Breakline-

"I swear, I feel like a necrophile!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Shikamaru sighed as Ino dressed herself, lamenting about the outcome of the just finished sexual performance... On Ino's part. They had started C-Rank missions as well, or their urges just started acting during the middle of a D-Rank, and Ino had a precise plan of getting more experience than Sakura. There was the problem of available partners, though. Choji had this strange food fetish. The whipped cream and chocolate had been alright, but when they arrived to salami she had decided to cut if off.

Shikamaru was more normal but there was the slight problem that she always had to do all the work, since the boy incredibly managed to keep himself lazy even when his libido took hold of his body. Most of the time, she had to finish on herself later on.

"Seriously, what's with you?" Ino finished as she wrapped her bandages back into place. "I've seen rocks move more than you do! During sex, I mean!"

"... It always goes back up? What's the point?" Shikamaru yawned as he turned over onto his right side. "It's uncomfortable, but I endure worse with my mother's nagging."

"... Geez, you're Sasuke's polar opposite." Ino muttered, and she was kind of right. Sasuke's problem was that he thought too much about it, in a twisted sort of way, while Shikamaru didn't think of it at all. "Whatever. It's your problem... What's taking Choji so much, though?"

"Told me he was going to try something new. I guess he took a liking to it." The Akimichi had a habit of always bringing some kind of food or construct made out of food, like that time he had brought a dildo made of salami. It was the time she had decided Choji's fetish was a bit too much for her.

"Huh, something new? What?"

"A fleshlight." Ino blinked. It was unusual but... "Made of actual flesh." Ino gaped.

"... How... How is that..." Her hands started doing strange movements. "I mean, flesh... How does it..." Then something else hit her. "... He didn't plan to..."

"When has Choji not eaten something?" She gaped even more and then made some puking sounds.

"I think I'm gonna be sick..."

"Then I better not tell you about his masterpiece."

-Breakline-

"I still think that we shouldn't have kept on doing this mission..."

"Sakura-chan, we've been doing chores for weeks. This is the first mission where there's the prospective of us actually doing ninja stuff, and Sasuke's has ruined our first chance at action." Naruto continued as he pouted and the boat kept on trekking across the still waters. After Tazuna told them the whole truth, about him being the target of Gatou and the fact that indeed, he had ninja at his disposition to target him, they had still continued with their mission, mainly because Sasuke and Naruto wanted to, even if Kakashi took a bit of convincing. Tazuna promising him to introduce the Jounin to some of his cutest fellow citizens certainly helped. "So what if they're going to send other ninjas? We'll just kick their ass!"

"... You're pretty confident, huh? Easy for you to talk, when you've got that technique..." Sakura narrowed her eyes at Naruto, who flinched and laughed nervously. She let it go with a deep sigh. "Well... Nothing we can do about it now."

"We're here." The boat owner announced as the boat slowly made contact with the nearby shore. The group slowly made its way off the small boat, Kakashi being the last one to disembark. "Good luck, Tazuna."

"Yeah, thanks." The group started making its way through the misty forest. According to Tazuna they were almost arrived.

"Hmm... I wonder when they will attack again." Kakashi suddenly said out loud, for everyone to hear.

"Right. If they're ninja, they will surely try this again... With someone stronger." Sasuke said with a small smirk. Last time his depression had allowed him an easy win but deprived him of his chance of testing his skills. This time he would...

"DUCK!" He flinched and turned around glaring venomously.

"If it's a joke about my hair, I..."

"GET DOWN, DONALD!" Naruto threw himself over his black haired team-mate just in time for the huge rotating sword to pass over their heads and then embed itself into a nearby tree. When they raised their heads again they found someone standing on the flat of the blade. Pure badass.

"Huhu... I wondered what kind of ninja would have been able to take care of the Demon Brothers so easily..." The newly arrived ninja slowly turned his head to the side, staring down at them from his position, his gaze focused on Kakashi. "But if it's Kakashi of the Sharingan, it all adds up."

"S-Sharingan?" Sasuke muttered under his breath as Naruto let him get back on his feet.

"Hmm... Zabuza Momochi, the Demon of the Mist... Gatou sure knows how to hire, huh?" Kakashi sighed. This wasn't going to be an easy fight, it seemed. He moved his hand to his forehead protector, lifting it till it was back in a normal position. "You three, use the triangle formation and protect the client. This isn't an enemy you can take on."

"Ohh... I can see the fabled Sharingan. What a honour." Zabuza said mockingly, which earned only confusion from Naruto and Sakura, as the two found themselves staring at the strange ruby eye of Kakashi, noticing also the long scar over it.

"Sharingan... What's the Sharingan?" Naruto asked and as Sasuke went into explanations about its power, Zabuza was also trying to decipher something else. When he had sent someone to retrieve the Demon Brothers, he had found them utterly terrified and wary of anyone approaching them.

Of what he knew though, Hatake Kakashi was famous for knowing over a thousand techniques, but not for any kind of particularly scarring torture technique. Konoha was the most peaceful of the five villages, and it wasn't known for having a particularly extended culture on torture and interrogation.

_Whatever. I can always ask him after I cut off all his limbs._ "Alright. Listen, would you mind handing over that old man to me?" As a reaction, the three genin jumped into position, protecting Tazuna in the intended formation. "Hm. Then I will just have to take care of all of you."

-Breakline-

As the battle progressed, watchful eyes observed it develop, not without apprehension, since their enemy was a very famous and strong ninja. It was a shame that the Demon Brothers had been out of it... Really out of it... Ok, they didn't let anyone touch them unless they were wearing three layers of clothes.

Because of that they couldn't get any information on who they had fought or its skills. While they knew of the Sharingan and Kakashi's reputation, they had never seen it in action. Hopefully Zabuza would be careful, and if push came to stove, there was always the reserve plan. He doubted the missing nin wanted to become like the Demon Brothers.

"... Good job, Zabuza-sama." The missing nin had just managed to trap Kakashi with the water prison technique, leaving the three genin to face his water clone alone.

-Breakline-

"M-My forehead protector..."

"Huhuhu..." The Zabuza clone laughed at Naruto's predicament as he stepped on his forehead protector and dug it into the dirt under his feet. "Pitiful."

"You have to run! There's a distance limit to the water clone technique, and while he keeps me trapped like this, he can't move!" Kakashi shouted as he recognized the serious predicament they were into. "Your main objective right now is to protect the client! Get on with the mission!"

"... Kakashi-sensei..." Naruto said, gritting his teeth, and Sasuke wasn't faring much better. He had wanted a fight to test his skills, but this was ridiculous.

"Ahahahah. That all you can tell them to do? Run away?" Zabuza, the real one, laughed at Kakashi's words. "Guess it's to be expected. Fresh genins out of a peaceful village who degraded itself further in the last fourteen years..." That got the attention of Naruto again, as the clone continued for its owner. "A settlement filled with whores and losers..."

"HEY! TAKE THAT BACK!" Naruto got back on his feet in a flash, rage evident in his eyes. Sasuke was still wary even if he agreed a bit with the missing nin. Sakura was broke out of her fear by Naruto's sudden outburst. "I WON'T ALLOW YOU TO TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT MY VILLAGE! AND MY FRIENDS!"

Mostly, he was angry about him calling Ayame a whore, even if indirectly. Zabuza just chuckled darkly, amused. "Oooh? And just what is a genin like you going to do about it?"

"This GENIN has already sent three men into therapy in two months of active duty! All chunin level ninjas!" That actually made Zabuza raise a shaved eyebrow. "Yeah, that's right! I'm the one who scarred your men for life!"

"... Hehehe. Interesting." If what the kid said was true, he was curious as to his skills. He raised his leg from Naruto's forehead protector and then kicked it back towards the blonde genin, who swiftly caught it with one hand. "Then, show me... But I must warn you, I'm on a whole other level, compared to the demon brothers."

"Ain't gonna do you much good." As Naruto tied his forehead protector back into place, he thought about the situation. Like when he fought Kakashi-sensei, he bet nor his Kage Bunshin nor his Gangbang no jutsu would do him much good... Unless he managed to surprise him. "Sasuke, I've got a plan."

"Naruto! Didn't you hear Kakashi-sensei? We have to run!" Sakura shouted as she kept herself in front of Tazuna.

"A plan?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow. He wasn't just going to create Naked duplicates of himself and try to overwhelm Zabuza with it? He 'hmph'-ed. "Coming from you, it's surprising."

"Sasuke-kun, not you too!" Sakura turned to their client, trying to find some sort of support from the older man. "Tazuna-san!"

"... Well, it's kind of my fault for not being truthful... So, I guess that I can't really ask to retreat, can I?" The man replied, earning a groan from Sakura. "So, give it all you've got, boys."

"Alright... Let's do this! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" The clearing was suddenly filled with Naruto clones, who immediately armed themselves with Kunai.

"Hmm... Not bad." The clone conceded as he grabbed his enormous sword just as the clones jumped to dogpile on him. "But not good enough!" With an ample swing the missing nin knocked away a big number of them away before he started hacking away at the others. When he last one disappeared.

"Take this!" He turned around to see Sasuke high in the air, about to throw an oversized shuriken at him.

"Huh. Do you really think that will work?" The clone commented as Sasuke let the thrown weapon fly, but not towards him.

"Oh... I understand." The real Zabuza commented as the Shuriken went flying towards him instead of the clone. "Though, it's still too amateurish... Huh?" Just as he grabbed the thrown shuriken out of thin air, a second one appeared out of its shadow. "A second shuriken hidden in the first's shadow?"

_The shadow shuriken technique!_ Kakashi thought. Now Zabuza had both arms occupied, and he only had a fraction of second before the Shuriken went to cut his stomach.

_Heh? They did it?_ Sakura thought in amazement only to get shocked as the missing nin jumped over the shuriken. "No! It was so close!" She moaned, turning to Sasuke and Naruto... Only to find them smirking. "What...!"

Turning back towards the lake, she saw the shadow shuriken morph into a Naruto. It had been the real one transformed all along, everyone immediately understood, including Zabuza as he landed back onto the water. "Ah!" And then the kunai Naruto was holding went flying towards him. The missing nin cursed as he saw the projectile weapon sailing towards his head. He would have to let go of Kaka... "It's not over yet! Kawarimi no Jutsu!"

"Eh?"

"Huh?"

"... What?" Even Sasuke was surprised by this. When Naruto had launched himself at him morphed into a fuuma shuriken, he had understood his plan, but he had missed this part... And then he gasped.

"... What... The..." And Zabuza's eyes bulged out of it's sockets as he observed Naruto substitute himself with the Kunai, and then found out just that Naruto had used also another jutsu. "FUCK?"

"CROSS OUT NO JUTSU!" To anyone not having ever read that particular jutsu scroll, it will come as a surprise knowing that the Gangbang no Jutsu is actually a combination of two Jutsu, one of those being the Kage Bunshin even if it wasn't described as such in the scroll. The second step in learning the technique is combining it with the technique learned in the first step, the Cross Out (Strip) Technique. By expelling chakra from various points on the body, the user can instantly discard all his clothes sans his underwear. Combined with the Kage Bunshin, it creates thong-wearing clones.

"AHHHH!" That was how Zabuza found himself with a faceful of genin boxer covered crotch, which unlike the Kunai, he couldn't dodge because of the surprise in being attacked in such a fashion. The two, Naruto literally still in Zabuza's face, skidded across the water under the bewildered stares of all the spectators of the fight before they reached the shore, Zabuza head first, Naruto landing on his feet with a backflip.

-Breakline-

"Z-ZABUZA-SAMA?" Attentive eyes had been shocked and then right down horrified as they observed the line of events that transpired on that lake.

-Breakline-

"Huh... Strange. Shouldn't I be shouting out in pain, right now?" Naruto said as he poked his crotch, wondering while the action he had just undertaken hadn't left him in a painfully sobbing wreck. He had just attacked someone with his family jewels, after all. "Maybe the Cross Out technique also automatically protects my lower parts with chakra? Hmm... I didn't read the description fully..."

"NARUTOOOOO! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?" The blonde turned around to find Sasuke glaring and shouting at him, his hands making strangling noises. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO?"

"... I just knocked someone unconscious with my crotch?" Naruto replied, flushing a little and grinning sheepishly. Sasuke just gargled and started making now incoherent sounds of rage as he started foaming at the mouth. Naruto then brought his stare to Sakura who, along with Tazuna, was just staring at him, their jaws embedded into the ground. He then turned back to the twitching Zabuza who was, though, starting to move and raise himself from the ground. "Oh, no, you don't! Gangbang no Jutsu!"

"Uggh... Kill the fucking kid... Huh?" Zabuza came back to and immediately felt himself surrounded by various presences. He raised his head and again, his eyes left their normal positions and shape as he laid them on the circle of thong-wearing with the exception of the original wearing frog boxers Narutos.

"LET'S GET HIM!"

"THE HELL YOU ARE!" Zabuza dove for the water in front of him and swam past the clones and away from them. "WHAT THE HELL? WHAT KIND OF FREAK NINJAS DO THEY TRAIN IN KONOHA? I... AAAAAAAAH!"

"GET BACK HERE!" As Zabuza turned around to see what the kid was up to, he found that Naruto was a good swimmer too as he and his clones were swimming after him and rapidly gaining ground... Well, closing the distance.

"LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU FREAK!" Zabuza renewed his efforts.

"I'M GONNA GET YOU!" And so did the Narutos. The whole thing turned into some kind of game of tag, with Zabuza swimming in circles inside the lake and Naruto and his clones giving chase.

Tazuna was observing the situation torn between disgusted and happy for having escaped death once again. Sakura was covering her face, ashamed. Sasuke was about to choke on his own foam and Kakashi was finishing collecting Naruto's clothes from the waters while observing the amusing spectacle.

"Sigh... It seems that that scroll ended up in the right hands, after all." Kakashi sighed as he squeezed the bundle of clothes and then threw them into the air and then planted them on a tree on the shore using kunai. "I guess it's time to finish this before Zabuza gets his cool back."

-Breakline-

Hypnotized by the spectacle that was taking place, the mask-wearing youth was frozen in place, jaw hanging from under the porcelain piece as Zabuza kept on running in circles, followed by the troop of near naked blondes. All the while, various question started to surface in a now bamboozled mind: who thought him those techniques? Why would they teach him those techniques? Why was Zabuza-sama not reacting but running in circles, making a fool out of himself?

The shock-induced paralysis was broken when Kakashi joined the fight again, using a water jutsu to generate an enormous tidal wave which dispelled all the strange clones of the Konoha genin and sent the two swimmers flying in different directions. He finished it up by planting kunai in Zabuza's tights. "... It's my chance."

-Breakline-

"You will die, Zabuza... Huh." Kakashi was about to deliver the killing blow when someone beat him to the punch, if the two senbon sticking through the missing nin's neck were any indication.

"Paaah!" Naruto finally returned to the water's surface and coughing, he swam back to the shore. "Geez, Kakashi-sensei... A little warning next time, maybe... Huh?"

"Huhuhu... You were right. He really died." Wiping the water off his eyes and face, Naruto turned in the direction of the new voice. Someone, a kid, around his own age, was standing atop a three branch, a mask covering his features and his hair done in a bun. The words he pronounced then went through Naruto's mind and he turned to Zabuza, finding him horizontal on the ground.

"He... He killed him?" He shook his head from side to side to clear what he could of the water in his hair before walking to Kakashi's side, who had just checked Zabuza's pulse.

"Hmm... You know, kill-stealing is not very nice." The Jounin mused as he stared down the kid. "But I guess that's what hunter nins do."

"You're very informed. That's right, I'm a Kiri hunter nin. I have been tracking down Zabuza for a while, now." He then disappeared in a puff of smoke, reappeared beside Zabuza's body and took a hold of it. "I guess I have to thank you for softening him up."

"So-Soft... Who the hell are you?" Naruto shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the masked kid. "Seriously! We fight him, we risk our lives, I strip down to my underwear and then you come and kill him?"

"... What's your name?" The kid just asked, which made Naruto pause in his rage.

"Huh... Uzumaki Naruto."

"Naruto-san... A tip for you." The kid raised himself up slightly from his knelt position along with Zabuza's body, an arm of the swordsman over his shoulders. "While it might be a... Surprising one-time tactic to use in battle..." That made Naruto flinch and get even angrier. "You can't really hope to intimidate someone in your boxers."

"... You...!"

"Goodbye." The kid then disappeared in another clone of smoke just as Naruto charged at him. His forehead twitched and then he lout out a scream of frustration.

"Ahhh, who the hell was that asshole?" Kakashi sighed and put a hand on top of Naruto's head, trying to calm him down.

"A hunter nin. They hunt down missing nins like Zabuza. And don't let what he said get to your head." Naruto raised his head slowly to look at his smiling sensei. "You've done good. Thanks to you I didn't have to use my Sharingan very much."

"... But is it true?" Kakashi blinked and 'hmm'-ed, a hand to his chin.

"Well, it is true that more experienced ninjas can possibly overcome the feeling of grossness of seeing guys in their underwear attack them. They've seen lots of things. I attacked because Zabuza was about to recover from the shock and counterattack. I mean, as long as you can't touch them, your technique isn't 'that' effective." Naruto lowered his head, pouting. "Though, you're on the right track to improve."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Think about what you did to make your tactic effective in the fight and why your technique works in the first place and go from there." With one last pat, Kakashi let go of his head and turned around. With a sigh, Naruto mimicked him and found his clothes in his face, courtesy of Sakura.

"... Here." The girl grumbled under her breath, pinching her nose. "Naruto, seriously... That was the most embarrassing thing I've ever seen in my life."

"Ehm... To be sincere it was the most embarrassing thing I've ever done as well..." After all, till that moment he had only created unclothed clones, it had been the first time he had undressed himself.

"THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?" This, unsurprisingly, was Sasuke.

"Well... Because I thought it would work?" Sasuke was trembling with barely restrained rage.

"Because... WOULD YOU BE MORE CONSIDERATE! OF YOUR TEAM-MATES! OF YOUR VILLAGE! WHAT IF WORD GETS AROUND THAT THERE'S A NINJA FROM KONOHA THAT FIGHTS LIKE THAT AND THAT I'M ON THE SAME TEAM AS HIM?" The Uchiha shouted and then Sakura paled too.

"Oh, god... THE SHAME!" Naruto blushed as he thought about an entrance in a bingo book of him wearing just his boxers.

"Ehm... I-I can't help it. It's my strongest technique, after all..." _Though, as Kakashi-sensei said... It can't always work..._ Naruto didn't know, but he had just taken the first step on a part that his friends and enemies alike would dread.

-Breakline-

"How do you feel, Zabuza-sama?"

"... Ridicule." The missing nin replied, clearly angry as his protegé bandaged his neck to cover up the holes he had made with the senbon. "... That damn kid... What kind of technique was that? Gangbang no Jutsu? Cross Out... Seriously, the hell?"

"Y-Yes, it was... An unusual technique." Haku replied, a blush colouring his cheeks at the memory. He should have probably kept his mask on. "But still..."

"I was surprised, alright? Stupid well endowed kids..." Zabuza shivered in disgust at the memory that confirmed to him that indeed, the copies were a true copy of the original, sans the underwear. "Good thing he didn't wear a thong like his copies... But don't worry. Next time I won't allow him to even get an inch near me..."

"... Zabuza-sama." The admiration he felt for the ex-Kiri nin returned full force as he reaffirmed his resolution.

"Because you're going to take care of that brat and the other two while I take care of Kakashi." Only to be shattered as a finger was suddenly pointed at his face to emphasize the order just given to him.

"W-W-WHAT? ZABUZA-SAMA!" Haku shrieked in outrage. "H-How can you...!"

"They're better than what I thought. His genins... Can't risk them interfering again. So, you take care of them." Haku blushed up to his ears as he imagined the blonde Konoha genin take him instead of Zabuza for a ride over the water, crotch-first.

"Z-Zabuza-sama, how can you ask a maiden to risk her purity in such a fashion?" She shrieked in a high octave, and Zabuza raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? So, you only consider yourself a woman when it's convenient? And what was that 'you can't hope to intimidate someone in your boxers thing'? Was it just a bluff in hope that he wouldn't try it next time?"

"S-So what? That's a ninja principle! Adapt and take advantage of everything!" Zabuza groaned. He had taught the girl too well.

"Whatever. If you're really that grossed out from the thought, just don't let him come near you. Kill him in one move."

"B-But Zabuza-sama..."

"Haku, girl or no girl, boxers or thong, you're taking care of the streaking nin and the other two, and that's final." Zabuza finished with a glare in the direction of the distraught ninja who just stared back for a while before lowering her head and whine. The missing nin sighed.

_Shouldn't have kept her so cloistered... I remember when I made that priestess give her 'the talk'. She didn't come out of her room for three days straight, after that._

-Breakline-

"I must tell you, Tsunami, when I first saw these four I thought 'they saddled me with a bunch of crackpots'? But was I wrong!" Tazuna laughed heartily right after, raising his sake cup to the ceiling. "Here's to Konoha's ninjas!"

"Well, you're not really safe yet, you know." Kakashi said, still drinking his own sake. He had to celebrate not being a cripple for a week thanks to Naruto. "Gatou is probably going to send someone else after us."

"... Someone stronger than Zabuza?" Sakura said, a bit nervous, before remembering that he hadn't given them that much trouble, thanks to Naruto... And that made her sigh in defeat again. She was coming to have double standards on evaluating Naruto's ninja techniques.

"Nah. Don't think there are that many missing Jounin from Kiri that... Huh." Kakashi suddenly stopped drinking through his mask as he remembered something. Naruto and Sasuke were staring hard at the garment, wondering how in hell was he doing that and how there wasn't even a wet spot on it. "That's odd."

"What is, sensei?" Tazuna's daughter asked as she sat down at the table along with her father and the ninja team. Kakashi put a hand to his chin, his eye pointing upward as he thought about it.

"Well... Now that I think about it, hunter ninjas aren't supposed to take bodies of their targets away... They just destroy them to avoid their falling in wrong hands, otherwise known as every foreign ninja. If he needed proof, he could have just cut off his head. So... I ask myself, why did that boy run away with the body of a man who weights a lot more than himself?" Kakashi chirped, before snapping his finger. "Ah, now I get it. That boy actually was Zabuza's ally. He was his backup plan to haul his ass out of a sticky situation."

"... I call bullshit." Naruto deadpanned, earning the attention of everyone around the table but Sakura and Tazuna, who were pretty much shocked from the horrific prospective. "Kakashi-sensei, we all saw two things sticking out of his neck and he falling immobile to the ground... I mean, you checked his pulse too!"

"Hmmm, yeah... But on the moment, I forgot the particular that senbon are not that lethal unless they hit a vital point... Or a tsubo. The death was just apparent." Kakashi continued. "Also, if he wanted an opening, there was the whole time he couldn't move when he was keeping me trapped, you know? So... The story doesn't hold itself together."

"... Well, damn it." Naruto grudgingly admitted.

"And I guess that next time he won't come alone, right, Kakashi-sensei?" The Jounin replied by shaking his head. Sasuke smirked. "Good."

"So happy to have an opponent, are you, Sasuke? Well, can't blame you..." Kakashi acknowledged, before turning to the others. "I guess it's time for some training."

"B-But Kakashi-sensei, didn't you just say that Zabuza could come back any time?"

"Not any time, Sakura. It takes a while to recover from a state of apparent death. So, I guess we can begin right now." Kakashi stood up from the table, followed suit by his subordinates. Naruto could barely contain his excitement. Training, real training.

"Does that mean you're going to teach us new techniques, sensei?"

"Hmm... To be frank... I'd prefer not doing that with you, Naruto." That affirmation from his sensei shocked Naruto and surprised his team-mates. "Actually, just send with us a few of your Kage Bunshin."

"Eh? But why?" Naruto shouted in outrage.

"Well, because that way you can do the same training as your team-mates faster and you can focus..."

"I know about Kage Bunshin! I read the thing thoroughly. Didn't want to end up with another stupid technique..." Indeed, Naruto had almost spent more time reading the jutsu's description than apprehending the technique itself. "I mean, why don't you want to teach me more jutsu?"

"Hmm... To be perfectly frank, I think it would be better if you kept on working on your... Particular brand of ninja-fighting." That declaration appalled all the three genin, Sasuke in particular. "Naruto, willingly or not, you made the first step into the world of... Well, Hentai-Jutsu, we could call them."

"H-Hentai?" Tsunami squeaked out, blushing. Tazuna laughed nervously at that as the woman looked at him questioningly.

"You said it yourself that the Gangbang no Jutsu is your best jutsu, right?" Naruto grumbled something under his breath. "Instead of teaching you a jutsu that you don't even know how to put to use, I think it's better that you improve on one that is already strong and go from there. Makes sense?"

"... Yes, but..." Naruto pouted, and Kakashi just laughed.

"I know you can do it. You could probably surpass the original creator of that scroll. You seem to have the right attitude for it."

"That's supposed to make me feel better?"

"That's supposed to make him feel better?" Sasuke and Naruto turned to each other, noticing that they had talked in unison, before glaring at each other and turning away.

"I won't lie to you. You'll probably have to work a lot harder on it than you would on any other technique, since you have to put into it both your body and your head." Kakashi smirked pointing at his forehead with his index finger. "But that won't stop you, will it?"

"... Nope. Never did before..." Kakashi gave him a thumbs up and then started pushing Sasuke, Sakura and the Kege Bunshin Naruto had just created out of the door, leaving a pretty miserable blonde in the company of a blushing woman and a confused old man. "... This really, really sucks."

"... Hentai... Techniques?" Tsunami replied. Naruto slowly turned his gaze to her and then facepalmed.

-Breakline-

"Kakashi-sensei... That wasn't very nice."

"Why, whatever do you mean, Sakura?" Kakashi replied, not removing his eyes from the orange book in his hands, even as one of Naruto's clones screamed bloody murder as he fell to the ground.

"Naruto... I mean, he wanted to learn something else, right?" Sakura said, a bit surprised with herself of taking Naruto's case to their sensei, but she guessed she owed at least that much to her training partner. "I can see that he doesn't like having to use that kind of techniques... So, why..."

"Well... I can only say that I'm thinking of his future." The Jounin turned his gaze to the now confused Sakura. "Think about it like this. You know how Naruto fights. Knowing about his techniques and their applications, would you like to fight against him?"

"... Hell no." Sakura said with a shiver. She had seen Naruto's lower parts exposed, but between using them for practice in sexual activities and being bludgeoned into unconsciousness by them was another matter entirely. She guessed that there was someone who would find the matter kinky...

-Breakline-

"Atchoom!"

"Bless you, joufu."

-Breakline-

But not her. Kakashi just smiled enigmatically. "That's the reason."

-Breakline-

"Oh, come on. Is everyone conjuring against me? Do they all want me to become a pervert ninja or something?" As he relieved his frustrations by throwing a rock into the river flowing under the incomplete bridge, having been assigned with guarding Tazuna while his Kage Bunshin and his team-mates trained, the real Naruto shouted out his discomfort at his destiny. Now that he thought about it, every person apart Iruka-sensei who he had told about his Gangbang no Jutsu were encouraging its usage and improvement, as long as he didn't use it on them. That only comprised Kakashi and Ayame and the girl didn't seem that averse to the idea of it being used on her, but... He was getting side-tracked.

"... Think about why it works in the first place, huh?" He thought out loud, a frown replacing the desolated expression right after. "And what the hell did he mean I have the right attitude for it? I'm not a pervert!"

_But you've been the one who decided to launch himself groin first at Zabuza to 'surprise' him instead of just letting the kunai do the work for you._

"That-That was just... A tactical choice! Yeah, it was tactically useful! He would have dodged that thing, after all. I'm sure of it..."

_It was, but the point is that you thought of it at all in the first place. Admit it, Kakashi is right. It's like that jutsu was made for you..._

"AAAAAAAARGH! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUUUUUP!" Grabbing his head in frustration, Naruto shouted out to make his subconscious silent. Once he calmed down, he noticed everyone's stare in a radius of a few hundred meters on him. "... What the hell are you staring at?"

That promptly returned everyone to their previous activity, including Naruto. "Alright, I surrender... And it's not like I can do anything else." _Let's think. Why does the Gangbang no Jutsu works? Well, from what Iruka-sensei told me, it's because the enemy gets grossed out by... Well, by my appearance and stuff. I would feel grossed out too if Sasuke suddenly started trusting his groin in... ARGH! BAD MENTAL IMAGE! BAD MENTAL IMAGE!_

After reining in his lunch, Naruto breathed deeply and in a few seconds came to this conclusion. If the main point of the Gangbang and Cross Out no Jutsu was to gross out the enemy, to make it more efficient he would have to become even more gross to the enemy's eyes. "... Oh, god."

-Breakline-

"... So. Grossing out my enemy." Tazuna had to come back home, eventually, and Naruto came with him. Almost all his Kage Bunshin had dispelled, leaving just two still training with Sasuke. Seemed like Sakura had been the first to get the hang of the exercise and he had gotten some useful tips from her, though he couldn't explain the look of pure pity on her face.

Now, though, while he waited for them to come back, his mind was focused on his current predicament: his self-imposed task of becoming more gross to the eyes of his enemies and the public in general. "... First thing... I guess I will have to... Adequate myself... To my clones." Speaking that affirmation out loud made him shudder. That meant starting to wear a thong himself. There was, though, the problem of where in hell was he going to find a bright orange thong in the middle of the Wave Country?

His musings made him walk and in the end, he stopped in front of a room of the bridge-builder's house that he hadn't really noticed before, mostly because he hadn't really made much exploring in two days. "Huh... Weird." The door was a simple sliding one, but he immediately noticed the lack of light in it, but the sun still hadn't set. The shutters in that room were closed. "... Damn it."

Child-like curiosity still effecting his brain a great deal sometimes, Naruto slowly looked around to assure himself that no one was in sight and slowly slid the door open. Tiptoeing his way into the obscured room, he slid it shut again behind him, finding himself engulfed in thick darkness. "Hmm... Isn't there a switch..."

Fumbling around, the young ninja found what he was looking for a few centimeters on the door's right. "Ah. There... Oh." Naruto's curiosity immediately died down, for a couple reason. The first because it was sated, the second being the exact contents of the room. "... A shrine." He couldn't describe it as anything else. The room was mostly bare, barring a few boxes that he supposed contained the belongings of the person who's picture was contained in the nearby open cabinet, along with some flowers and unlit candles and incense sticks. Naruto paid his respects, bowing with his hands joined in front of his face and was about to leave when he noticed something.

"Huh?" A piece of fabric hanging out of one of the boxes, of a very familiar colour, caught his attention. He slowly approached the thing and picked it up, intending to put it back into the box, but having it in his hands... "What is this? A handkerchief...?" A lump of fabric that he proceeded to bring back to its original shape... "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" Before screaming in horror, dropping it and backing away from it on all fours till he hit the wall on the opposite side of the room. "No... NO, THIS IS A JOKE! KAKASHI-SENSEI, COME OUT!"

"W-Who's in there?" He had heard a voice approaching the room, but he was too transfixed by the apparition to care. Tsunami slid the door open in a flash and gasped as she saw a pale Naruto in the room. "S-Shinobi-san? What... AH!" After noticing what Naruto was staring at, she locked the door behind them launched herself at the garment and clutched it protectively against her chest, her back to Naruto. It couldn't hide reality from him, though. Not any more.

"... That..." Tsunami was holding to her chest a bright orange thong. "I mean... Whose..."

"I-Inari's father... But..." Tsunami managed to recompose herself enough to get angry at Naruto and turn around. "What the hell were you doing in here?"

"I was just... I mean, I was curious..." The spark also rebooted Naruto's mind. "... That should be my question. What do you usually do in here?"

"E-Eh?" Naruto's gaze had turned to inquisitive all of a sudden, and Tsunami felt suddenly trapped.

"... A shrine to your dead husband... And I bet those boxes are full of his clothes and stuff, right?" Naruto shivered as he remembered a particular MILF, yes he had learned the pertinent vocabulary, getting really really excited just by smelling his freshly worn boxers. Sex ensued, but the point was the strange fetish. "... You miss him that much?"

"N-NO! I mean... I do, and..." Tsunami blushed and squirmed because her horrible secret had been discovered. She swallowed and managed to calm herself enough to face Naruto again. "... I won't tell if you won't."

"Deal. Now... Just who is the guy in the photo?" Naruto stood back up and approached the shrine. "Is he really your husband?"

"... Not really. I never married... And he wasn't even Inari's natural father." Tsunami stood up and walked to Naruto's side, still holding the culprit piece of underwear. "But he acted like one to him, and he was also the hero of this country... He stood up to Gatou."

"... It didn't end well, I guess." Naruto commented with a sigh. The man was no ninja, that was for sure. He made a silent prayer in honour to the guy. Then... He realized that maybe the guy himself or Kami being a joker had just bestowed upon him something he needed. He groaned. "Ehm... Tsunami-san, I was wondering..." The woman turned to face him again, finding the blonde holding the bridge of his nose and shakily pointing a finger to the thong clutched to her chest. "... Could I maybe have that?"

"... What?" The question left the woman dumbstruck... For a few seconds. She then remembered a previous conversation regarding the young shinobi. She narrowed her eyes. "Does it have something to do with your... Hentai Jutsu?"

"Look, if you want to play at who's the bigger pervert, you've lost before even starting." She had the decency to blush at that. "I don't need it for anything else but to... Wear it. It's for my techniques, I swear."

"... Would you... Would it help you defeat the ninjas after grandpa?" Tsunami mellowed a bit at that thought. Naruto nodded.

"Yeah. It would. I can't progress and get stronger without that thong, Tsunami-san." Later he would recall this statement and found the sheer wrong in it, but for the moment, he was deadly serious. Tsunami was fought. She doubted something so ludicrous was false, but the thong was one of the dearest memories she had left of Kaiza. The man almost always wore it. To just part with it...

"... What do I get?" Naruto blinked, not really expecting that kind of reaction. Tsunami's face was serious, though. "It's one of the only things left of the love of my life. You can't expect me to just part with it without getting something in return. So, what do I get?"

"... Well..."

-Breakline-

"... So useless." Inari had took a walk for the nearby forest, that afternoon, and he had wandered to the clearing where those ninjas were training to get stronger. It was all in vain. They would all die. The ninja, his grandfather, his mother... It was all useless against Gatou.

Ever since his father died, Inari had been left one sad, bitter young lad, not able to see hope in anything or anyone any more. The image of his father's bleeding figure would forever be engraved in his mind.

As he approached his house again, the sun setting behind him, his mind wandered to his mother again. He both envied and pitied her. He knew of her shrine, he knew she was as sad as him, but she kept on living and acting strongly. So useless. She should just...

"Aaaaaaah! So good!" He suddenly stopped in mid-step as he heard a loud moan of a familiar voice.

"Damn, Tsunami-san. You really needed this, didn't you? When was the last time...?" The other voice was less familiar, but he recognized it nonetheless. One of the ninjas, the one who multiplied.

"C-Can't remember... AH! That's the spot!" He trembled as his eyes widened recognizing his mother's voice without mistake.

"That long? Must have been terrible." Also, he realized that the voices were coming from the living room. He blushed but nonetheless, something inside him spurred his body to rush to the door and open it in a flash.

"H-Hey! What are you doing to my... Huh?"

"Ahhh... Huh? Inari?"

"Oh? Hi." His mother's face was flushed and her body was horizontal on their couch, the shinobi right behind her, her naked back in clear sight for everyone to see, but the activity was very different from what he had imagined. Very different from what he had seen their neighbours do on a rainy afternoon. "Sorry if we startled you. But your mother is very... Vocal."

"Ahhh... Honey, sorry, but mom is very busy at the moment..." Tsunami said and then melted again in pure bliss as Naruto went back to working his magic. "Oh, Naruto-san... Who thought you to give such wonderful back massages?"

"Ehm... Many people. Let's leave it at that." That was another common point among the wives of Konoha. They all insisted on back massages, especially the ones with bigger than normal breasts. He guessed that holding those things up was a big strain on the back muscles. He had a new-found respect for women after that. One of them had also commented on how Sakura was lucky since she would never have that problem. He didn't question the source of their knowledge on that matter, surprisingly enough. He just took it as being life experience.

"Ahh... Thank them on my behalf when you go back home... Hmmm!" Inari still shuddered. It wasn't anything perverted, but his mother still kept on moaning and the way she had just bitten her lower lip...

"I'm... Going to turn in early. Not hungry." Inari said, getting promptly ignored as he made his way upstairs. He guessed that was the reason his grandfather wasn't at home either. He only hoped he could find his earplugs.

"Hmm... Naruto-san?" Tsunami moaned out, huskily, earning a blush out of Naruto, who was being affected by the sensation of the woman's fair, warm skin under his calloused hands.

"Y-Yes?" What Inari didn't know, though...

"I think... I might take you up on the first offer too, then..." Was that the back massages was the second thing Naruto had tried to offer to Tsunami. Tazuna would curse his grandson's name all the way through the night, that night. He really, really needed those earplugs.

_To be continued..._

_In the next chapter..._

So, the day of the battle on the big bridge, cue pertinent musical arrangement, finally arrives. Naruto and Sasuke face Haku, and the blonde shinobi will find himself having to go all out... Only, with a twist. Stay tuned!


	9. Chapter 8

And here we are with the next chapter of this adopted fic, which has though become one of my favourites daughters. Yeah, I think stories would be females if someone ever Gijinka-ed them like they did with Pokémon. I wonder about Sexplosion's personality, though...

So! Before letting you get down to business, I still want to remind you that I'm on Facebook as Meinos Kaen and that I have a personal site. Adding/following me is for your own benefit, since, for example, this chapter had a preview posted on my site before it got posted on here. :P

With that out of the way, I let you get down to business. Here's another installment of crack, sex jokes and all around weirdness. Enjoy!**  
**

**Sexplosion**

**Chapter 8: What? You actually thought I was going the chakra route?**

Tazuna had one hell of a headache. The reason being that he wasn't sure what to feel any more, he was confused. His daughter, after Kaiza's death, still stayed strong in the face of everything and kept on supporting him and caring for her son, but he knew how deeply she hurt, deep inside. It showed mostly right after waking up, when it was usually only her awake in the house. It was the first time in years she was that radiant in the morning.

He should be thankful... And yet he was about to break down and either foam at the mouth, strangle a certain brat or kill everyone and then himself. Only thinking about the bridge stopped him. He should be happy, she hummed and all, she almost danced between stoves, but he wasn't because he knew the reason she was smiling like that. Damn Inari and his new earplugs-stealing antics.

"Breakfast's ready!" She announced, and her melodious voice only increased his distress. He slowly moved his head to look at Inari, who didn't look that uncomfortable.

_Of course he didn't! He only heard the massage part!_ Tazuna groaned as Tsunami settled the food in front of each of the table's occupants, only for his breath to get stuck in his throat as she also smooched Naruto's left cheek loudly, earning a bright blush from the genin.

"Extra for my little orange." Sasuke resisted the urge to bash the table with his head, while Sakura rolled her eyes and Kakashi giggled as Naruto blushed even more. He guessed that was his first pet-name. Inari and Tazuna were trembling in barely unrestrained rage.

"Ehm... Thanks, Tsunami-chan." The woman gave him another warm smile before settling down at the table herself.

"So, Naruto, how goes that other part of your training?" Naruto swallowed some of his breakfast before putting a hand to his chin.

"Hmm... Well, I think I got the basic concept. It all just comes down to being creative."

"Because knocking someone unconscious with your crotch wasn't 'creative' enough?" Sasuke couldn't stress the word creative enough, in his opinion. Inari gasped as he turned to stare at Naruto, while Tsunami regarded him with an amused smile.

"That was improvising. I need to find something... That always works, something that I can build up from, you know?" Naruto continued, pouting.

"Good. That's the right path. Once you secure a home base, work on the expansions." The slang had a bit too much Starcraft in it, but everyone got the gist of it. "By the way, from now on, guarding Tazuna is going to be up to Sakura and me."

"Ooooh?" Suddenly Naruto's grin turned shit-eating as he turned to Sasuke. "So Sasuke still hasn't mastered the tree-walking thing?"

"Neither did you. Well, your clones." Sasuke replied back, stoic. The blonde shrugged.

"Well, I surmise I will get it done before you, though." Sasuke growled and Naruto stuck his tongue out.

"Maybe so. Well, focus on developing those other techniques of yours and try not to get too sidetracked, saavy?" Kakashi continued, embarrassing Naruto further and making Tsunami even more all smiles than before, if possible.

_That's it._ Tazuna thought as he affirmed his resolve. _When I'm done with the bridge, I'm hanging myself. Or I could just get another set of earplugs._

-Breakline-

"Awww, you sure you don't want to stay here and keep me company?" Tsunami had an idea of company that included her cuddling Naruto like a teddy bear.

"Ehm... Sorry, but you heard Kakashi-sensei... Can't get too sidetracked." Naruto replied with a sheepish grin, knowing that teddy bears usually didn't have body parts to grope. That made Tsunami mock-pout cutely.

"Hmm... Too bad. Oh, well..." Then Naruto shivered as she smiled at him maliciously. "You're gonna have to eat, sooner or later."

"Ehm... Yeah." He swallowed as he put on his shoes. "I'll see you later." As he sprinted out of the house and started to walk towards the nearby forest, hoping to find some place where to train in peace, he couldn't help but compare Tsunami to the housewives of Konoha.

All the women he had 'served' during his period of D-Rank missions had in common the massive sexual hunger of every Konoha citizen, but they were pretty much normal women once he got past that. Tsunami was hella different.

First, she was a MILF by all means, accomplice the fact that she was pretty young and that she had kept herself in shape even after giving birth. Second, there was her attitude. That last sentence was just the tip of the iceberg. When he had first proposed to her to pay with sex for the thong she had refused because of his sheer boldness, but he found later on that her own boldness was just skin-deep.

After the first round, it was like the fucking dam had broken. She hadn't had any in a long time, but her lust wasn't as desperate and wanting as those other women's or, well, Ayame's one. _Sorry, nee-chan._ Tsunami's was controlled, focused, she found delight in finding him wanting and in keeping herself stale while he went afire with desire.

In one word, she was a fucking tease.

If at first he had been the one offering, during the night he had been then one wanting to have sex. With the Konoha women, Ayame too... It felt good, no doubt on that, but he didn't have their same urges. After the first few times, it felt more like a chore than anything else. Tsunami managed to keep on having him wanting to sex her up all night long, and she knew it, and she enjoyed it. Even if she was in abstinence, she didn't let that spoil her fun. And when she woke up, she was back to the sweet caring woman that spoiled him with bigger portions of food and took care of the house and his son.

"... Am I actually looking forward to when I go back?" Naruto didn't know it, but he was currently going through the mental phase of puberty. "That's a first... Ah, this should do it." While pondering about the differences between his various sexual encounters, Naruto had reached a small meadow filled with herbs and flowers, surrounded by a few trees. He started stretching. "Alright, let's see. There are a few things I gotta work out of the Cross Out no Jutsu."

-Breakline-

"Where are you going?"

"Picking up some herbs. They should help you get back to top shape in a shorter time." Haku answered as she let down her hair, completing her transformation from highly deadly ninja to flower-girl as she also picked up the nearby basket. "I'll be back shortly."

The only answer from Zabuza was a nod. That was enough for the young girl as she started walking out of their hideout, her feet automatically taking her upon the path she had found leading to the meadow where those particular herbs grew.

As she walked, her mind went back to the task that was at hand, the battle. There was no doubt in her mind that to get to Tazuna they would be forced to battle Kakashi and his Genin, and she had been thinking about their odds ever since she saved Zabuza.

Judging by could she had observed during Zabuza's bout and the information her master and the Demon Brothers had given her, she had been able to form a strategy to counter the Sharingan if push came to stove, that troublesome bloodline limit. Also, she had been able to assess the threat level of their opponents.

The girl was the weakest and the less dangerous. That was something that had been perceived and confirmed by everyone that had laid eyes on her. During Zabuza's attack, she didn't participate in the attack and she had been the one left to guard Tazuna, probably as a last resource. She had also been the one suggesting to listen to their sensei and leave with their client, but she understood that while half of that decision was the result of logical thought, the other was lack of confidence.

Then, there was the black haired boy. His movements were high level for a genin, and she guessed that he hadn't used his full arsenal during the fight with Zabuza. Still, he had trembled with fear at the first taste of killing intent. Skilled or not, he was a novice. It wasn't an opponent of her or Zabuza's calibre if they went at it seriously.

Finally... Now, there was the point where she and Zabuza had butted heads a bit. With only the number 1 and 2 positions left, who occupies them? She had no doubt in her mind. Kakashi was a Jounin, a famous ninja possessor of a strong bloodline limit, but in her mind the blonde boy was even more dangerous. Zabuza had been fought as well, but in the end had given the number 1 position to Kakashi.

She acquiesced on Kakashi's strength, but she still found the idea of having to face the boy more terrifying. Probably because she had already thought of a counter-strategy for the Jounin, while she had no idea of how to act against the blonde's fighting style, if not to take him out as quickly as possible while trying not to touch any exposed skin. She shivered at the thought, and she heaved as she thought if she'd been in place of Zabuza-sama when he had been hit with the boy's genitals, covered in a bright orange thong...

"Huh. This time I also kept my forehead protector. This settles it." Wait a minute. He was wearing boxers shorts. "So, I can modify the number and which clothes I lose... Heh. That's kinda useful. Like, if I had to suddenly take a dip in the water." Yes, he was, but not any more. Not any more?

"Sonuva...!" She dove behind a bush just as he turned around, probably having heard her slip of the tongue. Her heart was beating hard against her chest and her face was flushed over a pale complexion.

"What was that?" That was what she was asking herself. She didn't usually slip like that. Also, she didn't curse. "Hmm... Must have been a critter."

_Yeah, call me critter, will you._ For her to get this upset... There was no doubt in her mind. He was dangerous. Really dangerous. She focused her mind again and she realized that he was training. She swallowed and turned around, peeking through the foliage. She could observe him and maybe find out a weak point, something.

"Now... There was that other thing that was eating at my mind." She blushed a bit more as he turned in her direction. His current attire left nothing to imagination. He had an athletic body, but that was a requisite for a ninja. Still, he was probably still going through puberty. She was an year, maybe two older than him, but she shouldn't have that much of a height difference. "... Oh, screw it."

She strangled a gasp as she followed his right hand clenched into a punch which descended upon his crotch, her eyes wide. _WHAT THE HELL?_

"... I hardly felt that." Naruto observed, surprised. He raised his fist again and dropped it down on his crotch once again, while Haku covered her mouth with both hands. She was certain of it. He was crazy. A crazy and a sado-masochist. After people's purity, be they men or women. A demon in human skin. "This is crazy. It really is strengthened by chakra?"

He had to die. He had to die right that moment, so that she wouldn't have to face him at all. He hadn't noticed her. She would attack him from afar with one of her-what the hell was he doing with that Kunai? "... Here goes nothing, I guess."

Haku froze and stared in horrified fascination as Naruto descended the blunt end of the kunai on his crotch, a metallic sound filling the air. "Nothing yet? Just how much chakra..." She couldn't believe what she was seeing... He was turning the kunai around in his hands. "... I guess all that's left is..."

_Oh, come on! You can't be serious! You can't...!_ She took in a sharp breath as Naruto effectively stabbed his own crotch and Haku felt all the blood draining from her face.

"... Huh." Naruto raised the kunai back up, observing the bent and broken point of it. "Damn, that's a lot of chakra." Before he could try and do it with two Kunai, he was disturbed by the sound of something brushing through the foliage behind him and scamper away, noisily. He just saw a big shadow. "... Some big critters, they have here."

-Breakline-

"Huhh... Hanabi-chan... What are we doing here?" Hotaru wondered as she looked around, noticing that when Hanabi had asked her to follow her, she had led her to a pretty much secluded spot. It was the old clan's warehouse, now filled almost to the brim with much of the junk that no one used any more.

"It's just an ideal place. Almost no one comes here any more." As long as they didn't visit that room between midnight and three A.M., it was okay.

"An ideal place... For what?" She really hoped that Hanabi didn't want to start pranking her on her own. Last time she ever pranked her, it took weeks to get all the pink out of her hair. She kept her stare on her cousin as she sat cross-legged on the ground and then extended her arm to her to motion to mimic her. After checking that there weren't flatulent cushions or booby traps or anything else with her Byakugan, she acquiesced. "... So?"

"So, I think it's time someone gave you the damn talk." Hotaru blinked at that, thinking about a joke, but Hanabi was dead serious. "Seriously, I can't believe you're still this oblivious when you're a member of this clan, and I can't believe no one has broke you in yet... Well, I will take on that challenge."

"Ehm... Hanabi chan, the talk... About what?"

"About sex, damn it. And the whole of Konoha." Hotaru just stared, tipping her head to one side. Hanabi groaned. "About 'love-making'. It's obvious that you know zilch about the real thing."

"Ah..." Hotaru blushed, mostly because of the partially negative comment. "Well... I know... I know it's for making babies, that it's... A sign of love..." Hanabi snorted at that. "And... Ehm, that it takes a man and a woman..."

"Not always, and not always in that number." Now poor Hotaru was positively confused, and Hanabi sighed. "Alright, here goes. When..."

-Breakline-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Neji, what the hell?" TenTen almost got a heart-attack as Neji suddenly screamed in her face. She looked tentatively at the rope in her hand. "Is it too tight?"

"N-No, is not that..." Neji panted as he regained his cool, the heaving making the bindings cut against his skin. "It's... It's like I felt... I don't know what exactly, I just know something horrible has just happened!"

"... I think the one around your neck is cutting off the blood-flow to your brain." TenTen pouted and cracked the rope in the air with one sharp tug, the bindings disrupting themselves back to their original shape. And she was sure she had gotten it right, this time. "Useful in battle, but not in interrogations nor in other applications. What's the fun if the one on the receiving end ends up unconscious?"

-Breakline-

"Hmm... It's been one week. Does that mean...?"

"Well, according to Kakashi-sensei, yeah. Zabuza should have recovered... That means that he should be back on the offensive pretty soon." Naruto frowned as he thought about the eyebrowless freak, and then about the guy in the mask. "And I have a feeling that this time he won't be alone."

"You think you're gonna have trouble winning this time?" Tsunami asked, a bit concerned as she travelled her hands through his hair, earning a shiver from the blonde boy. He really liked that.

"Meh. This time Kakashi-sensei won't be taken by surprise, and me and Sasuke-teme will be taking care of the other one. We can win." He replied with a grin, which did wonders for her mood.

"Really... Oh." And for his own one too as he travelled his left hand up her leg. She smirked at him. "You naughty boy. Where do you think you're going with that hand?"

"Ehm... No, it's just... I like how it feels on my skin. And against the palm of my hand..." No lie. He didn't know why but he had been particularly fascinated by it. Tsunami just chuckled and grasped his hand, making it travel back down and then back up her body.

"Really... Well, maybe if you're a good boy I could..." He blushed and was about to retort when the proverbial light-bulb suddenly went off in his brain.

"Hey... Maybe..." Then something else went off in his brain. "Oh. We completed the tree-climbing training too. Sweet. Now, what was I thinking about... Ah, yeah!"

-Breakline-

"Well, I guess we're ready." If he was able to crush an apple with his bare hands, his strength had come back fully. They were finally ready for Kakashi and his team. "By the way, Haku... Don't you think that'll hinder your movements? A tad? A little bit? A lot?"

"It's for the sake of victory, Zabuza-sama." He groaned. Just what the hell had happened while he was bedridden?

-Breakline-

"Then, we're going."

"Y-You're going to leave me here all alone?" Inari said as he swallowed. "Also... What about your... Team-mate?"

"Well... When he wakes up... And after he's done, in case it comes to that..." That was exactly what Inari feared. He had lost his precious earplugs to that damn traitor of a dog. "Tell him to reach us at the bridge."

"... Do you know of any ways to muffle out noises?" Tazuna smirked under his breath. It was his own grandson, yeah, but payback was sweet.

-Breakline-

"And here we are... WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?" This didn't bode well, in Kakashi's mind. First there was the matter of the fog that enveloped the whole bridge. It was natural, but it still unnerved him. Now they arrived to the place, and what do they found? All the workers beaten up and passed out.

"Seems like... Our enemies are here." Kakashi observed, and suddenly, like out of thin air, a few Zabuza appeared. The three shinobi immediately crowded around Tazuna. Their mission was to protect him, after all. "Water clones, huh?"

"Huhuhu... Look at your protégé, shaking again, Kakashi." Zabuza's voice suddenly resounded in the air, and indeed, Sasuke's hands were shaking. "Still scared?"

"Nah..." Sasuke suddenly smirked. "I'm shaking from excitement." Then Sasuke suddenly realized that even in this story, he could act bad-ass and look the part, when he wasn't around the main character or anyone from Konoha, particularly his sisters. Putting to good use the tree climbing lesson to increase his speed, he quickly dispatched all the water clones.

"Ohhh... Seems like a rival has appeared, Haku."

"Impressive... Even if the water clones only possessed a tenth of the original's strength." Haku observed as she laid eyes on the group. Then, she blinked when she noticed something. "Zabuza-sama..."

"... The blonde brat isn't here." The missing nin observed. The two just stared at the group from Konoha for a few more seconds before letting out two synchronized breaths, in a loud 'Haaaa', bowing their heads a little.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU BOTH SIGHING IN RELIEF FOR?" Sasuke shouted out when he realized that the their opponents were glad of Naruto's absence. His teeth grinding was turning to self-inflicted dental harm. "AAAARGH! THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO FUCKING DESTROY YOU BEFORE THAT IDIOT FINISHES SEXING UP THAT..."

"Sasuke, language." Kakashi admonished him, reminding Sasuke that he was about to say very bad words about the client's daughter. That seemed to gave him enough pause to torn his shouted into murderous mumbling. "Alright, let's do it like this. Sakura, you stay back and guard our client. Sasuke, you fight the kid in the mask. I'll take care of Zabuza."

"With pleasure." _Finally, some real action... I can't believe the nerve of these..._ With some more mumbling Sasuke dropped into a guard stance, ready to pounce.

"Seems like it's going as you predicted." Zabuza hadn't missed Haku's full body shiver. "And maybe we can finish it before the brat finishes... Well, you know..."

"I'm quite aware of what the other Konoha genin meant, Zabuza-sama." She was now certain that the unpleasant feeling was worth the modifications to her battle equipment.

-Breakline-

"Damn... That was some breakfast."

"I take it no one has ever brought you breakfast in bed, before?" Naruto shook his head from side to side.

"I don't think anyone has ever cooked me breakfast, period." _Well, except for Ayame-neechan when I sleep over... God bless you, nee-chan._ Naruto stretched as he started picking up his clothes only for a generous bosom to plant itself on the back of his head and a pair of arm latching around his neck. "... Maternal instincts kicking in?"

"I'm a mother and I'm feeling cuddly. Bite me."

"Is that an order?" He grinned, before gently disentangling himself from her honey grip. "Come on, I gotta go. The others are on the bridge already, and I bet Inari's gonna have..."

"Let me go!"

"Shut up, you kid!"

"Now, where could his mother be?" Those voices made him pause.

"Huh. Sounds like there's trouble." Naruto got up and started walking to the door. Tsunami blinked.

"Are you going out... Like that?" The blonde turned to her and shrugged.

"No time like the present. I need a test drive."

-Breakline-

"Kid, stop struggling or I swear to god I'll cut off your arms."

"What good is a dead hostage, idiot?" The goon with the eye-patch commented as he prepared himself to cut the front door of the house to pieces, only for the thing to open in his face.

"Hey. What the hell are you doing to Inari?" Then, Inari stopped his struggling and his jaw went slack. The tanned samurai let his sword fall to the ground, and the one with the strange hair let Inari fall like a sack of potatoes. Then, as one man, they screamed. Naruto grinned. _Oh, yeah. It does work like a charm... Wait a minute. I'm actually enjoying freaking people out like this, now?_ He thought about it for a few seconds, then he returned his attention to the badly assorted trio who hugged each other and tried to crawl away from him. _... Damn, I guess I do._

-Breakline-

"Huhuhu... Kakashi, you're looking bad." Haku's anti-Sharingan strategy was working like a charm. Kakashi had just barely parried one of his blows, and he would soon get another in by going for the girl and the old man. "And I wonder how your own kid is doing against Haku."

"Hmm... Well, I am every bit confident that they can overcome your protégé. Sasuke is a member of the prized Uchiha clan..." That made Zabuza's eyes widen. So the brat had a bloodline limit of his own. That could be a bit of trouble. "And Naruto... Well, Naruto is..." Kakashi put a hand to his chin, deep in thought. "Damn, I don't know what to call him."

"I think Hentai would suffice." Zabuza deadpanned, glaring at Kakashi even with his eyes closed. "Seriously, where the hell did that kid learn those kind of jutsu?"

"Hmm, a forbidden scroll, actually."

"Duh. I would have forbid those techniques myself, if I had been the Hokage... But who the hell created those in the first place?"

"Ahh, that I can't tell you." Kakashi said with a mocking tone. "But I can assure you that Naruto has the potential to improve those techniques by a fair bit. After all, the original creator of those techniques mostly meant them as a joke. The only useful ones are the ones Naruto learned. The others were mostly a bunch of Genjutsu that have no place in any respectable ninja's curriculum."

"BECAUSE SMASHING YOUR OWN CROTCH INTO SOMEONE'S FACE DOES?" Zabuza exploded, his eyes opening for the briefest of instants before calming himself again. Kakashi just smiled behind his mask.

"Well, you know as well as me that it's results that count, in the ninja world. It's just that the others techniques in that scroll... Well, I couldn't really see them as applicable to battle. I mean, a jutsu that makes someone's clothes disappear by touching them? That's not really practical nor for battle nor for stealth, is it?" Zabuza sighed.

"You Konoha nins are all sick."

"Ah, but we have very variegated sex lives!"

-Breakline-

"Hmm... You're pretty skilled, I must say."

"Thanks... But compliments won't save you." The two younger fighters were currently at a stand-still, senbon tense against Kunai. "Hmm... I must say, your friend was much more... Impressive."

"... What did you say?" That unnerved Sasuke. They were fighting to the death, and his opponent was focusing more on someone who wasn't even there than him.

"It's the truth. After all, he did temporarily incapacitate Zabuza-sama... With your help, true, but you were about to end your own life out of fear at a first taste of Zabuza-sama's killing intent." Sasuke gritted his teeth but he was broke out by his irritation when he noticed his opponent's pressure on the senbon increase. "Of course, he used a perverted, underhanded, monstrous, insane tactic, but results... Aren't to be denied. Unlike you."

His irritation returned full force. He broke the senbon hold and took a step back before charging at Haku again. "You want underhanded?" Kunai slashed against senbon with metallic noises for a couple times before the last Uchiha pulled his leg back. "I'll give you underhanded!" And then let it fly forward, surprising his opponent as he delivered a strong kick in the lower area. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!"

Only to yell loudly as sharp pain coursed through his whole foot. He instinctively grabbed it and started hopping around, all under the flat stare of Haku, even if the mask didn't let that be known to the world. "... That was underhanded... But it would have been ineffective even without my special battle preparations."

"W-WHAT THE HELL? ARE YOU..." Then it hit him. He realized two things in that moment. One, his opponent's gender. Two, just what his throbbing foot had just hit. Pain was overriden by anger, fury. He just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that his idiot of a team-mate had scared their opponents so much. He was just a pervert acting like a pervert ninja who happened to get lucky and... "AAAAAAAAAAARGH! HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?"

"Oh. Seems like your Sharingan activated because of your anger." Haku commented, deciding that it was time to up the game a little. "Well, I guess it's time I show you my own... Special Abilities."

-Breakline-

"... So, think your team-mate's going to be fine on his own?"

"Sasuke-kun is the strongest Genin of our year. He's going to be fine." Sakura answered while keeping her gaze fixated on the mist surrounding them, her hand holding a kunai at the ready.

"I see..." Tazuna conceded the point, and that allowed him to focus on really important matters. No, not his threatened life. "... What the hell is with your other team-mate?"

"Ehm..." That actually made her flush. She had seen both Naruto and Tsunami (in the bath) naked and she had by now enough experience to imagine just what throes of passion could go on between the two. She would have to take care of herself later... She guessed it was time for Naruto to be put to real use. After Sasuke-kun kicked the masked one's ass. Even if he was screaming bloody murder, right now. "Well... You remember what happened to you in our village? For us, it happens periodically because we were born there, no matter how far we travel."

"I guessed as much, but... My daughter? She's at least thirteen years his senior!" He explained in outrage. "I mean, the gall of him! I think it would have been slightly better if it had been your teacher! At least I wouldn't have to question my daughter's morality!"

"... Oh." She now realized that while in Konoha 14 years old were legal, it wasn't the case in the rest of the world. Including Wave. "Well... Can't do much about that now, can we?"

"He could have restrained himself like your black friend. It's not healthy for him, but it sure is for me!" Tazuna continued, not persuaded. "Also... What about your teacher?"

"Wha about Kakashi-sensei?"

"He hasn't left my side or the house like, ever. So, how did he 'release' himself? I didn't even introduce him to anyone like I promised, and he didn't notice nor care." Now, that was a question.

-Breakline-

"... Finally, a real battle." He was getting hurt badly, but thanks to his Sharingan he could keep up. Soon, he would counterattack and win.

"... You're liking this." Haku found herself agreeing. A normal battle. Blood, cuts, fire, ice, chakra. Ninja battles. No stupidity, no depravity. No...

"Sorry for the delay!" The two combatants froze, Haku half outside half inside one mirror. They both snapped their heads to the side, taking in... "The hero has arrived!"

A fully clothed Naruto. Foe and ally alike sighed in relief. "Man, you've been getting your ass kicked, Sasuke."

"Yeah, yeah... WAIT A MINUTE! WHY THE HELL DID YOU COME INTO HERE?" He had just realized that it could have been a good tactic to attack from both the inside and the outside. Naruto just chuckled. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT? NOW WE'RE BOTH TRAPPED!"

"Eheheh... Heroes are always in the fray!" Sasuke snarled and shool his head.

"Whatever. Watch out for the needles and the speed of the attacks. Also, no low blows. He's wearing... Well, some kind of armor." He didn't need to know exactly what their enemy was wearing and why.

"Heh. It's not gonna do him much good." Naruto replied, brimming with confidence as he put his hands into a handseal. "Once I... Ah!"

Sasuke wasn't joking when he said that their enemy's attacks were fast. "I don't know what kind of technique you want to use, but I just need to stop it from happening." On the outside, Haku's calm was legendary. On the inside, she dreaded Naruto's confidence.

"Ow..." He hissed at the cuts on his right arm while Sasuke groaned.

"What did I just tell you?" Still he could see the confidence in his eyes. "... This technique or whatever... Would it be able to stop his movements? Allow us to get a hit in?"

"Hmm... Yeah." He passed a thumb over his lips, staring at their opponent's shifting form, a smirk surfacing.

-Breakline-

"The horror... THE HORROR!" Tsunami sighed as her son and the two samurai goons chorused their plight.

-Breakline-

"100% assured. I just need those couple of seconds to gather chakra."

"... Then I'll buy you time if you buy me time first." Naruto nodded and did a single hand-seal only for Haku to shoot right at them. Sasuke managed to see with his sharingan and put himself in the way. "Hng!"

"Alright! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" That split second was all Naruto needed to fill the dome with orange, even if Haku was taking care of them already.

_They've got good teamwork... Which is surprising, considering just how different they are._ Haku thought as she sliced cleanly through the clones again and again.

"Katon! Goukakkyu no Jutsu!" But the purpose of all that was just to buy Sasuke a few seconds to use a technique that would force her to stay in the mirrors at least for a little while. She curse internally.

_No! That boy... What will he do?_ Many thoughts went through her mind only to reveal a Naruto holding his hands in hand-seal and a bewildered Sasuke.

"Naruto!"

"Not yet! He's not out of the mirrors yet, right?" The new addition to his arsenal would work even if he stayed in the mirror, but that way Sasuke wouldn't be able to hit him.

_If I come out, he's going to... Well, do whatever he has prepared..._ So, Haku waited.

_If he doesn't come out, I can't use my jutsu effectively!_ So, Naruto waited.

"..." Sasuke waited.

-Breakline-

"... You know... They've been awfully silent for a few minutes, in that dome of ice."

"I concur. Screams of terror would have been fine, but this silence... Ow. Right, sword." Kakashi let go of the blade, his blood flowing freely.

"Wanna go take a look? I'll wait."

"Yeeeeeah... Not happening."

So, they waited.

_Just what's happening in there? _Sakura thought, with no little apprehension.

-Breakline-

"... Oy, dobe."

"What?"

"I doubt he's coming out."

"Figured as much. And my chakra coils are killing me." Naruto winced as he felt his body screaming at him 'WILL YOU LET THE MOTHERFUCKER GO ALREADY'. "I doubt he can keep up all this stuff for much longer though..."

"And I doubt you can keep your technique at bay for much longer either." Sasuke sighed getting back up on his feet. The thing had been going on for so long that he had felt confident in laying on his back in the middle of the ice dome. "Listen, what about we just use it to get out of here, then?"

"Hmm... I guess." Naruto acquiesced. "Alright! Be ready to run like the wind!"

In the meanwhile, Haku was still inside the same mirror as before and because of that she couldn't hear their words but she had learned to read lips for such occasions. Good thing they were doing to do something, since her chakra was about to run out. Also, she had calmed down enough. So what if he was going to get naked again? She had already seen it. She could endure at least the sight.

She would not be touched. She would strike at them at high speed, knock them out all without being perverted by the blonde genin's techniques. "Cross out no Jutsu!" She readied her senbon.

"That's your big new technique? Getting n-!" Sasuke skidded to a halt, froze, fell down and rolled a couple times till he slammed against one of the mirrors upside down. He got a huge feeling of deja vu, but his eyes never left Naruto.

Haku jumped out of the mirror only for her chakra flow stop. She fell to the ground after a couple meters of free-falling, her eyes never leaving the shocking apparition. The mirrors started cracking and breaking down.

-Breakline-

"The Ice Mirrors... Breaking?"

"Oooh, seems like something did happen."

-Breakline-

"See? It worked!" Naruto ran to Sasuke only to find him staring in shock, as shards of ice cascaded around them. "Oi! Get up, Sasuke! Why aren't you running?"

"... What... Are... You wearing." Sasuke let out, slowly, painfully as he found himself really, really near.

"Huh? Isn't it obvious?" The web-like pattern, the fabric, the colour, the lenght... There was no doubt in his mind. Naruto grinned. "It's ninja mesh armour!"

"THOSE ARE FISHNET STOCKINGS AND YOU KNOW IT, YOU DAMN PERVERT! AND YOU STARTED WEARING A THONG LIKE YOUR COPIES TOO? WHAT THE FUCK?" The Uchiha avenger got up on his feet with his hands around Naruto's throat quicker than he could believe.

"They're... Comfier than... It looks..."

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU! I'M GONNA GAG YOU AND STRANGLE YOU WITH THE SAME THINGS YOU'RE WEARING!" As Sasuke screamed bloody murder and tried to permanently cut off Naruto's air supply, Haku was slowly recovering. Her body control, not her mind. Naruto's perversion and weirdness had taken a toll on her mind, the image of Naruto wearing only a bright orange thong fishnet stockings and shinobi forehead protector and sandals not going away, since she couldn't think straight. She forgot the implications of Naruto's technique from that day in the clearing. In her madness, she only had one objective.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Revenge. "!" She started screaming like the crazed young woman she was and then charged at the two genin. Only Sasuke noticed her and turned around, distracted. That allowed Naruto to push the Uchiha away who in turn spun around a bit, getting in-between the killer and killee.

"Ngh!" Sasuke became pale in the face as a slight 'zack' echoed on the bridge. Then he became more and more blue by the second as his whole body trembled, building up the most blood-curling scream of anguish and pain that the world had ever heard up to that point. On the other side of the bridge, Kakashi and Zabuza thought that they preferred the silence and wondered just what was happening behind the mist.

"S-Sasuke!"

"... Can't... Feel..." As Sasuke stepped back, the senbon exiting the injured part which he now cradled defensively... His anguished expression suddenly turned into a relaxed, calm, almost heavenly smile. "... Anything." He finished before his eyes rolled in the back of his head and he fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Sasuke! Little Sasuke! I mean... Damn it!" Naruto knelt beside Sasuke, who passed out while holding his crotch. The picture's sheer wrongness made Haku revert to a sane person, even if she shivered nonetheless. "He... He had never used it once..."

"I-I'm sor-WHAT THE HELL AM I APOLOGIZING FOR?" Cue the Reno moment before grinding her teeth behind her mask and holding up the still bloodstained kunai. "This is the day... The day I become a true ninja! By taking your life!"

"This isn't fair... He is angry all the time, slightly psychotic and not exactly easygoing, but... No one..." Naruto's mind started going through all that he had gone through and discovered thanks to his libido. Such tiring but new, plesaurable, enjoyable experiences. More than most of his life. Those little moments when he could forget the rest of the world and its evils. A new emotion surged through him. "No one should lose... The junior!"

"Exception made for you...?" Haku suddenly let slightly go of her anger when she noticed something change in her opponent. Physically. His whiskers got deeper, his canines elongated and his eyes changed pigmentation, from sky blue to blood red and the pupils became slits.

"Unforgivable... Absolutely unforgivable!" Suddenly the transformed Naruto lunged at her with a speed that wasn't his original one, much to Haku's dismay. She bent down and avoided the attack, or so she thought.

"Ah!" She felt a hand grasp the back of her kimono and then lift her off her feet before a superior strenght to any opposition she could muster slammed her hard into the bridge's concrete, back first.

As she yelped out in pain, she got out of the grip and rolled away, summoning a volley of ice shards. The blonde roared and emitted a huge surge of chakra which melted the ice before it could even touch his true body.

-Breakline-

"This-This chakra..." Zabuza wa currently feeling very nervous. Because of Naruto's sudden chakra flare, he found himself feeling the energy of another combatant, with far more chakra than Kakashi or himself, and it felt positively malicious.

"... Oh sweet mother of god." Kakashi squeaked out as he recognized the chakra. Naruto was tapping into the fox's power. He needed to finish with his own battle as soon as possible. If the beast managed to break out... Just what happened in the fog to upset. His student to that extent?

-Breakline-

"This is... This impossible!" Haku said as she backpedaled having just witnessed her ice being melted by pure chakra and its owner jumping through the cloud. She noticed that the stockings he had been wearing were burning.

Gone was any impression of pervertedness with the exception of him wearing nothing but a thong, sandals and forehead protector as he roared and reached her, grabbing onto her shoulders and slamming her onto the ground. Horror filled her soul as she found herself effectively pinned, his furious face right in front of her own.

And then his forehead in her mask, which shattered all over her face under the strenght of the headbutt. She yelped as her vision blurred for a moment and was then obstructed by the shards. Only one eye was left free to stare at the terrifying visage. Her opponent growled under his breath, and... Was that smoke coming out of his mouth?

Naruto reared his head back and then growled again right in her face, this time out loud. Sound and some kind of smoke came out of his mouth, washing all over her body and knocking away the shards of her mask and loosening the knot in her hair. In her fright she took a sharp in-take of breath...

"Grr... Ah... Oww, my head..." Suddenly, Naruto's head became clearer as whatever had made it hazy disappeared from his system. "What the hell... Why..."

Why the hell did she put on such heavy underwear and why the hell wasn't he taking her. "Uh? What are you doing under me?" Useless. She froze the damned thing lock to pieces and then... Glomped.

-Breakline-

Kakashi relaxed when the chakra disappeared, but then his nose caught that never forgotten far scent. His eyes bulged out of his sockets as he saw part of the mist become pink. "SAKURA! NASAL FILTERS! NOW!"

"Eh? O-Ok!" Sakura shouted back, extracting from her weapon pouch two pairs of the things, one for herself and one for Tazuna. "What-..."

"Stop talking! Only breath through your nose!" Kakashi extracted a pair himself and made a straight line for Zabuza just as his summons appeared and grasped all his limbs.

"Argh!" The Kiri missing nin cried out in pain as he found himself unable to move and Kakashi running straight at him. "D-Damn you, Kaka-"

"THE SAME GOES FOR YOU, DAMN IT!" Among the two, Kakashi was probably the most terrorized one, he thought as he stuck the plugs up Zabuza's nostrils. The latter only had death to look to. He could have to deal with an overly-horny Demon of the Mist with no nearby possibility of release. Heterosexual release... Well, there was Sakura but she sure wouldn't be willing... But if she got like that too... An outline for his own adult novel took shape in his mind as the pink mist descended upon them and he dispelled his dogs.

At this point Zabuza understood the hastiness and the reason of Kakashi's actions, but not why the hell he would be shielding him from it as well. In a few seconds the mist dissipated and Kakashi allowed himself to remove one plug to sniff. He sighed in relief. It seemed that to produce the permanent version the actual physical manifestation of the Kyuubi was needed. Naruto as a surrogate could be able to produce just a watered down version of it... When it came to it's existence, not to its effect, if the lower turmoil he felt came from just a small sniff of the thing.

Also, that confirmed to him something else. It may take centuries, but in time the pheromone was going to lose its strength and people could be born in Konoha again without risks of genetic modifications. If Naruto's self produced batch had affected him even if he was already 'modified', that meant that a really fresh batch of the stuff was much more effective than the lingering one they had in the village and lost its first impact potency very soon. After all, they all changed overnight when the Kyuubi attacked, while people born later on, even the very next day, took puberty or an year to change.

"... Alright." Zabuza very very slowly removed Kakashi's hand from his mouth. "Could you please enlighten me to just what the hell was all that about?"

"Well... I can't really tell you, sorry. It's a secret and..." Hearing a familiar sound, Kakashi blinked and turned to his right. "Huh. Seems like we might have another problem to take care of."

"Hmm?" Zabuza turned around and he peered through the mist, his control having been lost in surprise before and the remaining layer was quickly disappearing. The visage shown to him made his eyes widen and his stomach lurch. "... Huh... Indeed."

All in all, Kakashi forgot about Zabuza's protégée.

-Breakline-

"That was... Liberating..." She let out between ragged breaths, but for once, the exhaustion felt good. It wasn't the exhaustion that came because of a mission, or training, or a fight. It came from something that until-how much time had they been in there?-had been foreign to her.

"... Glad to discover you were a girl." Naruto let out the sigh he had been holding in as he stared up at the dome of ice his sudden partner had created for some privacy. "I was pretty scared when you jumped me with that look in your eyes. Believe me, I know looks."

"I didn't stay in control for much though, hn?" She said turning around on her left side, leaning her left cheek on her palm, sweat condensing on her skin and a small smile plastered on her lips.

"... Weren't we fighting to the death a while ago? Now you're making pillow talk? With no pillows?" He sighed as he sat up straight, her long kimono their only cover. "Also... Did you really have to keep him inside?" He pointed at a still unconscious Sasuke. "It was kinda creepy, you know."

"Well, I was a bit too preoccupied with something else to focus much on... Other measures." She chuckled at his embarrassment.

"Okay. Seriously though, our respective mentors are still duking it out, but right now it feels hella awkward to go back trying to kill each other. How are we..." That was when the knuckle knocked on the top of the ice dome.

"Naruto, Sasuke. You can come out now."

"Haku, get rid of this." Two voices said in almost simultaneity. Haku flushed and huddled a bit more of her kimono to her chest, realizing the predicament they would find themselves in.

"Ehm... I guess that answers your question." Slowly, she let the ice disappear as she shifted a bit closer to Naruto, to better share what little cover he had and the blonde swallowed. He now dreaded something that he had never found himself face to face with before.

"... Kakashi. WHAT THE HELL?" An infuriated parent figure.

"What happened to the ashes currently residing on the bridge right behind us, Zabuza." Kakashi explained, patting Zabuza's right shoulder with one hand as the missing nin pinched the bridge of his nose. Naruto smiled uneasily as Haku blushed even more and he threw a glance in the direction of equally embarrassed Sakura and Tazuna, even if they looked more pale than embarrassed.

"Kakashi-sensei, what happened?" Naruto said as he looked to his right. Indeed, there were ashes scattered a bit all over the bridge.

"Seems like Gatou had no intention of paying Zabuza like, ever. He brought a small army of thugs with him to take care of us all once we weakened each other. Then..." The Jounin pointed an index finger at the whiskered genin. "You happened."

"I... I happened?" Naruto repeated, confused. "What do you mean? All I remember is my vision and thoughts getting hazy and then when I came back to she... Oh." Then he remembered. "Oh!" Then he connected the dots. "... OH?" Then he connected more dots. "K-Kakashi-sensei, don't tell me that the mercenaries and Gatou..."

"We had knowledge and nasal plugs. They did not." Tazuna made puking noise as he tried to reign in his breakfast and Zabuza shivered for good measure too. "Biggest sausage-fest ever. We went a bit overkill with Katon while they were... Otherwise occupied."

"Oh, god..." Naruto felt like going to be sick himself, but then understood that this way he wouldn't have to go back to fight the girl he had just had sex with. He sighed. "Well, what happens now?"

"... I have a couple ideas." Zabuza said, narrowing his eyes at Naruto who just swallowed. He doubted the missing nin was a person he would be able to 'gross out' ever again. Unless he really degraded himself. He wasn't that desperate. Yet. May be. "But first, what the hell happened to the other guy?"

"Ah... Well..." The group turned as one to the peacefully sleeping Sasuke and Haku had the tendency to blush as everyone's gaze turned to his very wet and sticky looking pants. "I... I think I may have accidentally damaged his bulbospongious muscle."

"... Oh, gross!" Tazuna really lost his lunch, this time.

-Breakline-

"So... I guess everything ended well, didn't it?"

"Yeah... Tazuna is alive, Gatou is dead, Wave Country is safe again... All is right in the world."

"Yes, but... Kakashi-sensei..." Tsunami continued, as her three members family eyed warily the two new guests at their table. "I mean... Why are they..."

"Please, leave the second serving to me, Tsunami-san."

"My, aren't you a sweetheart." The woman replied cheerfully. "No, seriously. Why are they both here?"

"Because I want answers. And there's still the matter of responsibility."

"Z-Zabuza-sama!" Haku said, not relenting filling Tazuna's bowl with more rice as she blushed in embarrassment. "I've already told you! I was the one who... Well..."

"Because of something HE did!" Zabuza said, emphasizing the point by pointing in Naruto's direction. The genin cringed in retaliation.

"It... It was an accident..."

"That I understand. I doubt you wanted to get into MY pants as well, kid." He thought about it. Crotch in face. "You didn't, did you?"

"HELL NO!" Kakashi just chuckled at his student's predicament.

"Good. So? What the hell happened and why did it end up in making Haku deflower herself with you when before you had made her impossibly afraid of anything even remotely phallic-looking?" Haku squeaked and became as red as humanly possible.

"Ehm, I ca-Wait a minute, deflowered?" Naruto repeated, ever so slowly turning in the older girl's direction. "You were a..." Haku kept silent. "OH, FUCK ME!"

"My, Naruto-kun. Didn't you have enough, for today?" The room minus the ones directly involved and Inari shared a laugh at Naruto's expenses.

"Going to be time for that later-I mean talking about responsibility! Now I want to know what the hell happened on that bridge!" Zabuza continued and the streaking genin sighed, putting a hand in his hair as he looked to Kakashi for guidance.

"Well... Let's just say that because of a particular body condition combined with living in Konoha, under stress, Naruto can spontaneously produce... Well, the pheromone." Kakashi explained, even if the lie was more for Sakura and Sasuke, since even with that lie he had no doubt that Zabuza would put together that, the powerful chakra and what had happened to Haku together and discern. Kiri had his history with Jinchuuriki, after all.

"... Well... That's at the same terrible and... Incredibly useful, I guess." Sakura commented, having witnessed first-hand how Naruto had ended the battle with a much stronger opponent. Even if it was a male, making your opponent so horny that they couldn't think straight any more was a damn superb tactic. Though, a body condition? Exactly what did that mean?

"Yeaaaah... I don't think I'm ever going to do it consciously." Naruto shivered. "I mean, what if I end up like those guys you incinerated?"

"Good point." Kakashi conceded, while Zabuza thought about the situation and pinched the bridge of his nose. The brat wasn't only a pervert, he was the container of the Kyuubi. The Fourth Hokage couldn't finish the job properly, and that ended up making another victim.

"So, you mean to tell me that now Haku has become like everyone else from your damn village? Perfect. Just perfect." He sighed. He knew what the most logical course of action was, but... "Alright. Haku, tomorrow morning we're heading to the hideout to pack."

"Where to, Zabuza-sama?" Haku asked, disappointed but not surprised. They really had hunter nins after Zabuza, after all.

"Konoha. We're following these idiots back." Kakashi rolled his eyes and everyone else in the room gasped at the swordsman's declaration. "The brat did it? Now he takes responsibility. I guess it's time to stop wandering around."

"Z-Zabuza-sama..."

"Ehm, not to be trouble or anything... But exactly what do you mean by 'taking responsibility'?" Tazuna asked, curious.

"The brat marries Haku, of course." Naruto lost his hold on the table and most jaws went slack. Even Kakashi blinked owlishly in surprise. "It's only natural."

"... For a psychopatic murderer you're pretty old-fashioned, you know?"

"W-W-WAIT JUST A MINUTE!" Naruto shouted out and Zabuza levelled him with an ignored glare. "Marry? I'm too young to marry anyone! I'm just fourteen, damn it!"

"Consider yourself engaged, then." Naruto gaped at Zabuza's bluntness. "And be sure to keep her... Well, satisfied. If she starts degrading herself further because you couldn't uphold your marital duties... No amount of streaking will save you from my sword."

"... Oh, god..."

"Really old-fashioned."

"W-Wait a minute! You can't just decide something like that on your own!" Surprisingly, it was Sakura who intervened. "What about his feelings or if there's someone else? Heck, what about Haku-san's thoughts!"

"I... Don't really mind." Cue more slack jaws. Haku flushed cutely. "I mean, being a shinobi on the run, I've never given those kind of things any thought... But the thought is kind of... Appealing."

"B-B-But..."

"I could do much worse than Naruto-san. Also, I'm aware that he could have some situations involving him back home, but I'm sure we can work something out with the involved parties." She continued, amiably. Naruto knew right then that he was completely screwed.

"I'm... I'm... Going to see... How Sasuke is doing..."

-Breakline-

In the meanwhile, the last Uchiha had just woken up. Feeling completely relaxed. Calm. Constipated no more. For once, the strain of his restrained libido and the discomfort it caused him were nowhere to be found. He felt empty and completely relaxed.

All thanks to an attack. To a small pain that he liked, mostly because associating pain with what caused him the release. "... All thanks to a single senbon." He said out loud as he observed the object he now held in his hands, right out of his weapon pouch. "... Anatomy, huh?"

-Breakline-

"Just great. My first C-Rank mission and I end up with this mess..."

"But with a couple new comrades as well. Zabuza and Haku-san are really strong, aren't they? I thought you would be happy."

"The engagement part left me a bit biased on the thing." Naruto sighed, which did some interesting things to Tsunami's skin. "Ah, sorry."

"Nono. That was... Fine." She chuckled, putting him at ease. Then she sighed longingly. "I think I'm gonna miss you a lot, Naruto..."

"... I'll try and visit." And on top of that, now he felt sad. Damn it.

"I'm sure you will. Otherwise... I'll come looking for you." She grinned at him and pulled on his cheeks. "Now, try and focus on what you're doing. This is something that you need to practice on, you know."

"Sorry, ma'am." In the meanwhile, outside the sliding door, Sakura cursed her luck. She had been so certain that she would be able to get to 'console' Naruto but Tsunami had beaten her to the punch. Damn home advantage.

Well, no matter. There was always the trip back. _I guess I'll check up on Sasuke..._ Reigning in her needs and making a mental note to at least diminish them on her own later, she opened the door. "Sasuke-kun, how a-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT SENBON? WE'VE JUST HEALED YOU!"

_To be continued..._

_In the next chapter:_

Naruto comes back home from his first C-Rank Mission and as events start to brew at the horizon, he discovers things about himself and his techniques. Then, someone comes and makes it all weird again. Stay tuned!


	10. Chapter 9

Aaaand there we go! The newest Sexplosion chapter! This chapter contains yet again one of the latest snippets written by the original creator and owner of this story, Legendary Legacy. The reserve is running out, though. Just two left. One you're going to see just later on in the story. The other... I shall see.

Been a long time coming, huh? Well, to tell you the truth, half of this chapter had been laid down before October, but with everything going on and No Limits, it reached completion only recently.

As always, it's been posted here a week (in this chapter's case, ten days) after it's been posted on my blog, Storie In Rosso, on Blogspot. If you don't want to miss this earlier release, as always I advise you to add me on Facebook, Twitter or Google+ or to just subscribe to my site. Good? Good.

Now, enjoy!

**Sexplosion**

**Chapter9: It's new years**

"Hmmm... When is onii-chan coming home?"

"You miss Sasuke so much, Kohana? That's so sweet of you." Shina said with a smile as she observed the youngest Uchiha pout while seating at the table, poking at her lunch with a spoon.

"Yeah... Kohana-chan doesn't have anyone to play with in the morning... And in the afternoon... And before going to bed."

"... That so." Shina smiled a bit forcefully as she understood Kohana was referring to the three times a day the eight years old usually sent their brother flying with one of her throws. "Don't worry, Kohana. I'm sure Sasuke will be back..."

"Tadaima.*" (*I'm back)

"... Right now." Shina said as she observed Kohana sprint out of her seat to the door where Sasuke was in the process of removing his shoes.

"Oniiiiiiiiii-chan!" The battle cry was enough of a warning. His whole body was ready and his chakra immediately focused in his eyes, tomoes making their appearance. "Aiiii-huh?"

"Hmph." Kohana found herself grasping at air. Shina had reached them as well and upon laying her eyes on her two siblings gasped. One, Sasuke had just dodged Kohana grab. It was the first time it happened and his satisfaction showed by his smirk. Two, Sasuke's eyes.

"Sasuke! You..."

"The mission went well." Sasuke simply answered as Kohana kept on trying to grab onto him. "We accomplished our objective, I've awakened the Sharingan and I've got to fight strong opponents..." Then his eyes narrowed. "And I learned that sometimes threats come from unexpected sources." Then he acquired a neutral face. "Solutions too."

"Okay. So, it was eventful. Nonetheless, I'm happy to see that you're back. And in time for new year's, too." That comment made Sasuke confused.

"New year's?" He blinked. "It's December already?"

Shina was confused at the question. "You've graduated a month after the Kyuubi festival, which was in October, then spent three weeks for registration and the first missions and now you've been gone for almost a month. It is now the 27th of December."

"I didn't reali-AH!"

"An opening!" Kohana took advantage of her brother's moment of distraction and managed to make him reach the kitchen and then hit the counter if the sound of clashing pottery was any indication. Shina smiled at the eight years old's antics even if she couldn't suppress a wince at Sasuke's harsh stop. She moved to the kitchen while Kohana counted the meters he had travelled to find him sitting against the counter, a pot on his head.

"By the way, about new year's, Sasuke..."

"Hmm?"

-Break-

"I'm back!"

"Sakura, honey! I'll be right down!" She heard her mother's voice coming from upstairs as she removed her shoes. The young kunoichi sighed in relief as she let herself fall on the nearby sofa. On the road you learn to miss those little comforts. One month far from home...

"... And I still couldn't do it." Sakura said with a pout. She had been trying all the return trip to get into Naruto's tent to finally hit the next level in their 'training' but it was like Zabuza had taken to be his bodyguard, with the difference that he wouldn't let him be alone with any female being but Haku, who had learned quite easily to just let go and surrender to the urges. "Well, the freak won't be able to keep him exclusive forever." Not in this village. Sakura would just have to be patient.

"Sakura, welcome back." She blinked at the unfamiliar voice and raised her head to lay eyes on her brother.

"Nori? Where have you been?" Sakura asked to which the scarf-wearing boy replied with a confused stare.

"Uuuh... Home? You know, hiding my hair? Getting harassed by Inoji? Not being a ninja?" On that last point, Nori suddenly pouted. "You had another crisis, didn't you?" Sakura stared but then nodded.

"Not today, no. Sorry... I guess it's been a while since I last saw you..."

"I mean, as a ninja I could learn Henge... But noooo, too dangerous even if Sakura already is one. At least let me dye them but nooo, guilt trip..." Sakura sweatdropped but then again, she understood. On her the hair went with the name. It was classy. On Nori... Poor little brother. "Well, whatever. By the way, did mom already tell you about your invite for new year's?"

"Huh?" That left her intrigued. "What invite?"

To that Nori grinned like the cat that ate the proverbial canary. "Uchiha."

-Break-

"Damn it, Naruto."

"I didn't do it on purpose..." The blonde only could present this weak defence in front of an audience made up of an amused Sandaime, a facepalming Iruka, a grinning Kakashi, a frowning Zabuza and a smiling Haku.

"Why, oh why couldn't you have been a cold hearted sonuvabitch and do a hit-and-run-No offence."

"None taken." She just kept on smiling.

"It would have been less troublesome to deal with. Less paperwork, that's for sure." Iruka finished before raising his head from his hands and stare at the missing nin. "So... You want to stay in Konoha."

"We are staying in Konoha." Zabuza affirmed as he again laid eyes on Naruto who for the umpteenth time that day, shivered in fear. "He's not going to get out of this, come Raikage or Kazekage."

"Huh... Rain or wind?"

"That." Zabuza confirmed and Iruka felt an incoming headache.

"Zabuza... san." The chunin managed to let out. "It's not that simple. You're a missing nin, and..."

"Oh, it's fine."

"H-Hokage-sama!"

"Jii-san!" Kakashi was enjoying this way too much.

"I have met the new Mizukage and she's quite the smart and understanding woman... Among other things." The Hokage let out a barely audible perverted giggle. It was Naruto's turn to facepalm. "I'm sure we will be able to work something out."

"... New Mizukage?" While Zabuza thought about just how out of touch with the world he had ended up while being on the run, the Hokage looked for some papers in his right top drawer.

"As long as Zabuza-san understands that living here implies some... Side-effects and acts accordingly, I feel we'll all get along fine. I suppose you two will want to live with Naruto?"

"Yes."

"Don't I get a say in this?"

"No."

"B-But... Small! My house is small!"

"Time for a real estate tour, then. You're moving." Naruto gasped in outrage. "The money I have saved up is not enough for a revolution, but it sure is enough for buying a house."

"Very well. I'm going to have someone ready to show you around later this afternoon. Naruto, why don't you show them around in the meanwhile?" Naruto gasped some more, moving his head from person looking for some kind of help, but found none. His posture slumped.

"Fine. Welcome to Konoha." The youngest shinobi in the room led his newest 'friends' out of the room leaving the three other Konoha shinobi alone.

"That. Was. Fantastic, Hokage-sama. The look of outrage on Naruto's face..."

"Fantastic, he says!" Iruka raged. "Hokage-sama, Naruto isn't-"

"Happy with the arranging. For now." That made Iruka confused. "You'll see what I mean soon enough. Also, if there ever where rules against polygamy in this village, they would have been abolished long ago."

"... True." The chunin admitted. Kakashi chuckled.

"Hokage-sama, regarding Naruto's situation, I have some interesting news."

-Break-

"That's the Hokage monument, the hospital's that way and that's the pharmacy."

"Those are quite... Strange touristic guidelines, Naruto-san." Haku commented and Naruto couldn't help but sigh.

"Believe me. Here, they are the most important sites ever." He refrained from elaborating further, confident that both ex-Kiri nins would be able to discern everything on their own. "Got this ingrained into me the very first... Day."

"Good save. Brat, by the way..." Zabuza suddenly put a hand on his right shoulder to make him stop and turn around. "When one has to... You know. How does it work?"

"Huh? Why do you ask?"

"Why do you think?" Zabuza said calmly, his eyes narrowing. Then it dawned on Naruto.

"Ah. Ehm... Well, I don't really know... I mean..." He groaned. "I don't know. I never really had to ask."

"What do you mean?" He guessed he could tell them. Zabuza already knew, Kakashi had told him and Haku would guess soon enough. She was too smart.

"Because of my particular condition I don't have the same massive urges as anyone else." Naruto admitted. "Don't tell anyone."

"Hmm... It's a good thing but it leaves me in a predicament." Zabuza observed, arms crossed. Naruto could just laugh sheepishly.

"Well, I think you just have to go and ask." The Jounin raised an eyebrow at him. "Seriously. It's common courtesy. There aren't too many, if any, traditionalists like you in Konoha. That's what Ayame-neechan and Iruka sensei said."

"... So I just have to ask." Zabuza repeated and he began looking around. Naruto and Haku followed his gaze till it rested on a young woman with red hair near struggling to carry a crate. Zabuza looked at Naruto. Naruto shrugged his shoulders.

The Jounin walked to the woman and took the heavy load off her hands. She looked surprised for a few seconds but she smiled and accepted the help, the Jounin carrying the heavy load inside a nearby shop.

Ten minutes later, he still hadn't come out. "... I think he's gonna be able to find my house on his own."

"Yes." Haku flushed a little. "Ano, Naruto-san, a question."

"What?" The blonde answered as they started walking again.

"If you never... Well, how did you get that much... Experience?" It was Naruto's turn to blush.

"Well..."

"Ehm, sorry to bother you..." They suddenly stopped walking when an unfamiliar voice called for their attention. It was a young woman, eighteen years old or so, short black hair. Kimono, looking rather flushed in the face. "But... I kind of... Need some... Help."

"... Well, not like this, it's the first time it's happened to me, but you get the gist." Naruto finished and shifted his attention to the girl. "Huu, miss..."

"Mai."

"Mai. I'm willing to help, but, would you mind following me home?" The girl shook her head.

"As long as we get there soon. God, I took care of it just a couple hours ago. What's with me, today..." The girl said, falling into step behind Naruto, with Haku observing the exchange, surprised. She guessed it really was common courtesy.

-Break-

A few hours later, Haku had finished putting away her and Zabuza's luggage while trying to ignore the noises coming from the apartment's bedroom. They had ended half an hour ago and she had then heard the shower being turned on.

"Thanks for the help. Goodbye." Out came the girl, fresh out of the shower and all smiles if a bit shaky. After the front door closed behind her, out also came Naruto, wearing his pants and a towel over his shoulders.

"Does it usually take that much?" Naruto shook his head as he opened the fridge for something to drink.

"No. From what I've read to quell the urge it only takes one... Well, you know." He said with a flush and a sigh. "I think she liked the service. And stuck around for more."

"Oh." Haku commented, pink on her cheeks. Then smiling slightly. "Can't really blame her."

"Ehm, thanks?" Naruto offered while the door opened again, revealing Zabuza. "Yo."

"Who was that?" He asked. Naruto flinched. He was expecting that, sooner or later.

"A young lady who Naruto-san was gentle enough to help." Haku answered for him. The Jounin seemed to weight the answer for a little bit before sighing.

"Well, if Haku is okay with it..."

"I was warned that Naruto-san wouldn't be able to keep himself exclusive to me." Haku answered. "It's just something I will have to get used to. It would help if your partners weren't that... Vocal."

"Ehm, speaking of partners, what took you so long, Zabuza?" Naruto dodged another potential bullet.

"Luck would be, the girl is a real estate agent. And she showed me a good place. Large and cheap." He commented as he took off his bandages. "Time for a quick shower and then we can go check it out again."

-Break-

"Absolutely not! Are you crazy?"

"Please, Sasuke..." She had foretold this kind of reaction.

"You want to invite complete strangers and dangerous perverts inside our home? Are you nuts? And you went behind my back with this! It's the last straw, Shina!" Sasuke continued, his rage punctuated by the vast movements of his arms and his still active Sharingan.

"Sasuke. I'm the last person you can hope to intimidate, so stop acting like this and listen, or I'll make you." That gave him pause. Shina couldn't harm him physically, obviously, but the girl had other potential means of payback, some downright dangerous for his mental health. She was the one taking care of most of the house, after all. "You remember when we decided how to split the clan duties?"

"Yes, of course." It had actually happened. That kind of discussion between an eight and seven years old can sound farfetched if you don't consider that they've been forced to grow up early. "The matters of honour to me, to you the inner and outer workings of the clan."

"And I think that this falls into my side of the field. If our clan is to thrive once again, we can't hole up. We must interact with other people aside from family." Also, a clan can't be made up of only five people but she bet Sasuke would get an aneurysm if she brought it up right now. "And, I didn't do this 'behind your back'. You've been gone for weeks and these kind of things take time to organize. I can't just put every decision on hold till you get home. And since this is going to happen more and more often, you have no choice but to trust your sister."

"... Damn it." He admitted. He realized that indeed, in the future there was the probability of him not being home for long periods of time.

"Now, regarding the new year's party, I didn't invite hooligans nor complete strangers. I just invited Gai-sensei and his team plus the other graduating teams from your year, since they all include future clan heirs. Now, regarding your team I've already conveyed the invite through Haruno-san's parents."

"How do you know about Sa-Damn it, Naruto!"

"That only leaves Naruto-san. I'd appreciate if you invited him yourself." Sasuke frowned and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Why? Couldn't you have gone to his parents as you did with Sakura?" He was met with a sad stare. He raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"He didn't tell you, I guess." She answered, smiling sadly. "Naruto-san doesn't have parents."

"... You mean he's a..." Shina nodded. "Well, what about his guardians? Or other..." He was met with silence. "Don't tell me."

"Naruto-san doesn't have a living relative in the world nor does he live with any guardians." Sasuke's mouth parted slightly at that. The perverted idiot lived alone? He thought about it for a few seconds before sighing.

"No wonder he turned out like that." He mumbled under his breath. Shina stared confused. "Alright. I'll invite him and I'll let you do this, but on one condition."

"What is it, Sasuke?" Shina asked, smiling but a bit curious.

"All the guests will have to have taken care of their urges right before the start of the evening. That is mandatory." He growled. The female Uchiha chuckled and nodded in approval. That settled, Sasuke sighed and put on his shoes again, going outside with the intention of finding out where Naruto lived. He headed for the main gate of the complex.

"Eeeh? Sasuke? What are you doing here?" He stopped opening the door when he laid his eyes on said blonde walking in front of his home alongside Zabuza and Haku. "Ah, right! This is your home! Wow, what a coincidence!"

"Naruto, what are you doing here?" Sasuke asked. He knew for certain that he and his sisters were the only people living in the entire district. They had sold most of it, but because the Uchiha were living there before, adding the mass murder, no one ever bought them-Wait a minute. "You bought the house next door, didn't you?"

"Yeah! Damn, we'll be neighbours. Kind of cool." He commented and Sasuke sighed, holding the bridge of his nose. Of all the ways for the district to start getting inhabited again. "You were going out so soon after coming back? Where to?"

"... Looking for you. You're all officially invited to dinner for New Year's." That made Naruto blink in confusion. "Hump bitches before coming. Not negotiable."

"... Sasuke, are you high?"

-Break-

"Hanabi..."

"Yes, father?"

"I haven't seen your cousin around recently either. Is she ill?"

"... Well..."

-Break-

"That... Goes in... And then... It gets bigger..." Hotaru kept on rocking in a fetal position, hugging her precious novel to her chest. "Sex is scaryyyyyy!"

-Break-

"She has some thinking to do. Let's leave it at that."

-Break-

"How much longer till we get there?"

"One more turn... And there it is!" Naruto presented his two new room-mates with his favourite place, pointing at some familiar looking drapes. In a rush, he ran ahead of Haku and Zabuza. "Hey! I'm back!"

"Naruto!" A melodious feminine voice echoed from inside the stall. Zabuza and Haku parted the tents to reveal a pretty auburn haired girl leaning over the counter to plaster a loving kiss on Naruto's lips.

"I guess that's your 'situation', Haku." Zabuza declared while scratching the hem of the black turtle-neck and face mask Kakashi had lent him. Till he bough some new clothes. Konoha was a bit colder than Kiri, it seemed. Also, it would help his integration if he stopped donning his Kiri attire.

"I noticed, Zabuza-sama." Haku observed, reading in the gesture a particular affection. There wasn't just lust in the girl's actions.

"Damn you and your long term missions... Huh?" She then noticed the stares and got back on her feet behind the counter to observe the duo. "Friends of yours, Naruto?"

"Yeah." A bit flustered, mostly because of the introductions coming, Naruto cleared his voice and gestured with his body to the duo from Kiri. "Ayame nee-chan, these are Haku and Zabuza. I met them on my mission."

"It's a pleasure, Ayame-san." Zabuza just nodded while Haku bowed courteously to the woman.

"... Damn, you're pretty." Ayame deadpanned as she observed Haku and her overall behaviour, which caused the kiri girl to stare in confusion. The ramen girl then coughed in her fist. "Ehm, I guess you're here for dinner?"

"Yeah! I'll start with some pork and... What will you guys take?" The two each took a seat on a side of Naruto, with Zabuza shrugging his shoulders.

"Don't know. Guess whatever the shrimp'll have. Not in the same quantities, mind you." Haku chuckled at Naruto's embarrassed expression.

"I'll have some miso myself, Ayame-san."

"Too pretty. And too well behaved." Ayame deadpanned again. She then turned to Naruto with a smirk. "Are you going to bring back a pretty girl every time you go on a mission, Naruto?"

"Ehm, actually, nee-chan..."

"She's not a 'pretty girl'. She's his fiancée." Zabuza declared, making Naruto palm his face. Ayame blinked and ever so slowly turned in Zabuza's direction.

"... What?"

"Naruto-san and I are to be married. In due time." Haku declared and that caused Ayame to turn in her direction, this time.

"Naruto. Explain."

After a few minutes of exposure (stop laughing), Ayame had an overall solid story on her hands. A shotgun-well, Kubikiri Houcho-wedding. "For hell's-And your teacher didn't say anything?"

"He offered to be my best man." Ayame slapped her forehead. Loudly.

"If I may." Haku decided to intervene. She had Ayame's attention. "Naruto-san had warned us that there may be some previous connections waiting for him back home. I assure you that I have no intention of 'hogging him all to myself', as they say."

"You're pretty open minded about this." Ayame raise an eyebrow, suspicious.

"I haven't had any experience at all until I met Naruto-san. So, better to enter this open minded, ne?"

"Hmm..." Ayame rubbed her chin as she observed the younger girl in front of her. She seemed truthful enough but she couldn't really trust someone she had just met. She could just be a good liar. She needed to test her, on something. Then, she smiled maliciously as the perfect test came to her mind. "How open minded are we talking about, here?"

"Huh?" The trio in front of her stared, confused by her words. Then Zabuza's chopsticks snapped in half, Naruto spat out noodles and Haku blushed profusely. "Ah! I-Ehm, I don't-I never-!"

"I can't just take your word for it, can I? I need to see if we will be able to get along. Real along. Also, If you want to stay by Naruto's side, you'll need some training." Mostly to stave off nutty hunters with purple hair, she thought as she leaned forward on the counter.

"I-I guess..." Haku replied and timidly lowered her head. Ayame almost squealed at how cute she looked while her father groaned. Good thing it was late enough.

"Good. Now, let me show you where Naruto had his first time." Ayame said as she grabbed the black haired girl and dragged her to the back room, usual sign on the door. Zabuza and Naruto recovered body control after that.

"And Haku's the one who's open minded?" Zabuza asked Naruto. He had told Naruto that he would kill him if Haku had to have sex with anyone else but him, but girls? In the meanwhile, Naruto was trying to find something, anything intelligible to say as to not let Zabuza have any reason to hit him, but all that he could think about was...

"Think they would mind if I joined half-way?"

-Break-

It was the talk of town. Well, of a small circle of people, actually. Shina was that good. Ino had been persuaded into silence by the simple observation that Sasuke wouldn't like clamour around this very private party, lest their tranquillity be disturbed. Ino's mind did the rest.

Each one couldn't wait for the day to come, each for his own reasons. Food, black haired boys, blonde boys, nothing... Well, the last one didn't exactly 'excite' its thinker. Of course, the wait wasn't restricted to the ones invited to the Uchiha party. Everyone celebrated new year's. After the uneventful days before, since no one in Naruto's world born on those days ever died for their sins, it was finally the last day of the year: December the 31th.

"And as I said, no, I haven't been feeling the urges in days." And everyone spent it in their own way.

"Ever since you were serviced by the young Uzumaki, right?" The young girl nodded.

"That's right, uncle. So strange..." Mai commented as she put a finger to her lips. Sure, he had been awfully good but good or bad nothing like this had ever happened to her.

"I understand." The scarred man got up from his seating position, taking a hold of his walking cane once again. "Thanks for indulging an old man, Mai."

"You're welcome, uncle Danzo." The girl answered as she collected the tea cups, an early new year's gift from her uncle, along with a box of foreign tea which she had found quite good. Even if she had only used it once. "... You don't think there's something wrong with me, do you?"

"Dear if anything, I'd say you've been blessed." The man answered with a smile which confused the young girl. "See you tonight." This was the proof he needed. Alongside the reports about the housewives from his D-Rank missions this was all that he needed. It was time to approach him.

"Yes... See you later, uncle." Mai observed the man till he was out of the door, leaving her to think about her recently resurfaced uncle. It was nice that he wanted to be part of the family again but it was weird how she doted on her. Maybe it was because he never had had children himself? She shrugged. It was kind of nice to have an adult detached enough that she could talk freely about everything with. Speaking of which...

She chuckled as she thought about the reason of her newest predicament. She may not need to have sex any more but she wouldn't mind another round with the 'demon'. Seemed like Anko-senpai had good taste.

-Break-

"Will you hurry it up?"

"We're done, we're done!" Naruto replied as he opened the door, putting his kimono back on while Haku adjusted her obi. "Sorry! It's just that Haku took longer than-"

"Don't. Let's just go." Zabuza declared, rolling his eyes and rubbing his uncovered chin. "We still have enough time. I was just bored of waiting in the kitchen."

"Sorry about that, Zabuza-sama." Haku answered as she finished straightening her own kimono and put on her zori, mimicked by her betrothed.

"It's fine. We're going to have dinner at our neighbours' house, after all. I just wanted to go early to get acquainted with them and maybe help with the last preparations. It's common courtesy." Zabuza declared as he opened the door and let out his two protects before closing it behind him.

"Hmm... It's still creepy." Naruto commented as he observed the neighbourhood. All the houses in the district with the exception of Sasuke's and his own were dark and the street-lights didn't really help much. "It's gonna take a while getting used to it."

"Still... I like it here." Haku declared and after a few seconds Naruto couldn't help but sigh and Zabuza's expression softened as well. This was probably the first real home Haku had in a long time.

And marriage pending over his head non-withstanding he liked the changes the last few days had brought. A new house, two people to share it with, even becoming Sasuke's neighbour was a good novelty. Also, Haku had fortunately quickly adjusted herself to life in Konoha, thanks mostly to Ayame and that led Zabuza to cut him some slack to appease his surrogate daughter.

He thought about how his life had been just a few months ago. It seemed like someone else's life. He was a ninja, he was making friends, he had learned the grossest jutsu ever, he was even engaged. The latter two had to be taken with a grain of salt, but life. Was. Good.

"Uzumaki-san." That's when an unfamiliar voice let itself be heard. The trio turned around, Zabuza surprised that he almost didn't hear the man approaching.

"Huh? Who are you?" There was something familiar about him. He had seen him around the Sandaime's office, if he remembered correctly.

"I am named Danzo, Uzumaki-san. A good evening and a good new year to you." He said amiably, his only visible eye closed. "If I may steal a few minutes of your time, there's something I'd like to talk to you about."

"Huh? Well..." He turned to the Kiri nin. "Do we have enough time?"

"... We do." Zabuza commented as he tried to discern the man's level of possible threat. He didn't feel ill intent but something was... Off. In a strange although still bad way.

"Oh, well... As long as we keep it in the neighbourhood."

"Of course. Shall we?" The scarred elder leading the way, Naruto walked off. Zabuza stared in their direction till they disappeared.

-Break-

"... What's this place?"

"This is the old police station." Danzo opened the door that let them into the now abandoned building. Like most buildings in the area it had started to show signs of decay. "It's been abandoned ever since the Uchiha clan was wiped out, since they made up the majority of the force."

"Huh." Naruto followed the man as they walked and reached the stairs to the roof. "I heard about it... I was too little to really remember, though."

"Of course. Still, the fact remains that in one night a whole clan was wiped out... And again, the reason is to be sought back to your tenant's attack, Naruto-san." That gave the blonde pause. The older man didn't stop. "The Uchiha were a great clan but the exposure to the Kyuubi's pheromone made them succumb to their basest desires and then they twisted and perverted them beyond logic."

"... And then?" Naruto kept walking, seeing no spite coming from the man who also kept to differentiate between himself and the bijuu.

"Then a young mind snapped. And retaliated." The door to the roof opened and in a couple more steps the two found themselves staring at night-time Konoha. "I can't say that some of it wasn't themselves but without the Kyuubi the conditions wouldn't have been met to begin with. On that fateful day, our village was cursed. Forever, maybe."

"... Well, so? You wanted to only give me an history lesson?" Naruto turned to stare, bored. Until now, he had only understood that this old man shared Sasuke's opinion in regards to at least the village's situation, if not sex.

"Tell me, Uzumaki-san. How many times do you have sex in a week?" Naruto flushed. What the hell? "Please, do answer. I want you to reason. And I know you're immune to the pheromone. You don't need to put up a fake image for me."

"Hmm..." Naruto put a hand to his chin, thinking about it. He hated math but more or less, if a normal day was like the ones he had had in the last few days... "35?"

"How many times with the same partner?"

"What's your point?" The young genin exclaimed. The man just 'stared' back. Naruto pouted and crossed his arms. "Once, twice."

"And I know for a fact that your 'betrothed' doesn't have any other partners, right? Well, let me tell you something, Uzumaki-san." Naruto blinked at the sudden change of tone in the old man's voice. "People living in this village normally need to release themselves at least once or twice... A day. That's the statistic."

"... Heh?" Naruto raised an eyebrow, confused. Ayame wasn't that needy nor was Haku. "How's that... I mean, it doesn't add up."

"It certainly is strange, isn't it? It's like they suddenly don't feel the urges any more. Just like you." Danzo stopped talking and waited a few seconds for the gears in Naruto's brain to turn. When the boy's eyes widened and his jaw dropped he continued. "Yes, Uzumaki-san. That is so. I must confess, I once thought of you as the source of our problems but I realized that you instead are its solution. Your condition... Is a gift. A gift from the heavens, for us."

"... So, let me get this straight." Naruto said, trying to come to grips with what the war-damaged old man was telling him. "You're saying that because the Kyubi grants me immunity to its own pheromone, whenever I have sex with someone it somehow passes on that same immunity to them?"

Danzo nodded firmly. "That is correct, Uzumaki-san. And with your help, we can finally turn our great village back to normal, to restore the honor, dignity and glory that we lost on that night so many years ago."

"But how? I mean, are you asking me to just go around...curing people one at a time? That could take months! Even I don't have that kind of stamina!"

"I realize that I may be asking a lot of you, Uzumaki-san, but please consider this: you would be helping to rid this village of a sickness that has plagued us since the day you were born. Over fourteen years, we've had to live with these unbearable cravings, never able to find release, only quelling it temporarily. But you, my boy, could be our salvation. You can save this village, right the horrible wrong that was brought upon us by the Kyubi."

He place his hand on Naruto's shoulder, and jerked his own head out toward the rest of the village. "And everyone will know it was you who saved us. You would be seen as a hero, Uzumaki-san. The greatest hero that Konohagakure has ever known!"

Stars appeared in Naruto's eyes as he envisioned such a thing. Legions of people acknowledging him, cheering for him, telling him what a great and wonderful person he was for saving them from their torment. Being carried around town on the shoulders of grateful men and women and-

The fantasy came to a screeching halt as another thought occurred to him. "Wait a minute. Even if I do cure all the women in the village, what do you plan to do about the men?"

Danzo appeared as though it was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. "Well obviously you're going to have to cure them as well-COME BACK HERE!"

-Break-

"Freaking-Hey! Open this door, quickly! QUICKLY!" Naruto banged on the front door of the Uchiha compound, his back plastered to it as his head shot from left to right and back to the front again and again. Shit, he forgot upwards. Much to his relief, it opened soon. He dove straight in, dodging his savior on the way in as he threw himself on the ground. Back first. "SAFE!"

"Naruto-san?" A voice asked from above and in front of him as the sound of a door closing reached his ears. "What's wrong?"

"You won't believe it even if I tell you." He raised his head with a groan to address the female addressing him. "Thanks for the speed, by the-Huh."

And that was when he realized that while clothes didn't make the man-well, the girl-, they certainly helped in bringing out certain qualities. "It was no problem... But exactly what were you running from?" Shina usually wore traditional clothes, yeah, but the Yukata she was wearing that evening... "... Naruto-san?"

"Ah! S-Sorry for staring!" He immediately got back on his feet and brushed the dust off. Indeed, Shina wasn't just a traditional girl, she was a traditional beauty. "It's just... It's a very nice Yukata, you know..."

"Oh. Well, thanks. I'm happy you think so, Naruto-san." Shina raised her arms and slowly pivoted on herself so that Naruto could observe everything. The garment had the motive of a starred night-sky, with a cream sash holding everything together and a red circlet with an ornamental flower completing the get-up. Once she did a full 360, she stopped again, gifting Naruto with a pretty smile. "I spent a lot of time choosing it."

"Good job. It really, really suits you, Shina-chan." Naruto continued with a nod. Shina chuckled, bringing a sleeve of her Yukata to cover her mouth. Then she walked by Naruto's side and latched her right arm around his left one.

"Well, since you're the first to compliment me on this, you get to sit near the hosts, Naruto-san." As she lead him inside, Naruto couldn't help but flush. "Naruto-san has arrived."

"Hi, Naruto." Naruto waved at Sakura who was joined by Ino in waving at him before they both started talking to each other again. Surprisingly, they were ignoring Sasuke. If the nervousness he was displaying sitting by himself under the porch, was anything to go by, he feared their discussion. They were just preparing, maybe.

"Yoh." He waved at Choji and Shikamaru as they waved at him from one corner of the garden, seemingly intent on observing the flowers and-Was that a salami he was seeing hanging out of Choji's sleeve?

"Naruto! Finally arrived!" He turned to see Kiba approaching him quickly in a dark blue yukata, leaving a silent shino clad in dark grey 'speaking' to Zabuza and Haku who had also noticed his arrival. "What kept you? Your protector and new sweetheart there, were starting to get worried!"

"Were they, now..." The gazes they were sending his way were questioning. He sent one back that said 'not now'. If he was to confess what had just happened to him he would need privacy and lots of it. Mostly because of the secrets. Not because of the indecent proposal. No, sir. "So, how it's been going for you?"

"AWESOME! Our new teacher took me and Shino for a test drive on the first day and..." The glare on the back of his head. He turned around and saw Sasuke promising death if he didn't watch his mouth around her sister. Then he noticed her grasping on Naruto's arm. The glare intensified two-folds, this time directed at his team-mate.

"Ehm, Shina-chan, I think it would be better if you let go of me before your brother tries to kill me again." Shina chuckled, remembering the story Naruto had told her before slowly letting go of him.

"I'll go help my sisters finish preparing. They're probably having some trouble with Kohana." Shina bowed slightly and walked to the house, under the gaze of the two trouble-makers. When he was sure Sasuke was looking elsewhere, Kiba let out a whistle.

"Damn. I can't wait for her to get of age."

"Do you always have to have your mind in the gutter, Kiba?"

"How can I not? This is the life, Naruto! This is the life! You know we actually met some foreign genins on one of our latest missions? Collaborative with grass. The girl was all like 'get anywhere near me and I'll gouge your eyes out' but the guys were all 'You lucky son of a bitch'. Being born in Konoha is the best thing ever!" Naruto rolled his eyes and then a thought came to him.

"You like it that much? But what would you if someone suddenly found a cure for the whole situation?"

"I would kill him." Naruto snorted but stopped his laughter cold when he saw the dead serious expression on Kiba's face. "I'm not kidding. If I ever hear someone successfully finding a cure for this? I'm gonna kill him. And I think lots of other guys in the village will help."

"... True that." And now, another weight on his back, finally. He remembered that episode from his childhood, the grateful drunks. If word started going around that he was a living cure for Konoha... If they didn't hate him for being the container of the source, they would hate him for being its cure. Darn it! "Ehm, by the way, where's your third team-mate?"

"Hinata, you mean? She should be arriving-"

"EEEEP!" The two snapped their necks to the side to see a white blur hiding behind a bush, followed by the gazes of her companions. Two younger girls both with black hair and white eyes, except in different styles, another girl around his own-oh, wait. That was a guy.

A guy with long hair and an exposed, unscathed forehead, shouldered by a girl with brown hair in buns... And a father and son. There was no other way to explain how two people could have that same pair of eyebrows. Gigantic eyebrows.

"Hi-Hinata-neesama!" The girl with the shorter hair, combed with the complicity of a flower pin, said as she and the other with longer hair knelt beside the bush. "What's wrong?"

"Hmm..." Naruto didn't miss the evaluating look the latter sent his way before trying to get who he guessed was Hinata out of the bush. The man-chick just sighed, like he was expecting something like this to happen. The bun-haired girl just chuckled and then smirked, suddenly putting a hand inside the sleeve of her yukata.

"Want me to reel her out?"

"Please don't." He retorted. Ruby lips pouted as she pulled her hand out of the sleeve, still vacant.

"Gay-yaji! Lee-niichan!" Naruto almost got knocked to the ground as something suddenly pit-pattered past him with strength he wouldn't have thought possible coming from such a small girl. Kohana, after getting her Yukata on (How could she move that fast in that thing?), had rocketed out of her house to the two eyebrows.

"Aaah! Kohana-chan!" The younger of the two, who he guessed was called Lee, knelt down and picked the girl up, holding her above him in the air. "Your youth shines as brightly as ever!"

"Did you keep up your training?" The older one asked while the youngest Uchiha alive was set back down on the floor. She nodded with a 'Um'.

"Yeah! You can ask Sasuke-nii!" At that, he heard a loud groan coming out of Sasuke's mouth.

"Naruto-san! Finally here!" Naruto turned around again, laying eyes on the more aggressive of the Uchiha triplets, her hair still arranged in cute pigtails, held together by kitty bands, but the Yukata contributed to giving her a more elegant look than usual. It helped that there was no extra skin exposed. As Kiba gaped, she suddenly latched onto his arm like Shina had done before. "Girls don't like to be kept waiting, you know?"

"Ah... Ehm, I'm sorry. I was sidetracked." Kiba's mouth slowly closed and he walked away saying something as 'How the hell does he do it?', even if Sasuke's glare was back. Unlike her sister though, Sorano didn't seem to notice or care.

"Hmm, were you, now... Well, I guess you can be excused since I only just now finished putting this thing on. Honestly, such a bother, female yukata..." Sorano continued as he led him away from the spot where he had stopped, closer to the house, tightening his grip on his arm.

_'... Isn't she the early bloomer.'_ That led him to discover that while having been born on the same day and sharing many common qualities, the three triplets had started drifting apart with time when it came to development. "Is it?"

"Yeah! It takes a long time to put on and it's uncomfortable! It grips my chest and stomach so hard..." Sorano moaned out her displeasure, which, though, came out as something else entirely, causing Naruto to blush.

"Will you stop acting like a bitch in heat?" The whole thing was broken up by the last Uchiha missing, and Naruto's heart skipped a beat there.

"I-Ileyana-chan?" His mouth dropped open. "That really you?" He really couldn't recognize her at first glance. The girl just stared back placidly.

"... Naruto-san." She nodded while Naruto kept on taking in her appearance. She had only seen her twice in his life but this change was incredible. That had probably to do with the fact that one, she was wearing a clearly feminine yukata, dark blue with red flowers, with a decorated sash. The touch though was the circlet. She had kept on letting her hair grow to the point that now she needed a circlet to keep the bangs out of her eyes, exposing her face. And finally, was that a touch of eye-shadow? "... Do I look that strange?"

"Ah! N-No!" In a hurry to excuse himself, he got out of Sorano's grip, who frowned. "You look good! Really pretty! It's just that... You look different!"

"Shina insisted." Ileyana explained, while her sister cursed. She knew she would be getting more attention than her. This was so not her style, but for this level of gawking... Then, she smirked.

_'Who says a girl only fights with her looks?'_ "Well, I must admit that my sister is really pushy with these things. Why, she even insisted that we all wear them the traditional way."

"Huh? What do you mean?" That seemed to distract Naruto. Ileyana just shifted her attention to Sorano, who was grinning like a cat. Of course Ileyana wouldn't know. She knew zip about female clothes.

"Why, Naruto-san. Of course... Yukata are worn on their own." The sentence was phrased really awkwardly. Then both Naruto and Ileyana's eyes went wide. "Yep. Nor me nor Shina nor Iley-"

"SORANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sasuke finally intervened while Ileyana looked for a kunai around and Naruto shot a hand to his nose, crimson liquid slipping through his digits.

"G-Gotta go..." The funny thing?

"Really, that Sorano... So shameless." Shina really was that traditional.

-Break-

In the end, everyone had managed to sit around a large round table set up in the household's inner garden which, for some strange reason, wasn't as cold as it should have been. Some kind of jutsu, Naruto guessed. He approved. The garden was pretty cool, koi pond and all. The seating went like so, clockwise: Sasuke, Shina, Ileyana, Naruto, Haku, Zabuza, Choji, Shikamaru, Ino, Kiba, Shino, Hinata, Hanabi, Hotaru, Neji, Ten Ten, Lee, Kohana (Sasuke grudgingly let her sit away from him), Gai, Sorano and Sasuke again.

"Before we start eating..." Shikamaru had to use his technique to restrain Chouji. "Our clan head would like to speak a few words." Everyone's eyes turned to Sasuke who, dressed in dark blue, stood up from his seat and cleared his voice.

"As the head of the Uchiha Clan, I thank you for accepting our invitation and I welcome you into our home." He began, even if he had doubts about him really meaning the second part. "I hope this will be just the beginning of the Uchiha Clan's new relationship with its allies. As the new year approaches..." Naruto observed his team-mate as his eyes got filled with a light that he had never seen before. Seemed like even if it had started out sort of forced, he really meant this part that was to come. "So the Uchiha clan will grow and prosper anew one day. This I swear."

"Kyaa! So cool, Sasuke-kun!" Good thing the small speech was over, otherwise Ino's outburst would have been a real bother. The Uchiha clan head sat down slowly, then Shina clapped her hands.

"Well, honored guests... Now please enjoy our food."

"TO BATTLE!"

"CHOJI!"

-Break-

"Alright people, listen up!" ANBU sub-captain Ashikawa barked, easily grabbing the attention of everyone in the room. He nodded, sweeping his sunglass-clad eyes over the... Rather ragtag group assembled before him, but that was the normality even if this wasn't a new year's party. "Thank you all for coming so quickly." He held a hand to his face to hide a growing smirk. "No offense, Mizuki."

"Fuck you!" The white-haired man growled. The people around him did their best to suppress their laughter, most having noticed Tsubaki remove what was quite likely a heavily poisoned senbon from god knew where.

Ashikawa cleared his throat, and wondered about the location of the tiny vial of antidote that he'd learned to start carrying with him since he took up the hobby of making fun of Mizuki's deficiencies while in the presence of his fiancée. No weapon pouches parties damn it. "All kidding aside," he continued. "I thought to address a little matter before starting the party. You see, soon all the people in this room will be asked to gather to discuss this matter again, only in front of the Hokage." That got everyone's attention for good. "Yesterday the representatives of the ECs met and, believe it or not, it was decided that the next Chunin Exams would be held here in Konoha."

Mutterings of surprise and intrigue spread throughout the room. The Chunin Exams hadn't been held in Konoha since the Kyubi attack. What on Earth had changed this year?

"So, of course, we will be called to figure out what kind of tests we can put the participating genin through. I thought we could discuss them a bit before being called by the Hokage. Does anyone have any ideas?"

Anko raised her hand.

"Keep in mind, please," He went on without even looking up from the ground. "That this is an exam to test for chunin aptitude, not an excuse for us to traumatize and humiliate a bunch of foreign kids with acts of creepy, raunchy, kinky and or downright insidious sexual practices."

Anko lowered her hand.

Ashikawa glanced up, light reflecting off his sunglasses as he grinned a twisted grin. "Of course, if said sexual practices did, in some shape or form, also test them for chunin aptitude, that would be acceptable."

Anko raised her hand, as did several other people, their grins now matching Ashikawa's. Oh yes, they would make this a Chunin Exam that nobody would forget.

-Break-

"Come on, nee-sama! Just do it!"

"B-B-But I... I couldn't possibly..."

"For the love of god, nee-sama. Just go to him and say that you need help sating your urges!" Hanabi sighed. "It's the perfect plan. He's such a nice guy that there's no way he could say no!"

"Yes, but..." Hinata slowly turned her head in the direction of Naruto, who was in the process of talking to Haku and Zabuza near a corner of the garden.

"Oh, for the love of... What, you want me to show you how to do it, first? Hell, even Hotaru could do it!"

"Heh? I could!"

"Hanabi-sama! Don't even joke about it!" Neji whispered-shouted, branch/main family relationships be damned. He then sighed. "But Hanabi-sama's plan is sound, Hinata-sama. Just go and ask him."

"I... I..." Hinata stared at Naruto who suddenly noticed their staring. She gulped but then mellowed when he just waved. _'Me... And Naruto-kun... Me and Naruto-kun... Me and Naruto-kun!'_ "O-Ok! I will try!"

"That's the spirit, nee-sama!"

-Break-

"Ahahah, poor forehead. Still a virgin, huh?"

"Honestly, it's like the world is out against me popping my cherry." The sweet sake had made Sakura a bit slurry. "Hmm... Every time I wanted to ask Naruto, someone else beat me to the punch."

"Heheh... But honestly, I never thought that Naruto of all people would get this much action, you know?" Ino said as she turned her head to the fellow blonde, frowning as she recalled a particular incident in the academy bathroom. She turned to Sakura again. "How is he? Any good?"

"Hmm... Well, no one has ever complained." Sakura sighed, remembering the various missions... And the quite vocal reactions of Tsunami. "And I've been learning a lot from him, I must say."

"... Really, now?" Ino slowly turned her head to Naruto again. While she had been getting laid much more than Sakura, she had doubts that her technique had been that refined. Choji and Shikamaru were slouches on that matter and while Asuma-sensei may have been more experienced... She didn't like men with beards.

-Break-

"... So, whenever you have sex with someone..."

"Yeah." Naruto nodded, not really comfortable with repeating that piece of knowledge out loud again, now that he understood the implications of the matter. "And the sicko had the gall of asking... Ugh."

"Don't worry, Naruto-sama. It's not like he can force you, can he?" Naruto shook his head.

"No. But I have the feeling that he won't simply give up..." The blonde ninja groaned and moved a hand through his hair. "This is a mess. If I stop having sex with people, I'll give away that I'm 'sane', but if I don't stop, people will notice that they're stopping having the urges! Either way, I'm fucked!"

"Quite literally, I must say." Haku joked, laughing with mirth right after. Naruto frowned. "Calm down, Naruto-sama. I don't think the situation is that grave."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if all the partners you've had till now had suddenly lost interest in sex... Well, you told me about your D-Ranks." Naruto blinked. "Yes. That would have been quite the uproar. Now, why didn't that happen? What's different between those women and me and Ayame-san?"

"... Well, most of them..." He then understood. "Most of them made me use protection."

"There you go. So, as long as you don't engage in nakadashi, your secret will be safe." Zabuza commented, making Naruto blush.

"Gee, you didn't have to put it so bluntly..."

"N-Naruto-san!"

"Hey, Naruto!" The trio turned around just as fireworks somewhere started going off. It was almost midnight. The whiskered shinobi found himself laying eyes on Hinata and Ino, who looked at each other strangely.

"... Yes?" He asked tentatively, noticing how Hinata (this was Hinata, right?) had lost those ugly veins.

"N-N-Naruto-kun! I... I have a... Problem..." Hinata squeaked out, as read as humanly possible.

"Tsk... Beat to the punch." Ino said, snapping her fingers. She couldn't deprive Hinata of the opportunity, since she really looked in trouble, unlike her.

Naruto sighed. _'What you do on New Year's...'_ "Can you both at least wait until after midnight?" That surprised both girls, Hinata squeaking out again, steam coming out of her ears.

"... Both?" Ino tentatively asked. Naruto nodded.

"Yeah. That a problem?"

"... Not at all." Ino smirked. Hello, new practice partner.

_To be continued_

_In the next chapter..._

As things settle back to normal after new year's, well not really, Naruto finds himself in front of his biggest challenge yet. The Chuunin Selection Exam and all its foreign candidates! What will entail from Naruto meeting these individuals, apart intercourse? Stay tuned!


End file.
